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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I don't want to help?

33 replies

WhenTheNightFalls · 19/12/2022 13:47

Friend is doing a massage course and wants me to train on, would include a back massage but I don't feel comfortable as way too intimate. Aibu to say no but what reason to give? Surely I can't be the only one who would find this uncomfortable ?

OP posts:
Clariana · 19/12/2022 13:49

YANBU - I would hate that too, I don't like being touched! I would just say that.

Sirzy · 19/12/2022 13:50

Just tell the truth. Just say you’re sorry but it’s not your thing.

NoelNoNoel · 19/12/2022 13:50

Sorry I don’t like massages.

Rainydays2 · 19/12/2022 13:55

Give them my number, id love free massages 😂 But seriously if it’s not your thing I’d say it totally fine to just say that. Can’t imagine anyone would be offended. (This reminds me of donkeys years ago when my former best friend was a medical student and asked if she can practice on me because she never got the needle in….I said not a chance in hell 🤣)

Stressedmum2017 · 19/12/2022 13:57

Don't do it, I had a trainee massage and it left my back messed up for weeks.

Natty13 · 19/12/2022 13:59

"I would prefer not to"

If that's met with "why?"

"I just don't want to"

You don't owe any explanation.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 19/12/2022 14:04

Some people would love a free massage and lots of others would feel as you do. Just say that you don't feel comfortable/don't enjoy massages. YANBU and your friend would be weird to be offended by that.

DenholmElliot11 · 19/12/2022 14:07

Have you got an open and honest relationship with your friend?

If so, openly and honestly tell her you wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.

If not, well, you've got bigger problems than that.

Laiste · 19/12/2022 14:09

If i were you i'd just say i have really sensitive skin and don't like massage at all. Sorry!!

In my case it's true. (unless it's DH doing it)

RightsHoarder · 19/12/2022 14:11

Oh honestly just say, it's absolutely fine to feel like this. Maybe someone who touches people for a living may struggle to understand but please be honest. I have only ever had a massage for injuries with a sports therapist, never for pleasure.

NEmama · 19/12/2022 14:20

You like what you like. I'd love this but my DH would hate it. Yanbu so say no thanks

weathervane1 · 19/12/2022 14:20

I did that for a woman friend (I'm Male) about five years ago. It was extremely professional, very relaxing and something I would have again. It wasn't intimate, no lines were crossed and I almost fell asleep - it was that good. Help your friend!

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 19/12/2022 14:24

I'd just say you're not a fan of being touched and don't like massages as a result. Tell them it's a nice offer and you're sure they'll have loads of takers though!

2bazookas · 19/12/2022 14:40

Just say no, you would not feel comfortable . No need to explain or give details.

If they persist, say this

"Listen, here's my free contribution to your training in massage.

A hands on therapist must respect other peoples boundaries. They should never, ever overstep the client's limits, touch them without consent, put them under pressure to comply, argue with their refusal. You just got your first refusal"

Tripsabroad · 19/12/2022 14:41

I did this for a friend and it was lovely and very professional, like a pp said. But I love massages. I know people who hate massages and it's quite common. Just say no.

Yahyahs22 · 19/12/2022 14:46

Can always say it in a jokey way, helps breaks the bad news. "Oh God no massages are my idea of hell!" Har har har...

Want2beme · 19/12/2022 15:18

I don't refuse people easily, but I would certainly be able to say no to this request. I would probably say I can't help you out there, I absolutely hate being touched. If they insist, I'd stand firm, saying nothing could persuade me.

dooneyousmugelf · 19/12/2022 15:21

I would hate that, but I also wouldn't have a problem in saying as such.

caramac04 · 19/12/2022 15:25

Tell your friend. When I trained to massage I had loads of people willing to let me massage them. Your friend should understand that massage is simply not for everyone but they will find others who will jump at the chance.

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 15:48

Some friend.

I can see why many on here struggle in later life with being lonely when this type of thing seems to be acceptable.

Tdcp · 19/12/2022 15:54

No thank you, I really don't like being touched.. I'd be more comfortable if it was a stranger than a friend (I know that's probably odd)

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 19/12/2022 15:57

Simply tell her the truth, that you would feel uncomfortable. Could she perhaps massage our legs, feet or hands, instead?

Laiste · 19/12/2022 17:46

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 15:48

Some friend.

I can see why many on here struggle in later life with being lonely when this type of thing seems to be acceptable.

What ''type of thing''? Confused

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 19/12/2022 18:32

I don't get where you are coming from @TyphoonSpagoon ?
I don't want to be massaged anywhere by a friend. It's too intimate for my comfort levels.

OP posts:
TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 18:38

Laiste · 19/12/2022 17:46

What ''type of thing''? Confused

Show quote history

Being unsupportive and prudish