To ask how to be a more fun mum?

[Weirdy]

I’ve got two kids and I suffer with depression. I’m a single mum who works full time, once I get done cooking cleaning tidying sorting kids things out I am exhausted.

I try to do something fun with them every weekend, but when we’re at home I end up on the sofa, tired and waiting for bed time. My daughter is nearly 13 and I can tell she is bored sometimes, she ends up on her tablet or phone too and I really don’t want that all the time. Does anyone have any fun things they do at home with kids, like games, arts and crafts etc? I’m drawing a blank right now and feel quite overwhelmed.

Bumping as I feel guilty about this too.

It is hard. My kids are a lot younger but we get bogged down in school/work life. I find doing something a bit spontaneous helps: I got then a McDonald's breakfast before school the other day - their faces! (Not healthy I know but was a one off).

Cut yourself some slack as well. It's not easy.

In the run up to Christmas can you decorate a gingerbread house, bake cookies, make rocky road etc
Have a board game night or watch a movie with popcorn.
Go for a walk and see the lights
Dinner out or as a pp said - breakfast.

As they get older it gets harder to entertain them -ask them for suggestions too!

Are you getting help/ treatment for your depression? Do you do anything nice for yourself? My advice is to look after yourself first.... only then can fun follow.

(I suppose you can try and go through the motions for your DCs - a game after tea time every day- Qwirkle/ Rummikub that kind of thing. Put music on if your doing chores together eg making tea/ setting table- make a great playlist together. Try and focus on the positives when you're with your DCs- you need to have somewhere else (friend/ counsellor) to vent your own unhappiness.)

Not sure if I'm a fun mum but I do try to worry less about the little things, and plan stuff to do together

Play music and dance as you cook together / tidy / fold washing together. Take it in turns to pick the songs so you learn about each others taste.

Plan and cook meals from different places, on Saturdays if we're in we might have Chinese banquet or 80s dinner party. Keep it simple and fun, not meant to add to the chores!

Take up shared interest even if it's knitting a scarf while you watch tv together.

Do chores in allocated time slots, eg cleaning hour 10-11 on Sunday where everyone does their bit and then you go out for a walk somewhere new / watch a new movie etc

Play a board game after dinner a couple of nights each week instead of TV. Even a few hands of Uno gets you sitting around the table together chatting.

If you can afford it stop on the way home from evening pickups and buy chips for tea occasionally as a treat and break from everyone's routine.

I'll be watching for other ideas

OP I’m impressed you are even asking! When I’m finished for the day all I want to do is hide in my phone. I simply don’t have the energy to play games! My kids love it when their granny plays with them - anything - chess, scrabble, ludo. They also love doing wordle with her. We have a few days off together and I’m going to get them to teach me their favourite game. On a normal day this wouldn’t happen.
Well done you!

One of mine is a similar age and I find it’s harder now to find cheap or free ways to have fun with her; what we’ve done is have movie nights or afternoon with sweets and popcorn, marathons of tv series. Lots of cinemas are doing cheap tickets now so we do that. My teen DC likes baking too: we used to do a lot together but she likes To do it just with a little input from me and decorate

Do you actually enjoy crafts and board games? Because if you don't then the fun will be quite forced! I like crafts personally, I got a block of air drying clay and acrylic paint and we made some Christmas ornaments for the tree. They look absolutely rubbish to be honest but it was a nice activity! My older dc wanted to make a dragons eye which he's done at school before, which was fine , I think the key is to go with the flow and not be rigid about it.
Agree about the mcd breakfast, my fave memory this year was when we had to be up early and took one down to the beach. It was glorious.
You could look at cooking together to make some fun meals, that way you also get a job done. What about making a grazing board together?

Good idea for a thread op
following for ideas

what kinda things do you enjoy ?

A movie night would be nice. Get your DD to pick the film, have blankets, popcorn, snuggle. But you can also switch off if you’re tired x

I have been there, and there are definitely days when I still feel like there’s too much to do and everything is getting on top of me. I think the important thing to remember is that you don’t need to spend all day in quality time, just make sure your kids know you will stop doing jobs to have fun with them, maybe just aim for 10 minutes a day to start.

Kitchen dance party - most days at some point me and my kids will dance in the kitchen. Bung some Xmas music on whilst you cook and dance for one song. 3 minutes. It lifts my mood as well and my kids know I will stop cooking to engage with them, which is important. My daughter is nearly 13 and she will still join in.

board games. Not like monopoly, get some cards and learn a new game together, play something quick and simple like rummy. Lots of other kids card games out, we like sussed as it’s a “how we’ll do I know you” type game. Or the family friendly version of cards against humanity.

special hot chocolate. Just get squirty cream, marshmallows, sprinkles and make them together and sit and drink them together on the sofa.

The more fun I am with my kids the easier it is to be fun, if that makes sense.

Some great suggestions here.

There are monthly art/craft/mindfulness planners or diaries with 1 activity/page per day. Something like that would mean you don't have to use your brain to think ahead or plan, just look through the book.

Could even pick up a craft book and just pick 1 thing to do each week?

The randomness is part of being "fun mum" and not caring too much about the outcome, caring about having fun and a laugh rather than the task/activity itself.

Agree putting music on and blitzing housework together / turning it into a friendly competition can really help. 13 is more than old enough to put away own clothes, dishes etc.

