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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband gave me his awful cold in the week before Christmas

39 replies

HIC2020 · 20/12/2022 08:45

I know I probably am being unreasonable however, I'm feeling sorry for myself and would like others opinions.

My DH had an awful respiratory infection that turned into a cold last week. I slept in a separate room and asked him to keep his distance until he was feeling better. He really struggled with the 'keeping his distance' and would talk to me, cough near me at what felt like every opportunity (I don't begrudge a conversation and I was looking after him at the time).

I now have his illness and am a bit annoyed with him for it. We have family coming to stay and the majority of the hosting will be up to me. He knew I was trying to avoid his germs before Christmas. When I had COVID in 2021 he stayed well away and didn't catch it. Why couldn't he have done the same this time!

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 20/12/2022 08:46

So so unreasonable
you can't avoid getting a cold from someone you live with

CalamityClam · 20/12/2022 08:47

Poor bloke.

SlashBeef · 20/12/2022 08:48

You could have caught a cold anywhere the moment. I don't think I know anyone that doesn't have a cold or some kind of cough! It's not ideal just before Christmas but YABU!

SoupDragon · 20/12/2022 08:48

I hope you're feeling better soon but unfortunately YABU. It's almost inevitable that you'll catch things like colds from someone in the same house.

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 08:48

It might’ve worked, it might have not. He was probably infectious before displaying any symptoms, and you both live in the same house. I assume he kept using the bathroom and kitchen throughout his illness. So it’s not guaranteed you’d have avoided had he kept his distance.

Why will you do the majority of the hosting? I never understand why women moan about this but do nothing about it. Tell him the hosting will be 50/50. So he can start cleaning, cooking, planning. Or if it’s his family that are coming and you’ve always been the one to host in the past, he can do it all this time. Stop just doing it all yourself.

BashfulClam · 20/12/2022 08:48

It’s unavoidable. Christmas lurgy is always something I get. Plenty of fluids and paracetamol and get him to pull his weight.

Pictograph · 20/12/2022 08:49

"The majority of the hosting will be up to me" - this is the bit you need to change. He can't help giving you his cold, but he can step up and take on most of the hosting prep if you're feeling rubbish.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 08:50

You should have gone and stayed in a hotel if it was that much of an issue

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 08:50

Pictograph · 20/12/2022 08:49

"The majority of the hosting will be up to me" - this is the bit you need to change. He can't help giving you his cold, but he can step up and take on most of the hosting prep if you're feeling rubbish.

He should be doing ‘hosting prep’ even when she’s not feeling rubbish. Why oh why are we still defaulting to the woman in the household for literally everything?

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 08:50

Pictograph · 20/12/2022 08:49

"The majority of the hosting will be up to me" - this is the bit you need to change. He can't help giving you his cold, but he can step up and take on most of the hosting prep if you're feeling rubbish.

Agreed. Why can't he cook christmas dinner etc?

Purplechicken207 · 20/12/2022 08:50

You do realise people are often infectious before they feel ill? And imo it's unreasonable to assume you can escape an infection within the same house. Sure it happens but he didn't 'give' it to you and it isn't his fault.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 08:51

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 08:50

He should be doing ‘hosting prep’ even when she’s not feeling rubbish. Why oh why are we still defaulting to the woman in the household for literally everything?

Show quote history

I know right!

Quveas · 20/12/2022 08:51

You haven't been near anybody else in several days then? Because I'm just starting with it and I haven't been anywhere near your husband, honest!

There are literally thousands of people with this virus / flu bug thing - so many that hospital admissions for this virus have overtaken covid admissions.

So unless you can swear that you haven't been near a single person in days, nor been out of the house, you can't say he gave it to you - anyone could have given it to you.

Hosting Christmas is a whole different issue and it isn't "your job" so either tell him to step up and get his arse in gear, or cancel hosting and tell people you aren't up to it.

gamerchick · 20/12/2022 08:51

Well now you're Ill. It doesn't matter how you caught it. HE is now hosting isn't he?

Tbh I'd give the heads up to whoever's coming that you have a nasty lurgy and you would understand if they chose not to catch it.

Cyrrik · 20/12/2022 08:51

What a stupid thread.

HeddaGarbled · 20/12/2022 08:51

You’re unreasonable to hold him responsible for you catching a cold.

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect him to pull his weight with the hosting duties.

ZekeZeke · 20/12/2022 08:52

Firstly, it's not your DH's fault that you caught cold, you could catch it anywhere, everyone seems to be sick at the moment.

You are unwell, why on earth would hosting be down to you? Do not be a martyr. Either cancel the relatives visiting or get your DH to do the work?

SleeplessInEngland · 20/12/2022 08:52

You're right, you are being unreasonable.

WhatTheHellIsAQuasar · 20/12/2022 08:52

God the poor bloke it’s not his fault you caught his cold! Get him and the family to pitch in and help instead of being a martyr and letting the bulk of hosting fall to you. You talk as though there’s nothing you can do to change that

Original poster
HIC2020 · 20/12/2022 08:52

I really enjoy hosting and if I wasn't feeling so rubbish I'd have absolutely no problem with it.

Like I said, I know I'm being unreasonable.. I think I'm just annoyed at getting ill so close to Christmas.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 20/12/2022 08:52

Why are you calling it a respiratory infection? It's a cold. Most of the country has had one in the last couple of weeks. You could have caught it anywhere.

Enjoychristmas · 20/12/2022 08:53

Well he is going to need to do prep. If it is very bad then also give your guests the choice now not to come so if they want and is practical they can make other arrangements

5foot5 · 20/12/2022 09:01

Pretty much the same as everyone else really. YABU to blame him for the cold and also for just assuming and expecting the majority of the hosting will be done by you. Now is a good time to address that one and assign him his fair share of the work.

You have to delegate. I am usually in charge for Christmas Dinner but that doesn't mean I do all the cooking. Other family members will always assist with things like veg preparation, table setting etc. I remember Christmas 2019 I had an awful cold and felt very under the weather and DH and DD insisted I spent the morning taking it easy and did the lot. Guess what? Dinner was just as good.

I know much of the work can be the tidying up, the shopping, getting guest bedrooms ready. We'll even if your DH tries to claim incompetence in the kitchen there is no reason not to assign him these tasks.

Lost123454 · 20/12/2022 09:03

I've had a crappy cold since Wednesday

I'm not blaming anybody, it's just life

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and soldier on. I just try to carry on as normal, that's how I fight it

gamerchick · 20/12/2022 09:03

And since you can catch a cold anywhere, next time you get one first. Lick his eyeball.