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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make a gift for the in laws?

44 replies

squashedalmondcroissant · 19/12/2022 09:44

I have been with dp about 18 months and although I have met and like his family we aren't super close to the point where I know them well enough to get personalised individual gifts for them all.

I am considering making a hamper of sorts with some nice homemade chutneys, crackers, gingerbread and biscuits - a selection of Christmasy nibbles and things for all of them to share as they will all be together on Christmas/Boxing day.

Would this be ok as a gift? I don't have a lot of spare money this year as I am travelling a long way to see my family but I'd like to give them something. I am a professional chef so my kitchen is scrupulously clean and I know how to make things taste good. I even have fancy labels and stuff to make the jars look pretty, I make a lot of my own preserves/chutneys and they always go down a treat!

Wibu? Asking for opinions as it's been a long time since I've had in laws to consider! I know some people would hate homemade food gifts and would rather something bought even if it's just a chocolate selection box but dp is vegan so it would have to be something he can enjoy too 😁

OP posts:
katedan · 19/12/2022 09:44

Sounds lovely, I am sure they would love it.

WimpoleHat · 19/12/2022 09:45

I think that’s a lovely idea - and shows a lot of thought and care. Far more effort than, say, a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates which would be the usual “go to” gifts for people you don’t know very well.

Beebumble2 · 19/12/2022 09:52

I would be very pleased ( and amazed) if my DILs were so thoughtful and went to such trouble to make a hamper.
Go for it, you sound very kind.

Petronus · 19/12/2022 09:54

Given that this is something you are skilled in that sounds amazing and thoughtful.

DilemmaDelilah · 19/12/2022 11:42

I think that would be a lovely gift! I wouldn't go too overboard with the amount/quantity of things though. Maybe either sweet things or savoury? A selection of different biscuits/crackers for cheese and a couple of little jars of chutney, for example (but it's probably a bit late to mature chutney), or some nice items for an afternoon tea. A bit more difficult if you need to make it vegan though.

SippingSangriaInMyHead · 19/12/2022 12:14

Sounds lovely and thoughtful.

Stichintime · 19/12/2022 12:16

Usually I'd so no to home made food gifts, but as you're a pro definitely!

Anewhoo · 19/12/2022 12:18

I think it’s best if you ask your partner what they think as they’ll know them the best. Personally we’d hate a homemade hamper, but my husband would know that and try as dissuade people to get me us one! You can’t even donate to the food bank as they don’t tend to take hand made items!

bananaboats · 19/12/2022 12:21

I think it sounds lovely but I would run it past your DP first to see how they think it would go down.

spidereggs · 19/12/2022 12:25

@Anewhoo why?

I would love it, and even if there were bits I wasn't keen on it's very thoughtful. Especially from a chef.

pelargoniums · 19/12/2022 12:26

An amateur hamper = no. A professional chef hamper = YES. Go for it!

Original poster
squashedalmondcroissant · 19/12/2022 12:41

@Anewhoo that's what I'm afraid of, that they won't like it and it'll be a waste!

I did ask dp if he thought they'd like that but tbh we'd had a few beverages when I had the idea and I can't quite remember what his response was! 😂

OP posts:
whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 12:49

Really that aren't your inlaws are they? They are your boyfriends parents who you have met a couple of times.

Bottle of wine in a gift bag is enough.

pelargoniums · 19/12/2022 12:51

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 12:49

Really that aren't your inlaws are they? They are your boyfriends parents who you have met a couple of times.

Bottle of wine in a gift bag is enough.

You must be a hoot at parties.

Original poster
squashedalmondcroissant · 19/12/2022 12:52

@whattodo1975 well we aren't getting married so they're as 'in laws' as they're ever going to get 😂

They also don't drink so boozy gifts are out 😊

OP posts:
Stressedmum2017 · 19/12/2022 12:53

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 12:49

Really that aren't your inlaws are they? They are your boyfriends parents who you have met a couple of times.

Bottle of wine in a gift bag is enough.

What makes you say its only boyfriend and not partner? Op hasn't said whether she lives and shares finances with him etc?

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 12:59

Stressedmum2017 · 19/12/2022 12:53

What makes you say its only boyfriend and not partner? Op hasn't said whether she lives and shares finances with him etc?

Show quote history

If they were partners he would be sorting out the gift for his parents from the both of them, she would not be lowering herself to sort the gift to HIS parents that is from them both.

She wants to do a nice little gift for them, as she is fairly new and wants to make a good impression.

Stressedmum2017 · 19/12/2022 13:05

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 12:59

If they were partners he would be sorting out the gift for his parents from the both of them, she would not be lowering herself to sort the gift to HIS parents that is from them both.

She wants to do a nice little gift for them, as she is fairly new and wants to make a good impression.

Show quote history

What are you on about, I was with my ex for 13 years and had 3 kids and I sorted all the gifts out for both sides... Like my mum did when she was married to my dad for 30 years... Doesn't mean you are only boyfriend and girlfriend 😂😂

FriedEggChocolate · 19/12/2022 13:06

I've only ever done these with bought items - fruit cake, crackers (for cheese), tea etc. but they've gone down well with their recipients. Nice idea.

123woop · 19/12/2022 13:07

I would love this!

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 13:07

Stressedmum2017 · 19/12/2022 13:05

What are you on about, I was with my ex for 13 years and had 3 kids and I sorted all the gifts out for both sides... Like my mum did when she was married to my dad for 30 years... Doesn't mean you are only boyfriend and girlfriend 😂😂

Show quote history

You shouldn't have though should you, not according to the laws of mumsnet. OH have should have done for his side of the family.

In the case of the OP they have only been together a short time, relatively speaking, so i would say boyfriend/girlfriend scenario.

username445566 · 19/12/2022 13:08

This is a lovely idea!

PoseyFlump · 19/12/2022 13:12

Sounds wonderful! As long as the food will last for a good while in case they've already bought lots of perishables in for Christmas!

user627494927 · 19/12/2022 13:16

I wouldn’t be keen on homemade foods as a gift from someone who does it as a hobby, not a job. Wouldn’t turn my nose up but wouldn’t be sure about it either. However, I think that because it is something you do as a paid job and you are offering it for free that it is actually really nice. I’d be happy if a pro chef made me some homemade foods.

Stressedmum2017 · 19/12/2022 13:16

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 13:07

You shouldn't have though should you, not according to the laws of mumsnet. OH have should have done for his side of the family.

In the case of the OP they have only been together a short time, relatively speaking, so i would say boyfriend/girlfriend scenario.

Show quote history

Have to agree to disagree there I think lifestyle marks degree of relationship rather than time together. At 18 months you can be living together, joint bank account and baby born/on the way. Similarly you could have been an item 10 years but still live apart and only see each other once a week for a date night. I know which one I'd consider boyfriend, girlfriend and which one partners.