To complain to school

[hartytype]

My son, 10 is a happy, easy going little boy, who doesn't get into any trouble, but I think is a little bit bored at school. He's always on the move, playing football, running, rugby, ruining his shoes and the knees of his trousers. He makes us laugh and is kind and loving.
We had his parent's night end of September ( Scotland, so earlier than other parts of Uk). The teacher was running late, and the door was wide open. Large queue of parents, and potential to overhear other conversations.

The first five minutes of the meeting was spent reassuring us that he was doing well, and keeping up with the rest of the class.
Then they threw a bit of a bombshell. It was very vague, but along the lines of " I think you should get your son referred by gp as we think he might have some issues. He lacks concentration, doesn't listen to instructions, and can't sit still for long"...

They asked if we had any personal concerns of that nature, or noticed any traits at home, and honestly it doesn't really resonate.
The meeting wound up and we had to leave. With a million questions not answered.

We contacted gp, but did t really know what to say, as the school were vague. We presumed they think he should get tested for ADHD, but this phrase was never specifically mentioned.

The gp was a bit meh. She asked what was the school doing to support him already?
She asked for specific examples. We felt a bit foolish and didn't really know how to respond. The gp concluded that if the school were concerned they should be doing the referral, and further reminded us that CAHMs (sp?) has a four year waiting list...

So we are a bit in limbo. We aren't entirely convinced. We feel that it's odd to wait until the child is in p6 before they bring this up? Has no one noticed anything before then?
Why bring it up at the end if a parents meeting? When they are running late,? Should they not have arranged a separate private meeting instead?

Furthermore, tomorrow is the last day of term. Not once have any of the teachers in the school approached us and asked how we got on with the referral. Not once have we had an update on our son's behaviour.

I feel this was badly handled. I also feel that maybe we could have handled it better.

Are we unreasonable to just leave this? Fwiw our son is leaving the school in June, and transferring elsewhere for unrelated reasons.

Would be grateful for any opinions

Ps we could get him assessed privately at a local cost of about £1700, however we don't instinctively feel the need, but at same time don't want to disadvantage him in any way.

This they waited till last year of school to decide DS was dyslexic possible ADHD. I think they like to flag up issues before children leave as it’s then someone else’s problem but they don’t look incompetent for failing to recognise issues.

The thing is, if this child is managing to do well in school, isn't unhappy/struggling to cope, and isn't badly behaved, what's the issue?

Isn't the whole point that a diagnosis of neurodiversity implies a level of dysfunction that's seriously impacting someone. It doesn't sound like the case here. Its possible to just be a bit poor at concentrating, especially if bored, and not neurodiverse.

If he is a bright child and ready for a challenge he might just be starting to outgrow primary.

Children change all the time. Traits become more obvious as expectations change and development varies. That's why schools mention things in UKS2 that wasn't mentioned before.
It's not all about schools and teachers bring crap

This they waited till last year of school to decide DS was dyslexic possible ADHD.

But if they are dyslexic you must have been aware of issues on some level as they would have really struggled learning to read so must have been aware of him having reading support & interventions/being behind in reading

bright kids with neurodiversity issues or other challenges like dyslexia can often cope with the academic workload throughout primary as the expected levels are frankly pretty easy for anyone in the top 20% or so of ability range. even with dyslexia the issue can be masked at this stage because the teacher often has no idea how much harder it is for a very bright kid who is coping with an undiagnosed additional need to produce work that looks like a similar standard to what a less bright child is producing with a medium but acceptable effort.

the problem is huge because the masking and coping strategies that a child with undiagnosed additional needs invents for themselves to survive in primary gradually get harder and harder to maintain as the workload in senior school builds up. If they remain undiagnosed then the most likely outcome is that at some point between y9 and y11 they will have a catastrophic breakdown of some kind because the whole edifice they have been trying to maintain is unsupported and they desperately needed some support. these events can massively disrupt their educational pathways and close off what would have been brilliant potential if they had the support earlier.

but by that time the primary school simply doesn't care.

This. No one can answer these questions. You need to get in touch with the teacher. Odd that you haven't already.

Absolutely no need for a complaint, that would be a significant overreaction. It sounds like you're going to follow advice but a simple adult conversation in private with the teacher one day after school will resolve this one way or another.

I would ignore anything 'parental instincts' on this topic because every parent has blind spots when it comes to their children's behaviour and very few can be truly objective so I wouldn't put much weight behind that at all.

My only concerns are that the comments were made 2 1/2 months ago and you haven't done something about it since? I'd have spoken to the school to clarify the very next day. Now I get needing to absorb it all but it does feel like talking about complaining now after leaving it so long would be OTT.

A big part of ADHD diagnosis is whether the signs are present in different situations and throughout childhood, so if you don't think he has any signs and this is just a newly presenting problem at school, I would shelve this for now. The teacher can only go off what they see in school, and if he is struggling to concentrate and moving around a lot they might think it looks like ADHD there when really he's just bored or distracted for some reason. It's hard to tell the difference, and if they are seeing something in school, mention it and it makes you realise that actually this is a problem in other settings too, and at home, then it might be an opportunity for you to discuss and explore that possibility.

Be wary of thinking that if they are coping academically and socially in primary that there is no neurodivergence. DD coped perfectly well till Y12 when she had a MH crisis. She went to uni and is now doing PhD but an ADHD diagnosis last year has changed her life immeasurably for the better. It was suggested by her uni counsellor to whom we will always be grateful.

You should've followed this up with the school. Made further appointments. Got to the bottom of it.

