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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parenting will never get easier?

33 replies

Chumbibi · 21/12/2022 23:55

I’ve been struggling for a while. DD 2.5 and DS 6 months. My life is basically spending all day (when DD not at nursery) dealing with a tantrumming toddler who refuses to listen and all night dealing with a baby who wakes up all night.

when does this get easier? I just feel like I’m in a miserable cycle of dread?

OP posts:
EnolaJ · 22/12/2022 00:01

I know that feeling OP Flowers

In my experience once they get over the age of three and then it goes down hill a bit again once they're a teenager but that's a whole other bag of issues!

Every age has its ups and downs, but from 3 is when I really felt like I wasn't as much of a servant on a hamster wheel anymore

sidesplittinglol · 22/12/2022 00:02

I'd love to say soon but I wish someone told me the truth. It really depends on the child. But in my own experience my 4 year old is still a rubbish sleeper who wakes every night multiple times and still throws tantrums over anything. My 5 year old slept through the night, rarely threw tantrums and still sleeps through.

Icecreamandapplepie · 22/12/2022 00:04

Haf three close together so feel your pain. All you can do is hang in there- IT DOES GET EASIER.

You're right in the thick of it there. This shall pass. Its alot better at 4 and then enjoyable from 5. But- does get easier from 3.

You're allowed to moan and say its not.l enjoyable, cute as they are. It's tough.

DearyMe571 · 22/12/2022 00:16

It does get easier. I promise. Their so reliant on you at the minute, its bloody hard work. It's easier the more independence they gain.

Your oldest is 2.5, mine are 6 and 7 now so it's been a long time since I've had my own toddlers but my closest friend has a 3 year old who I spend a lot of time with

Hes just starting to get a little more independent, attempting to dress himself and put on his own socks and shoes ect, his strops arnt as bad as they were 6 months ago either

I know it's hard, it's so tiring and feels relentless but it really does get easier, hang in there x

Stompythedinosaur · 22/12/2022 00:19

It does get easier, but not for a while. Honestly,once your youngest is 4 or 5 it is a totally different ball game.

Once your baby is sleeping things will feel easier. You are in the hardest part right now I thing (though lots of mners will probably be along to tell me it is hard parenting teens, which I am yet to try).

GoAgainstNicki · 22/12/2022 00:22

I have a 8 month old and 19 month old. I’m already finding it so much easier as we have quite a strict routine during the weekdays. We’re always at our local children’s centre as I find getting out of the house makes thing’s more easier to tolerate. Both of my kids sleep well so I couldn’t give any advice on that front however it definitely does get a bit easier. All in due time (I know that’s not helpful at all rn!)

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 22/12/2022 00:34

I got chills reading the quotation as I remember it well. 😁
She with pp who said, easier at 3, better still at 4 and actually enjoyable from 5.
Mine are 10 and 12 now and brilliant company. I think the reason for that is the ground work I put in at the stage you're at though. Where you are is the toughest stage but also where you are laying the greatest foundations so hang on in there, all the parenting you are doing now will pay dividends and be well worth it later.
I.e. Those tantrums are ghastly but if you can give them the emotional language to understand them now and help them get through them to a better place it'll all pay off. Give them positive attention for the behaviour you want to see and bit by bit it'll slowly improve in the way you do need right now.
Have a big salute from me as I literally couldn't do it again, but keep the faith, it is worth the effort.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 22/12/2022 00:35

Quotation!? 🙄 That should be question.

CatSeany · 22/12/2022 00:39

Things are still quite difficult for me with a 13 month old and almost 3 year old, but they're easier than they were. I can leave my eldest to watch TV if I need to shower or change the youngest. The main issue is the tantrums and arguing for attention.

Whatifthegrassisblue · 22/12/2022 00:50

Following with interest as I wonder the same thing!! Is it 3 do most people say??

mowly77 · 22/12/2022 01:02

Honestly, it depends on the child. And while it doesn’t get any easier per se it does change quickly so you’re dealing with different stuff. Best advice I ever got from a friend who had children before me said: everything changes. The bad stuff … but also the good (e.g. long naps).

this too shall pass

my DD was a dream baby. Slept through from 12 weeks. Didn’t crawl around the place destroying things, was a beautiful placid soul. Terrible twos kicked in. Ok expecting that. Quite bad. But no one told me about threenagers, swiftly followed by the fucking awful fours. At 4 is a nightmare. She can’t regulate her emotions, late summer baby, started reception, so super tiring for her. & mornings & evenings are flashpoints when she goes utterly utterly ballistic about reasonable things. e.g. getting dressed; turning off TV at night; & always a bedtime drama of some sort. Quite surprised neighbours haven’t called social services due to the noise levels. She’s often physically violent. Empathy and patience, empathy and patience. But it’s so, so hard. She’s utterly delightful most of the time. But when she is bad she is very very bad. I have realised this is her strong & determined personality. Some 4 year olds are chilled and placid and only throw the occasional tantrum. Nature/nurture. I’m trying to nurture her & resist the urge to tell her she’s a twat and piss off for several days leaving DP to deal with her.

SummerInSun · 22/12/2022 01:25

Hang in there, hang in there. You are right in the hardest part. I promise it get easier. I now have an 8 year old and a 6 year old and it's (mostly) awesome - what you hope it will be like when you have kids. I appreciate that it will get harder again when they are teenagers, but enjoying the golden ages for now.

I absolutely promise you that one day in the honestly not too distant future you'll be sitting with your primary school aged kids in a cafe or watching them kicking a ball in the park and see someone else with a baby and screaming toddler and think "thank god that's over!"!!!

