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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

H so fucking useless

64 replies

uselessh · 21/12/2022 18:04

Is it me or is this just terrible behaviour... read on...

Have just got to my sister's house for Christmas with two small kids under 3.

The journey was the usual, a bit tough with two small ones, but not so bad.

Anyway since we have arrived, he got here. Left his shoes in the middle of the floor, ate ( didn't help clean ) and went to chill in the bedroom. Whilst my sister and I are battling two small kids and trying to cook / clean up/ prepare dinner etc.

I don't think it's normal. It's quite rude, we are in sister's house.

Or am I being too much ? I went downstairs and he just kind of threw my hands in the air at him and he said ' what ? Do I have to be with you the whole time now ??'...

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 22/12/2022 08:29

If you hate being at each others families stop going? And have Christmas in your home.

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 08:35

I feel sorry for the guy. His every move is being judged. No one wants him to feel relaxed. Next time leave him at home you'll both be happy. No one has to put up with other people's family if they don't want to. Sounds like a nightmare for him.

DecayedStrumpet · 22/12/2022 08:38

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 22/12/2022 08:29

If you hate being at each others families stop going? And have Christmas in your home.

For some reason I doubt that when at home, the husband is a helpful cheery equal partner who pulls his weight round the house and with the kids Hmm

Original poster
uselessh · 22/12/2022 08:38

@DecayedStrumpet bingo. You got it in one...

OP posts:
edenhills · 22/12/2022 08:42

Yabu for "females"

Fairislefandango · 22/12/2022 08:43

Why on earth are posters making excuses for this man and making up totally fantasy reasons which might justify his behaviour?! It's obvious from the OP's posts that this is just what he's like.

ShandaLear · 22/12/2022 08:43

Send him home to have a misery guts Christmas alone, and then get rid of him.

Draconis · 22/12/2022 08:50

How far is the journey? Send him home and ask him to pick your up after Xmas.

MrsToothyBitch · 22/12/2022 08:52

I have a very socially anxious DP who gets tired. He would never behave this way. Ask to go to bed early after a long drive, yes- but after he's helped clean up dinner, put his shoes away and helped with dc/maybe put a child to bed. Your partner is v rude OP.

Only excuse is illness- we both get headaches & if one of us tapped out with a bad enough headache, especially after a long drive, the other would cover.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/12/2022 08:55

He is a useless deadweight.

What's rhe point of being with him?

LadyKenya · 22/12/2022 09:14

Why not just leave him at home on his own then? I will never understand why so many people on here are constantly visiting inlaws etc, when they do not want to. Just say no, do not go!

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 22/12/2022 09:19

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 08:35

I feel sorry for the guy. His every move is being judged. No one wants him to feel relaxed. Next time leave him at home you'll both be happy. No one has to put up with other people's family if they don't want to. Sounds like a nightmare for him.

No one has to put up with other families? That doesn't sound like a very good marriage where neither of you are willing to spend time with other family members. Op has said she doesn't love seeing his family but in a marriage/relationship you do these things for eachother.

Also why does he get sympathy for not being able to relax? Is op relaxing? Is her sister? Maybe if he was pitching in everything would be done quicker and then all the adults could relax.

I'm really sorry OP this must be awful and embarrassing for you, you'd think he'd just slap a smile on and be polite. Did you drive together? Is there anyway he can leave and you and the dc stay? His current attitude is so disrespectful to you and your sister, in your shoes I'd rather he just left so you and the dc could enjoy yourselves without his grumpy face.

Shade17 · 22/12/2022 09:20

edenhills · 22/12/2022 08:42

Yabu for "females"

Shit on it!

Suprima · 22/12/2022 09:24

uselessh · 22/12/2022 08:27

Of course he doesn't want to be here. Do I want to be at his family Christmases ? No. Do our kids deserve to spend one Christmas with his and another with my family- yes. It's just something people suck up. I sacrifice a lot for my husband and see his family regularly etc. he can give us a few days and act like a normal human and not a Neanderthal.

Yes, when there's other females around, he excuses himself and does what he wants and if you ask him to help out, he says you're a nag and giving him a hard time. That's him. Unfortunately.

ok so he’s clearly got form for being a lazy cunt. What are you going to do about it?

he won’t change and your children will grow up to see their mother being treated like a doormat

these men do not deserve a nice home, sex and a family life. Absolutely users and vampires.

Original poster
uselessh · 22/12/2022 09:41

LadyKenya · 22/12/2022 09:14

Why not just leave him at home on his own then? I will never understand why so many people on here are constantly visiting inlaws etc, when they do not want to. Just say no, do not go!

I did. tell him not to bother. But he insisted on coming.

OP posts:
Hont1986 · 22/12/2022 09:42

If he just drove three hours with small kids then I think he's earned a lie down in a dark bedroom for a while tbh. The shoes thing was a little rude but hardly the end of the world.

Original poster
uselessh · 22/12/2022 09:45

Hont1986 · 22/12/2022 09:42

If he just drove three hours with small kids then I think he's earned a lie down in a dark bedroom for a while tbh. The shoes thing was a little rude but hardly the end of the world.

No driving involved here.

OP posts:
Original poster
uselessh · 22/12/2022 09:48

edenhills · 22/12/2022 08:42

Yabu for "females"

Why ??

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 22/12/2022 09:49

So did he come with you in order to sabotage any fun you might have? It looks that way.

Fairislefandango · 22/12/2022 09:54

If you hate being at each others families stop going? And have Christmas in your home.

By the sounds of it, Christmas at home wouldn't be much better. No doubt the OP would be doing everything and trying to keep the dc entertained while her husband sat on his grumpy arse.

OP - what are you getting out of this marriage?

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 22/12/2022 09:56

He's being an arse and sounds like this is fairly typical so I'd say you have bigger problems but can I suggest that if you're still together by next Christmas you stay at home? Make it a fun time, just you guys and see both of your families at some point either side. Ex and I stopped travelling for Xmas once our kids were about 2/3 and wanted to be in their own house at Xmas with their own things.

In general though, totally get why you're fed up. ..sulky manchild about packing his OWN bag??? Jesus..and you're expected to find that attractive and desirable?

roarfeckingroarr · 22/12/2022 10:05

He sounds awfully rude.

Least he could do is make polite conversation with your family and/or entertain the kids while you and your sister prepare food.

If he doesn't want to be there, he either doesn't go or he acts like an adult and makes the best of it for everyone else's sake.

NippyWoowoo · 22/12/2022 10:11

Will never understand women who have one child with a waste of space, let alone 2. People don't go from the most helpful to suddenly useless after kids.

roarfeckingroarr · 22/12/2022 10:14

@NippyWoowoo helpful. The OP should just absorb the second back in and chastise herself for the bad behaviour of the adult male.

NippyWoowoo · 22/12/2022 10:15

roarfeckingroarr · 22/12/2022 10:14

@NippyWoowoo helpful. The OP should just absorb the second back in and chastise herself for the bad behaviour of the adult male.

It's a tale as old as time on here. Hopefully some will learn from it. Make your bed and all that.

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