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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I don't want to help?

33 replies

WhenTheNightFalls · 19/12/2022 13:47

Friend is doing a massage course and wants me to train on, would include a back massage but I don't feel comfortable as way too intimate. Aibu to say no but what reason to give? Surely I can't be the only one who would find this uncomfortable ?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 19/12/2022 18:50

It's not prudish to not want her to do such a long and intimate act.

OP posts:
TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 19:09

WhenTheNightFalls · 19/12/2022 18:50

It's not prudish to not want her to do such a long and intimate act.

You think a massage is intimate?

good lord, what do you think happens in a spa?

PinkArt · 19/12/2022 19:17

@weathervane1 That's great that you were happy in this situation. The OP however isn't. Women get guilted into enough things as it is, being touched when they don't want to be really isn't a situation where this should be encouraged.

OliveWah · 19/12/2022 19:26

YANBU - My friend once gave me a voucher for a £30 head massage for Christmas, which sounded lovely, until I realised the masseuse was her newly trained Dad! No chance I would want someone I knew doing any sort of massage on me - can you imagine if she was training to be a beautician and wanted to practice "intimate waxing" on you?!?

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 19/12/2022 21:56

Other people might be fine with someone they know doing such an intimate and long act on them, I would not and wouldn't want to massage any of my friends either

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 19/12/2022 21:58

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 15:48

Some friend.

I can see why many on here struggle in later life with being lonely when this type of thing seems to be acceptable.

Don’t know what friendships You have, but most people manage to continue friendships without involving massages.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 19/12/2022 22:01

WhenTheNightFalls · 19/12/2022 21:56

Other people might be fine with someone they know doing such an intimate and long act on them, I would not and wouldn't want to massage any of my friends either

Exactly op.
what other people are comfortable with is totally irrelevant.
what matters is that you don’t want a massage from your friend. That’s totally fine. Just say “no thanks, it’s not my cup of tea. I’ll help you hand out fliers/advertise on social media for Client though if you’d like help spreading the word about your business”.

ChubbyMorticia · 19/12/2022 22:06

TyphoonSpagoon · 19/12/2022 19:09

You think a massage is intimate?

good lord, what do you think happens in a spa?

Show quote history

Nothing that a client doesn’t consent to, which is the point.

Bodily autonomy and the ability to say no isn’t a bad thing or make someone a bad friend in the slightest. Why do you think that what OP’s friend wants to do to her body is more important than what she wants done?

How utterly bizarre, to view this as a litmus test of worthy friendship.

People get to refuse others touching them. “I don’t want to.” is a valid reason

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