In the meantime, do you get any time to yourself? You do need an hour or two a day when you can go for a walk, read a book in a cafe or park, or whatever. It's ok to tell your DH/DP/other extended family if you are lucky enough to have any nearby that you need this to stay sane.

antelopevalley · 22/12/2022 02:34

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time.
Once they sleep it all gets much easier. Even the tantrums are easier if you are sleeping at night. You are really in the trenches with two children at that age, so yes it will get better.

confusedlots · 22/12/2022 02:49

Mine are 5 and 6 now and I feel this is the stage of parenting I'm eventually starting to enjoy! Yes there is still lots of bickering, but they are such great company and I love their conversations, that it cancels out most of the bickering. I'd like them just to stay at this age for a good while please, am definitely dreading the teenage years 🙈

JenniferBarkley · 22/12/2022 02:49

Oh you poor thing. We have the same gap but we're two years down the road and things are definitely easier. Not easy, not yet, but definitely easier.

My 2.5 year old still doesn't sleep through, hence being online at this hour, but the 4yo can be a delight, especially out of the house one on one. She has her moments (very much relating to the poster with the tired 4yo above) but immeasurably easier than at 2 or 3. When youngest gets to that age it'll be a doddle I tell myself!

Muddays · 22/12/2022 03:03

It does get easier in the sense that you will get subtly tougher like SAS recruits. Having said that, you do need support from someone who cares, so you can grab a few hours of uninterrupted sleep when possible. It's the sleep deprivation that's the worst, because it obviously makes everything else so much harder to handle. Watching Ryan Reynolds making his 'vasectomy cocktail' on YouTube always makes me laugh and helps remind me to keep a sense of humour amidst the madness of it all.

Snipples · 22/12/2022 03:07

I have the same age gap as you but mine are 2 and 4 and it is tough going. It does get easier once you're out of the baby stage and they're needs are more similar. Still early days. I'm looking forward to mine being 5 and 7, not to wish the days away but I feel that will be us past the toddler/ preschool emotions! Hang in there!

harrassedmumto3 · 22/12/2022 05:29

Well, two of my daughters are teenagers and I'm finding parenting them the toughest thing (mentally) I've ever done ...

harrassedmumto3 · 22/12/2022 05:29

Sorry! Grin
But yeah, it does get easier in other ways.

superorganisms · 22/12/2022 05:37

Ugh, I'm here now. 2.5yo and newborn. It's really tough. I promised myself I would try to enjoy the newborn stage more this time around, but it's so challenging, even more so with a tantruming toddler in the background. Add seasonal illness into the mix and we've been in a world of pain. I know teen years will be tougher still, but at least then they might sleep?!

somethingdifferenttoday · 22/12/2022 05:45

I have a 19 month age gap. It got easier when the youngest got to one.

Then it just kept getting easier!

At 9 and 8 it is still work because they are kids but it is enjoyable too.

Hang in there. It will pass. Try to hold one happy memory every few days (daily if you can) with each of them and photograph it!

Original poster
Chumbibi · 22/12/2022 07:08

Thanks for your responses. I appreciate the teenage years are a whole another ball game but at least it feels a long time away!

I don’t want to wish the years away and I look at them and think how lucky I am to have two beautiful healthy children but my god it’s tough.

OP posts:
WordtoYoMumma · 22/12/2022 07:23

I don't know how helpful it would be to you telling you an age or stage at which it might be easier - if I said life will be better once your youngest is 4, then you will probably just cry at the thought of another 3.5 years...!

But things change and some days are better than others. You may well find that once baby is 1 you are having more good days. The tantrums of your toddler will get less frequent. There will be more opportunities to negotiate with your child at age 3/4/5.

You are also still in the early days of having two children and it takes a hell of a lot of getting used to. The first six-eight months of my youngest's life are a complete blur, I hardly remember anything of her as a baby because life was just SURVIVING. I can look back and pinpoint nice days but when you are in the thick of it and the nice days are outnumbered by many awful days either side it is hard to acknowledge them at the time.

Parenting is always hard, but it does change over time. I am now a parent to three teenagers and sometimes I yearn for the days when I could pop the youngest two in the double buggy and take them all to the park, where I had eyes on them all and they'd be truly excited by a picnic where they were allowed a fruit shoot 😂

But you are totally allowed to be grateful for your healthy beautiful children and also think that your life is shit right now. But it won't be shit forever. Honest.

Iamboredandgoingforatwix · 22/12/2022 07:35

Sorry you are feeling like this. I think things go in peaks and troughs.

It hasn't got much easier for me as my youngest is non verbal at three and has autism, so hasn't really left the baby stage, apart from being mobile. He was a difficult baby too. Hopefully he will get there eventually.

My eldest is fine though, but just gets a bit neglected because my youngest is so challenging.

I wouldn't expect miracles in the baby stage, it is tough and some people are lucky with a placid baby that sleeps, but for many of us this isnt the case.

I would rule out reflux and ear infections in the baby if they are very unsettled. I just assumed colic or teething, but think it could have been these instead.

Lkydfju · 22/12/2022 07:38

I think it depends what specifically you find hard; for me it’s the sleep deprivation so once that gets easier so does everything and when you can leave them in another room long enough for a cup of tea in peace it’s a game changer.
I also have a teen and she’s in no way easy but the fact that I get a good nights sleep (mostly) and a bit of time to myself gives me the patience to deal with most