AIBU to cancel Xmas curry

[Animallover87]

My mum has done Xmas dinner my whole life. This year she wanted a break and to go out for a curry so she has booked it for me, her and my DH.

She's really looking forward to it after a rough few years with loss of relatives etc.

I'd normally be really looking forward to it too... But I'm 7 weeks pregnant and I'm feeling permanently nauseous. I can barely eat anything and the thought of curry makes me want to vomit.

I don't know whether to suck it up and hope it'll be fine. Or say my DH will do Xmas dinner and invite her to ours. But I wasn't planning on telling her about the pregnancy this early on.

She's had so much bad news over the last few years I wanted to wait til we have a scan photo and the risk of miscarriage is minimal.

What do i do???

YABU. She has catered for you for decades. You can suck up one meal and you don’t even have to eat anything.

I don’t get why you wouldn’t tell her. She’s your mum! I’d feel so upset if my children felt that they had to hide their pregnancy from me for any reason.

@Whataretheodds it's not that I feel i couldn't tell her if I miscarried. More that she's had so much bad news over the last few years I had in my head that I wanted to surprise her with a scan photo and due date etc.

@YellowTreeHouse 100%, exactly why I'm trying to make myself suck it up and go

I would tell your mum.

She most likely did pay a deposit.

Why not tell her at the meal? Then say after your sticking with plain food.

My suggestion would be getting some antisickness tablets from your doctor and taking one before going to help with the nausea, so you can all enjoy the day :-)

I get why you ideally would like to tell your mum with a scan. However, I think telling your mum now would probably bring her a lot of cheer.

Maybe she needs the good news

I would probably tell her. We ended up telling family at 8 weeks as I had hyperemesis gravidarum. And there was no hiding that I was permanently stuck in bed and had already been to hospital once to be rehydrated! I didn’t like telling them so early but I realised they would all be good and supportive if I miscarried. Because I lost a lot of weight and had a small bump I didn’t publicly announce the pregnancy til about 16 weeks (though once the sickness cleared up I could have easily hidden the tiny bump til 24 weeks ish).

I would tell your Mum the truth tbh. I think then she’d surely understand?

She is going to be thrilled however you tell her I'm sure, if you want a bit of a reveal why not buy a gender neutral baby grow and wrap it up for her?

I would tell her you are pregnant. If the worst happens and you lose the baby, wont you want her support then anyway? The likeliest outcome is you wont lose the baby in which case what lovely happy news to give your mum after a tough few years.

Please don't think about it this way. That's an unnecessary pressure on you and the pregnancy.

In that case OP why not just offer to host anyway?

You can't just suck up nausea and vomiting 🙄🤦‍♀️

Would you really not tell her if you had a miscarriage? I would just tell her and try to cancel. Or go, but with her understanding you could be poorly.

You ever had morning sickness?

Or a vomiting bug.

My pregnancies were easy but surely the misery of nausea is universally understood.

@Animallover87 I had morning sickness that I eventually had to be medicated for, it's awful and I don't think people realise just how bad it is unless they experience it themselves or with a family member.

I remember telling my manager when I was 8wks pregnant. It was obviously much sooner than I would have wanted to, but I couldn't function and dreaded the thought of having to make excuses as to why I was so ill.

I would tell her. The idea of going out for any sort of food with morning sickness makes me feel ill even now!

I’m a mum to adult children. Justtell her you’re pregnant, she’ll understand. We aren’t so old that we don’t remember how it feels in the early stages of pregnancy.

Is this for Christmas Day? If so may well have had to pay for the whole meal up front. And to be honest for a last minute cancel for Christmas Day itself the restaurant should really get paid in full.

I would tell her and tell her curry will make you sick and invite her to yours for a traditional Christmas lunch.

@HappyFeet63 I just phoned, she told me I need to call tomorrow morning for an appointment. No idea if they'll prescribe me though. This is my first pregnancy so I have no idea what I'm doing!

I think taking prescription anti emetics for morning sickness just so you can survive lunch in an Indian restaurant is probably not the best plan. Just tell your mum, see what the score is with cancelling the booking, and take it from there.

Id just say I had a stomach bug and stick to the plain foods. Don't feel pressured into telling anyone before your ready

I’d tell her you are pregnant and take it from there. It’s your mum. Just ask her not to share.