I’d be asking for a meeting with teacher and/or senco to discuss their concerns further. I agree this conversation should have been a separate meeting rather than a bombshell dropped at parents eve, but at least they have raised it

The school has a duty to educate your child. They are not responsible for health diagnoses. There are many children in UK schools with conditions that have not been diagnosed because parents either do not want them 'labelled' or do not see an issue beyond their child being 'boisterous', 'lively' or 'quirky'. Schools cannot diagnose. They can raise concerns but to say to a parent 'we think your child has asd or adhd would be completely unwelcome and potentially wrong. Your school has suggested that you might consider this. You do not see an issue. That is your decision. It isn't up to the school to persuade you.

This makes you sound absolutely deranged.

Its not really ok to bring up stuff like that in a vague, hurried manner like this. You need an appointment with the teacher so you can get a good understanding of their concerns. I wouldn’t act further without that but I wouldn’t dismiss them either. You just need more information.

I think i would make an appointment in the new year to better understand the teachers concerns.

I would say that things can not be picked up until later in school, as a lot of things are normal at 4,5,6 but would be grown out of by 7,8,9 so its not until then you might think its actually becoming an issue.

Id also say that parents dont always notice how much they have adapted around the children they have.

Firstly,as a teacher myself I doubt there is z personal.vendetta against your son. As one person said it is difficult to get to the loo. If your son has not shown any evidence of lack of concentration at home,that's great. Remember at home he probably has yiur undivided attention,he certainly won't be vying for it with 29 other pupils like in class. The teacher probably did not handle this as well as s/he could have.
Complaining is pointless. Are you more hurt with the delivery of the information rather than the information itself?
My advice would be to contact the school to see when a mutually convenient appointment can be arranged so you can get the information you want and ideas about what next. School and parents should be working together for the best interest of the child. Finally,learning is not always entertaining and we are doing pupils a disservice if we continually promote it in this way.

Just a thought. Sometimes, when a child is neuro-diverse (which seems to be what the school is suggesting should be investigated) and comes from a family background of (possibly undiagnosed) neurodiversity, then it can be that the family doesn't recognise the issues as problematic.

This is because (a) it is normal in their experience, and (b) they unconsciously accommodate any needs in a positive way.

As others have said, make an appointment to talk to the class teacher, possibly with the SENCO if this is possible. Explain that you went to the GP but they felt that it might be a matter for the school to pursue so could you get more information about how they're doing and what the specific problems or behaviours causing concern are.
It's not at all uncommon to see different behaviours in different contexts or for some behaviours to stand out more as children mature. Added to this the pandemic, the effects of which are massively being seen in children over time, and it could be that there are traits of ADHD in your son, or that his development is completely normal.
I agree that you should have followed this up by now with the school but the fact that they haven't approached you either could mean that this is not a big issue.

I'm confused about the mixed messages you're getting.
He's keeping up with school work, gets good reports and has no behaviour issues.
Yet they say he doesn't listen to instructions and can't sit still for long.
If these issues were so bad, surely they'd have an impact on his school work and his behaviour?
How have school proposed to work with him to improve his following of instructions etc? How are they going to measure the impact when they haven't identified any areas that are being impacted since he's hitting academic targets and behaving well, according to them?
Maybe he IS bored. Maybe they need to look at whether he needs to be more academically challenged.
I would ask for a meeting with the senco, the head and the class teacher and get a full picture before rushing down the medical route, especially for £1700!
Maybe it's just his personality! Not everyone finds it easy, or enjoyable, to sit for long periods and concentrate on academic work. Maybe it's just maturity.
What is it that's making him stand out so much that they feel you need medical intervention? I'd be asking for specifics and asking what interventions are being put into place that you can support them with at home.

£1700 is a fairly standard fee for a full educational psychology or psychiatric assessment and report which would be helpful in not only working out whether he has ADHD or not, but also in advising in how to meet his needs.

It's really quite laughable to suggest that a teacher is in any way bothered about one child leaving sufficiently to make up fictional stuff to upset his parents. It's a completely routine event.

Don't complain, no.

Go back and figure out what the issues are. Also, spend time with him over the holidays to figure it out yourself.

Also, is he bright and bored in lessons? What is he reading at home? Find a good reading lisy, get him the books of it.

What extra maths are you doing with him at home? Are you playing board games at home, or chess, to help him with sitting still and to improve his concentration?

Have you asked your son why he doesn’t listen and follow instructions in class? Perhaps he should try harder?

I wouldn't go in with a complaint yet. If they had concerns of this nature they should have raised it at that point and now waited to throw it in at then end of a parents evening. That's was unprofessional. I would email and ask for a meeting to discuss the concern raised at parents evening. Say you were unaware of issues at home and none have been raised by the school to date and that your GP has asked why the school did not make a referral or at the least give you more information as to why one would be needed.

DS2's issues were highlighted to me during a parent's evening in P5.
Like your son, DS2 is academically able but by the time these concerns were expressed, it was becoming apparent that there were differences between him and his peers.
School were very supportive and we had several child planning meetings before his assessment. He was also able to take part in enhanced transition to high school.
The GP made the referral to CAMHS but we did go down the private route for diagnosis due to the length of the waiting list.

Agree that you should ask for a proper meeting with the SenCo (and possibly class teacher as well). Class teachers are not experts, but they do get to know the kids well and have some knowledge of things to look out for. There's a difficult line to tread when it's "possibly nothing but I'd hate it to go undiagnosed if not". I would hope that the teacher has already consulted the SenCo and asked for their opinion.

Unfortunately we don't have sencos in Scotland. There will be a learning support team but if OP's DS is doing fine in school he may not have met them/be known to them.