To be annoyed by the phrase...

[guildingthelily]

I've heard this phrase more and more over the last 12 months and it's driving me bonkers. The phrase is:

Does that make sense?

I wouldn't mind if it was used after explaining something complex and requiring expert knowledge but it never is. Quite often after explaining something really simple in fact.

I can't work out if saying the phrase implies the listener is a bit dumb or if the person saying it is pretending they're dumb and can't explain themselves properly. When in actual fact they're not.

I swear this phrase is becoming more popular. I know language evolves so I might just have to get used to it as it becomes more widespread.

Either that or the people around me really do think I'm incapable of understanding basic things (which I'm not).....

Even worse. A question with a dangling negative at the end. ‘polar bears are white. No?’ Where did that come from? Will it please go away!

Like most phrases, context and tone are most important. It can be that somebody is using it to check that they've explained it correctly and clearly, that you appreciate the reasoning behind something, especially when it's in a situation where historically people have been expected to just follow procedure and not dare to question anything - or that you're clearly an idiot and should stop asking stupid questions you should already know the answer to.

I use it all the time.

I am checking if the person has understood me so that I can clarify if necessary.

Everyone's understanding /language / communication skills are different so why would I assume they understood me.

Many people, particularly women have been socialised to simply nod and agree with instructions/explanations. Asking if they have understood gives them the opportunity to actually say they're not sure (although many still won't).

Phrases do seem to come and go out of fashion. For example, I keep seeing 'right-leaning', usually in right-wing publications who don't want to use the phrase 'right-wing'.
Likewise 'optics', as in 'the optics don't look good'. Where they come from I don't know, but it's pretty clear that they get picked up and then repeated in a tsunami of lazy journalism.

As OPs have said - it is a way of checking that the other person has understood. It is a softer way of saying 'do you understand'. I use it to check that what I have said is comprehensible to the other person and that I have been clear - if I ask them if they understand it could sound as if I think they are stupid, whereas if I ask if it makes sense then the onus is on me to rephrase and clarify it it doesnt. Does that make sense?

Oh dear, I also say this all the time - it's a hangover of when I learned to be a stand-up classroom IT trainer (remember when companies used to actually train people?). I will try to keep it in check.

It's at least partly a phatic "I have finished speaking. Now it is your turn" kind of expression.

I don't like the word 'right?' as a question at the end of a sentence.

I don't always have the same opinion as others and it makes me feel as though I should concur or contradict.

For example, 'Everyone loves cake! Right?'

I am with you on this OP. I’ve noticed it said after someone has said something very straightforward. I always wonder why they add it and wonder if they think I’m a bit simple!

Does everything need to be a tsunami?

Oh god, I use ‘does that make sense’ all the time 😳

I can be a bit geeky about my job and over explain things due to excitement.

I ask that to measure whether I have hit the spot or whether I’ve gone too deeply and caused complete confusion.

Just say that you don't like it. I usually do if people make sweeping statements that are incorrect.

Or (seeing as I’ve gone back and read the OP properly), my response may be simple but it’s redundant if I’ve misunderstood the original question.

Does that make sense? 🤣

I believe it's a management training course phrase that's caught on. DFriend uses it a lot in conversation, I tease her for it every time! That's where she got it from. Apparently it's intended to engage those the person is speaking to by encouraging questions/feedback.

Yes, it probably is a spillover from the world of work. And I really wouldn't mind if it comes after something complex. But it just seems not to 😅 just a little bug bear (bare???).

People use it all the time at work. It's so tedious. I feel like saying no and then they have to repeat the simple and very easy to understand thing they just said in a different way.

I use it a lot. I also often use “I hope that made sense” but that’s because I have a tendency to ramble and worry my ideas only make sense in my head. I use it very genuinely to check understanding.

Please continue to use it.
My SIL uses it all the time as she finds it difficult to articulate her ideas. She's dyslexic and uses malapropisms often, so this is how she checks that others understand what she means.

Absolutely hate it. It comes across as either:

1. The speaker thinks the listener is too stupid to follow what they're saying, or

1. The speaker is too dim to confidently explain a basic concept to the listener.

One of my colleagues at work does this in meetings with much more senior staff and I cringe every time.

@Squashpocket the only explanation for you is "stupid" or "dim". 🙄

Ever thought it would be more intelligent to consider other possible reasons?

I use it all the time, not because I think anyone is stupid 🙄 but because I want to be sure that I have explained complex ideas in an accessible way. I worry that I am over complicating or going round the houses, and I want to know that I have made my point.

Choosing to read an insult into it is passive aggressive at best. We all have different communication styles, I am not going to assume that yours is the same as mine - if my idea doesn't make sense to you, then either I need to rephrase it, or it's a stupid idea and I am giving you the chance to debunk it.

It's just proper annoying and once you notice that someone says it, it's well distracting. Someone I used to work with once used it 5 times in one presentation!

I think it is a really useful thing to say.
It doesn't imply the listener is a bit slow on the uptake, but it is the speaker recognising that
a) they (the speaker) might have missed something / not been aware of something that might effect what has been explained
b) People have different understanding of situations, and yes, people do have differing abilities and come to any topic with different experiences.

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but I don't have a lot of knowledge or understanding about all sorts of topics. That doesn't make me 'a bit thick', it just means I don't know much about engineering, or the Russian language, or Buddhism, or whatever topic someone else might know a lot more about. I appreciate someone checking with me if what they have said has been explained enough for there not to be any misunderstandings or confusion.

I think it is really helpful.

Yes, I've noticed it and find it incredibly patronising. Particularly at work. How thick do you think I am?

I think that phrase is okay. The one I don't like is 'you with me?', as that implies that the listener might be the issue. My FIL says that all the time and it's really annoying!