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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hug my boss

71 replies

CanStopWillStop · 19/12/2022 17:14

So I'm meeting my work colleagues next month for the first time after working together for 2 years remotely. In my previous in-person jobs I have, and would, hug my colleagues at appropriate times (i.e. social settings) but would it be unreasonable to hug my boss, who is younger than me and male, when we meet? I would obviously judge in the moment if it's an appropriate time to do so, but I'm curious if anyone would just outright never do it.

Additional context: they are Americans.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 19/12/2022 18:40

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 17:26

So much to unpack here

Do you think men who hug are demeaning themselves?

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I don’t think two men meeting for the first time in a work capacity would hug each other, I think they would shake hands. So I think I agree with the poster you quoted, yes it would be demeaning as a woman.

darkwinterdays · 19/12/2022 18:42

Additional context: they are Americans.

Worked for an American company for a while. Never seen anyone hug anyone else, just not their culture. All handshakers at best, maybe a bit of back slapping amongst the men after few beers.

Lummikukka · 19/12/2022 18:43

I hug my boss, and some colleagues who have grown to be friends. I didn't at the first meeting though, it probably started a couple of months in. A handshake would be better for your first face to face meeting.

Sparkletastic · 19/12/2022 18:46

God no.

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 18:47

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 18:40

I don’t think two men meeting for the first time in a work capacity would hug each other, I think they would shake hands. So I think I agree with the poster you quoted, yes it would be demeaning as a woman.

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Of course they would, many men hug at work, usually a weird arm grab and then in for a hug but a hug none the less.

MrsBridger · 19/12/2022 18:48

I'd physically recoil if someone went to hug me when I didn't know them
Just shake their hand

Pumperthepumper · 19/12/2022 18:49

Definitely no hugging.

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 18:57

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 18:47

Of course they would, many men hug at work, usually a weird arm grab and then in for a hug but a hug none the less.

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Of course they wouldn’t! What planet are you on. WeYou think two men, meeting in a professional capacity, for the first time, hug each other? Nope, I don’t think so. I have rarely seen men hug at work at all, definitely not first meeting.

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 18:58

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 18:57

Of course they wouldn’t! What planet are you on. WeYou think two men, meeting in a professional capacity, for the first time, hug each other? Nope, I don’t think so. I have rarely seen men hug at work at all, definitely not first meeting.

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Yes, have seen it multiple times, did you time travel from the 1980’s?

OnlyFannys · 19/12/2022 19:01

I wouldn't, my slightly older Male boss did this to me in the office last week and it made me very uncomfortable as I'm not a hugger. You could always say "are you a handshake person or a hug person" when you walk in?

Doingtheboxerbeat · 19/12/2022 19:02

I am a lifelong hugger and most people I meet generally are too .Only through MN and the pandemic have I known there are people who think I'm super rare and inappropriate.

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 19:02

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 18:58

Yes, have seen it multiple times, did you time travel from the 1980’s?

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I don’t understand your question. But I have worked from 1992 until the present day.

Kanaloa · 19/12/2022 19:04

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 18:47

Of course they would, many men hug at work, usually a weird arm grab and then in for a hug but a hug none the less.

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Where do you work?! I’ve never seen a man meet his new boss and go running for a hug. It would be considered really odd and slightly inappropriate behaviour anywhere I’ve worked.

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 19:04

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 19:02

I don’t understand your question. But I have worked from 1992 until the present day.

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As expected, outdated views on what constitutes the norm these days.

It’s weird you think no man has ever hugged another man at work, more so upon first meeting. I must have hallucinated the multiples times I have personally witnessed this happening.

Kanaloa · 19/12/2022 19:04

Doingtheboxerbeat · 19/12/2022 19:02

I am a lifelong hugger and most people I meet generally are too .Only through MN and the pandemic have I known there are people who think I'm super rare and inappropriate.

So you’d hug your boss when you first met them? That’s normal behaviour to you?

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 19:06

Kanaloa · 19/12/2022 19:04

Where do you work?! I’ve never seen a man meet his new boss and go running for a hug. It would be considered really odd and slightly inappropriate behaviour anywhere I’ve worked.

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Do women run for a hug?

I’ve never seen anyone of either sex run for a hug.

I work for one of the worlds largest FMCG companies, have worked in many countries with my work and seen many men hug on a first meeting, and yes even with other men…shock

I also echo PP that in the charity sector this is also very common, to the point it even caught me off guard and I’m somewhat used to it.

Kanaloa · 19/12/2022 19:07

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 19:06

Do women run for a hug?

I’ve never seen anyone of either sex run for a hug.

I work for one of the worlds largest FMCG companies, have worked in many countries with my work and seen many men hug on a first meeting, and yes even with other men…shock

I also echo PP that in the charity sector this is also very common, to the point it even caught me off guard and I’m somewhat used to it.

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Yeah, it is a shock. I really wouldn’t consider it the social norm to try to hug your boss when you first meet them.

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 19:11

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 19:04

As expected, outdated views on what constitutes the norm these days.

It’s weird you think no man has ever hugged another man at work, more so upon first meeting. I must have hallucinated the multiples times I have personally witnessed this happening.

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Outdated because I am currently part of the work force? 🤪

It’s weird you think no man has ever hugged another man at work

And it is telling that you need to invent things I have not said.

I have said I have rarely seen men hug at work and that I do not believe two men will hug in their first professional meeting, they will shake hands.

FelixDoublyDelicious · 19/12/2022 19:14

I hug the work colleagues that I want to, including my boss and also their boss (its reciprocated) I do not hug the boss that is 3 up as I cannot bear them <shudder>
My current manager was given that role whilst we were in lockdown, but we had many meetings on Teams during that time. First time I saw them in person we hugged😀

Quveas · 19/12/2022 19:16

I'd say it's inappropriate to hug ANYONE unless you know them well enough to know it's reciprocal.

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 19:17

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 19:11

Outdated because I am currently part of the work force? 🤪

It’s weird you think no man has ever hugged another man at work

And it is telling that you need to invent things I have not said.

I have said I have rarely seen men hug at work and that I do not believe two men will hug in their first professional meeting, they will shake hands.

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You belief doesn’t really tally with reality, hence why it’s a bit silly to make such definitive statements.

One person seeing this happen or experiencing it once proves you wrong

Rainydays2 · 19/12/2022 19:20

I hugged my boss (female, similar age to me) at our first face to face meeting after 1.5 years of remote working. It felt appropriate and natural so I went for it

Whatifthegrassisblue · 19/12/2022 19:21

If you've known him for 2 years then it would be like you knew him, so a hug wouldn't be odd. I'd just gauge the situation and see what feels natural

Goldendoodlemum · 19/12/2022 19:22

No, I wouldn't hug any of my current colleagues. We are all friendly but I just don't think it is very professional. Maybe it is the company we work for but unless I was super close with someone, I wouldn't hug them even in a social setting. I would just wave and say hello.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 19/12/2022 19:24

I would be really annoyed if any of my colleagues tried to hug me. Just now.