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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to cancel Xmas curry

73 replies

Animallover87 · 20/12/2022 10:31

My mum has done Xmas dinner my whole life. This year she wanted a break and to go out for a curry so she has booked it for me, her and my DH.

She's really looking forward to it after a rough few years with loss of relatives etc.

I'd normally be really looking forward to it too... But I'm 7 weeks pregnant and I'm feeling permanently nauseous. I can barely eat anything and the thought of curry makes me want to vomit.

I don't know whether to suck it up and hope it'll be fine. Or say my DH will do Xmas dinner and invite her to ours. But I wasn't planning on telling her about the pregnancy this early on.

She's had so much bad news over the last few years I wanted to wait til we have a scan photo and the risk of miscarriage is minimal.

What do i do???

OP posts:

SometimesMaybe · 20/12/2022 13:34

I understand the whole wait till 12 weeks but if you would tell her if you had a miscarriage then I think you should just tell her! Would be a lovely christmas present.

VestaTilley · 20/12/2022 13:35

Go for curry and order plain rice and a naan bread. Or tell her you’re pregnant, but that it’s very early days.

Original poster

Animallover87 · 20/12/2022 13:43

I probably would tell her if I had a miscarriage. It's probably more the making her excited with the happy news and then having it all crash down I want to avoid if anything goes wrong.

OP posts:

NoelNoNoel · 20/12/2022 13:58

In that case I’d go for the curry and eat plain foods and say you have a funny tummy if you need to.

Sartre · 20/12/2022 14:00

She’s your Mum so seriously just tell her you’re pregnant. If you miscarry, you will want her support anyway.

Dobbycraft · 20/12/2022 14:08

Could you go for a private scan this week? Then you will technically have a scan picture and the risks are lower once you've seen a heartbeat. I would do this then still go for the curry. But show her the scan straight away so you can explain not eating etc.

MamaFirst · 20/12/2022 14:11

Highly doubt they'll give you medication just for having some completely normal morning sickness?? As far as I'm aware there's pretty strict criteria for anti-emetics otherwise wtf have the rest of us been miserable for 12 weeks + each pregnancy?!

Original poster

Animallover87 · 20/12/2022 15:07

@MamaFirst so this is me for the next 5 weeks at least? Urghhhh 😭

OP posts:

MamaFirst · 20/12/2022 15:20

Yeah, sorry to be the bearer of bad news! Unless you have very extreme sickness and can't keep water down for example, then they can try and intervene. Mine stops as suddenly as it starts, so fingers crossed for you!

NoelNoNoel · 20/12/2022 15:24

OP have you tried eating some toast in the morning? Eating a small amount helped me.

Original poster

Animallover87 · 20/12/2022 15:26

@Dobbycraft the one near me says minimum is 8 weeks! And that wouldn't be til boxing day.

OP posts:

Original poster

Animallover87 · 20/12/2022 15:29

@NoelNoNoel yeah DH read that yesterday and brought me up a slice to bed this morning. I didn't feel like it but it meant I didn't vomit before work like I did yesterday. How I wish i WFH 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:

YukoandHiro · 20/12/2022 15:38

Tell her you're pregnant, it's nice news and she's been pregnant herself so she totally understands it's a tricky time. I'm sure she'd really want to support you if you had a miscarriage anyway.
If she's had a rough time and really wants to do this I think you need to suck it up. Take lots of lemon sherbets and sour sweets, ginger etc, a lemon in a hanky to sniff.
A lot of curry houses serve steaks and chips. Ask for something plain.

Season0fTheWitch · 20/12/2022 15:46

She would rather know than have you go to this dinner and have a bad time!
You can either tell her now that you'd rather cook for her or you can tell her your news and make a different plan together. Missing one curry won't make her year worse, but it could make you ill.

YouPutTheScrewInTheTuna · 20/12/2022 15:48

OP try looking around for more private scan clinics, quite a lot do from 6w!

Whataretheodds · 20/12/2022 15:50

Keep some crackers and a glass of water by your bed. Eat as soon as you wake up.

bunnypenny · 20/12/2022 15:52

i was prescribed cyclizine for each pregnancy due to nausea and vomiting. If you’re really suffering, ask your GP?

MachineBee · 20/12/2022 16:03

Congratulations on your news and in the kindest possible way, you are overthinking this. Your mum does not need you protecting her from life.

I’m sure she’d feel very privileged to be told your news so early - my own daughters did and I was very honoured to be trusted with their news. The eldest had really easy pregnancies but my youngest had a miscarriage and then a difficult pregnancy with a very early birth. I was so glad I knew what was happening and was able to support them both - albeit in very different ways.

And if she knows you are struggling with nausea will be the first to suggest something different for your get together. Respect her enough to be able to handle things herself.

Calphurnia88 · 20/12/2022 16:10

I can't remember what I was prescribed but I can remember I was 13wks pregnant and the doctor asking a lot of questions about how I was feeling, what I was able to consume (food and water), frequency of vomiting and how long I had been suffering before he would prescribe anything.

For me though it wasn't just a case of not being able to eat a curry; I was unable to leave the house.

allboysherebutme · 20/12/2022 23:13

I'd tell her, tell her not to tell anyone else and have her to yours for Xmas dinner. X

Original poster

Animallover87 · 21/12/2022 11:33

GP was lovely on the phone this morning, prescribed cyclizine. Going to see if that helps me carry on as normal a bit more!

OP posts:

Purplechicken207 · 21/12/2022 11:51

I'd either just tell her (though we told people at the halfway point with no 1 and 12 weeks with no 2), or eat beforehand (hilarious, because I vomited multiple times a day when pregnant) and just try to get through it. I found ritz crackers helped me with 1st. Lemon sherberts too. With 2nd I literally kept the hula hoops brand afloat I reckon. Something like that at home may help keep you going. Maybe give a small nudge beforehand 'not feeling 100%' to give excuse to leave quickly if need be.
When I was pregnant it was fish and seafood, which I don't like anyway. I would literally vom into my mouth if someone anywhere in the restaurant was eating it, the slightest smell and I was ill. It will get better - randomly I suddenly became ravenous and devoured big hearty dinners (though was regularly still sick earlier in the day). Id have inhaled a curry by the time i was halfway, hoping for the same for you!. Then it was the turn of the heartburn instead 😂

ThinWomansBrain · 21/12/2022 12:00

for everyone that is saying "stick to plain food" - aren't most restaurants likely to have a set menu on Christmas day rather than offering a la carte?
If a deposit has been paid and not refundable at this late stage, is it possible to switch it to collection? DH & DM can eat curry, smell won't be so all-consuming as in the restaurant, and OP can eat, or not eat, what she wants.

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