I agree you need to look after yourself too. Here are some ideas for you both:

Pampering - paint nails, put on face/hair/feet masks, nice smelling hand cream etc
Cinema - watch a movie with some treats
Air drying clay - clay can be really therapeutic. Make things and paint when dry
Christmas quiz - look up online, take turns asking questions
Make your own pizzas. Buy bases and get a mix of toppings
Scrapbooking - I find this activity so relaxing and my DD likes it too.
Beading - you can make lovely bracelets with the small clay beads

We like board games too. Some good ones are:
Scotland Yard
Catan
Ticket to Ride
Pandemic
Mysterium Park

The other big thing is exercise. I have a serious mental illness and this makes such a difference to me. At home you could:
Put favourite music on and dance around
Look up a Zumba workout to do
Try one of the fun Yoga sessions there are online

Also out of the house:
Swimming
Roller skating
Trampolining
Badminton
Table Tennis
Walk somewhere scenic

I know when you're tired the last thing you can feel like is exercising but funnily enough it actually gives you more energy! The key is to make it fun/pleasurable so you want to do it.

I think you're a lovely mum for wanting to make your DD's weekends a lot of fun. But remember sometimes we're busy or for whatever reason we don't end up having much fun at the weekend. That's normal - don't beat yourself up about it! It's good for kids to be bored sometimes and make their own fun! Good Luck 😊

Against all odds I ended up being seen as the "cool mum" (yes, that's what she calls me) by my teen. My ex is busy playing Disney dad and taking the kids out every minute of every day he has them, but when they come to me it's the routines they appreciate.

What makes me cool, apparently, is the fact that I don't take myself or them too seriously.

I give them space when they want it (so the odd evening they'll just be upstairs on their phone/ tablet), but we have mostly fallen into a routine of getting together every evening to watch a TV show we both enjoy once the younger one is in bed (any box set will do there, really).

They have light chores, are expected to help with some bits around the house, but we also just spend a huge amount of time talking - I happily listen to the latest teen drama and offer advice, share some of the crap from my life and work. I help with advice on homework and the very odd test prep. I make sure the boring forms are filled in, dentist and optician visits are done, and we go to the library every weekend I have them.

We share a hobby or two, but do it side by side rather than together - but she asks for my advice and appreciates it.

I think the big difference is that they see me as someone they trust and who cares about them in a reliable fashion. Someone who doesn't judge too much. That makes them open up and see you far more positively, they engage more with you and you become more fun as a result. It's hard to explain, because on paper my ex is doing the better job at being fun.

Oh, it helps I have had the odd nerf gun fight involving her boyfriend, I guess, but that just developed, again, through chat.

To be honest at 13 that sounds familiar whatever you try to do with them, at least for some children. We still eat together, tend to go out for walks, coffee etc and will watch films together, however teens also like their own space, to chat with friends, catch up on work/ sleep. Being on a tablet is their equivalent of taking over the landline chatting with friends, drove my parents potty too. Naturally over the next few years they will start to disconnect more, it is not that they don't need you, they do but in different ways and on their own terms (to an extent). It can have challenges parenting teens but it is rewarding too. It sounds as if you are already doing a great job.

Movie nights? You take turns to pick a movie and everyone has to stay to watch. Then movie snacks at home. Like nachos hotdogs and popcorn. We have a projector we used for this. Meant the kids was exposed to a wider range of movies. And we were too. And it is not a lot of effort.

Also agree a series to watch together.

I'm a single mum and I sympathise with the exhausted feeling. I have a ds 14 and one thing we do together most weeks now is either...

He chooses what's for tea on Saturday, shops for it and makes it. Which means getting the cook books out on a Saturday morning, then being involved in his own shopping list. If you've ever seen a 14 year old boy trying to buy haddock (for chowder), you'll realise how funny this can be...

or

He chooses a country and one of us cooks at least one thing from that country. Have normal food in reserve 😀

I was going to cook anyway so it doesn't add much time for me but involves him in much discussion, something to share and he's learning to cook at the same time.

i stick a disco light on and put karaoke songs on youtube, minimal effort, she loves it. That or film night or board games.

We do board games. It helps if there is a platter of cheese nearby.

Do you drive? My teen loves a trip to drive-thru Costa. It’s hardly any effort at all, but teens are often chatty in the car. It’s a nice bit of bonding time and gets us out of the house.

Totally hear your struggle - I’m in the same boat but you’re doing great.

I love this idea, going to steal it!

Lots of good ideas on this thread, would just add you could ask your DD what she’d like to do with you and ask her to plan it.

But with teens, it’s normal to feel like you’re not doing enough with them and I find I do less “big” events with them and more small things - grabbing a Starbucks together, watching a film with snacks to tempt them etc.

For many years as long as children were fed and watered, had somewhere to sleep and weren't abused that was good enough. Obviously we all want more for our relationships with our children now which is great but all this pressure to be fun and provide entertainment and for children to never be bored is too much sometimes. Some good ideas here but give yourself a break too.

This is the true-est (is that a word?) clip describing having a teenage daughter I e seen. Cut yourself some slack 🙂

m.youtube.com/watch?v=5TAShNKMZek

Thank you so much for your kind messages I’m welling up over here. So many good ideas, we’ll definitely do some over the Christmas break. Just a side note I don’t put my unhappiness on my kids, I just say I’m tired. I don’t think they can see this, at least I hope not.

I ask my daughter and everything she says is she doesn’t know. I have a big age gap so it’s hard to keep everyone happy too

DD is also 13 and an only child and I'm a single parent. We keep quick and easy games to hand, chess, packs of cards, uno and make sure we have a game of something everyday as that is normally when she's open to chatting.

Being a 'fun' mum has changed over the years as she's gotten older, now it's all about joining her in her world we take turns sharing music, turns on a video game, or silly YouTube videos (FBE Try Not To laugh etc are a big hit). I book things for her and her friends and taxi drive them around which she appreciates.