To ask how to be a more fun mum?

[Weirdy]

I’ve got two kids and I suffer with depression. I’m a single mum who works full time, once I get done cooking cleaning tidying sorting kids things out I am exhausted.

I try to do something fun with them every weekend, but when we’re at home I end up on the sofa, tired and waiting for bed time. My daughter is nearly 13 and I can tell she is bored sometimes, she ends up on her tablet or phone too and I really don’t want that all the time. Does anyone have any fun things they do at home with kids, like games, arts and crafts etc? I’m drawing a blank right now and feel quite overwhelmed.

I really relate OP. It’s a struggle! We put on The Traitors this weekend and everyone actually sat down engaged for once. I didn’t have the energy to bake etc.

It can help to create some small routines that are easy to put in place. E.g. Have tea together and when you sit down, ask fun querstions like: if you had 1 million pounds to spend just on yourself, what would you buy? If you had a million to spend just on making the world a better place, what would you do with it? What is your dream house? Etc. You join in too. Share dreams and ideas. My young teens loved these questions and it actually can help you get an idea of what is important to them and what careers might suit them later on.

You could also ask for help in the kitchen after dinner - disco dishes - put on a dance track of music you know your teenage daughter likes and you have to clear up while dancing to it. You might feel stupid at first but once you all get used to it, it's fun.

Or you could bring your laptop to breakfast on Sunday and do Desert Island discs with your teen - ask them to choose the eight tracks of music that would keep them going on a desert island, and play them one by one.

It's fine to be knackered and watch TV after work. Do it together. Find some family shows to watch and discuss - go for uplifting stuff like Strictly or funny long running series like Parks & Rec rather than nasty, manipulative reality TV stuff like Love Island or IACGMOOH.

In the holidays, sit down with all yoru DC and make a holiday bucket list for each season. Encourage them to choose simple and cheap fun things. At Christmas it might be: Go for a frosty walk to look at lit up houses, have hot choc with marshmallows, have a family film pizza and popcorn night, decorate the tree, make paper chains, go to a carol service etc.

I did stuff like this because i had severe depression when DC were young and like you I wanted them to have fun. Finding easy things that didn't cost much money or effort but had lots of value was what worked best.

You sound like a lovely mum, by the way. I was so worried about my depression affecting them that I bust a gut to be 'fun mum' - OTT at times on reflection. The small things are what they love most.

Google what's on in the local area

My DM was a single parent who worked long hours - we didn't do "fun" activities. My favourite memories are the competitions my DM set up with chores (we're both very competitive). For example, if we were sweeping then I'd start and one end of the hall and she's start at the other and the winner is the person who sweeps the most. Or, if we were cooking then you'd each guess how much pasta is 100g (or whatever amount) and the winner is the closest. Guess how long the kettle will take to boil then time it. Just make everything a competition - no 13yo is bored by proving their DM wrong, it's an innate part of teenagehood. It sounds lame written down but it was the best.

Try and be a bit daft. I'm sure you can try lots of different things - singing in a silly voice, silly dancing, making up stories about the pets and their alternative identities, watching TV and noticing things that are funny and then collectively laughing about it etc.

Once the kids laugh (and see you laugh) you'll develop some family in jokes that they will want to replay again and again.

Doesn't matter if you don't feel it, fake it and it will start feeling more real in time.

@Skethylita Lovely post

Kitchen discos, setting aside 15 minutes each day to just chat, letting them direct the conversation.
I bought light-up red clown noses cheaply on Amazon and we leave one on the kitchen table. Whenever anyone says something silly they have to put on the red nose. It’s ridiculous but makes us all laugh.

A girly pamper night with DD, face/foot/hair masks you can get from the pound shop, paint each others nails, look up some hairstyle tutorials on YouTube that you could try on each other. Inexpensive and relaxing after a long week 🙂

Being a fun mum isn’t always about planning the big things, as it can be stressful and if things don’t go right can lead to disappointment.

it’s as some other people have said it’s about doing the little things together. Such as getting them to help with cooking with the music on. Spending some time with them doing their things it’s not always about doing big craft projects and the such as often kids attention spans are short anyway so they get bored of those and a Lot of the pictures /videos of that are probably from a 5 mins segment not something that was done for hours at an end.

I agree with a bit of spontaneity over something simple being a good quick win, things that surprise my kids definitely have them classify me as fun.

Yesterday one of them moaned about what I'd made for lunch. The conversation went on for a bit, with me pointing out that I do try to involve them when planning food for the week but generally I am ignored so they're stuck with what I decide. He carried on so I said you go and have a look in the fridge and tell me what you want me to use to make tea

So we had chicken curry with corn on the cob, and strawberries with whipped cream mixed with lemon curd

Random but no harm done. And I did lie a bit and tell them there was both mayo and mustard in the curry. They both ate their dinner and I've ticked a fun mum box!

McDonald's breakfast sounds like another good quick easy out of routine trick to have up your sleeve. I would have been beside myself if my mum had ordered breakfast for me as a kid.

Pancakes for breakfast here on a weekend are fun too. I think there's a lot to be said for just throwing routine out the window when you can.

If you are exhausted, as surely you are as a single mum, don't put pressure on yourself to be 'fun' as well. I'd just try to build in some things you already do but do them together- like cooking together, putting on music and getting the chores done, finding a show you both enjoy and watching together (I have separate series for each child). What about going to the supermarket then stopping off in the cafe and having a hot chocolate and a chat? There's no point adding in lots of extra tiring things that a 13 year old doesn't want to do (unless she loves board games), I'd go for making everyday life more fun. Just listen if she wants to chat, make a cuppa when she gets in from school, it's not big display gestures, it's feeling like you are on her side.

OP - also bear in mind the time of year.

It's dark so early and there's a tendency towards hibernation - no one's really feeling at their funnest and most energetic right now so please cut yourself some slack.

We curl up and read for half an hour or so - a break from screens. Maybe put on music and do a jigsaw, light the fire. This time of year is about being cosy - making them go out so you can ramp up the cosy when you get home works well too

In my house we have Friday night movies, we bring blankets and even the air mattress sometimes to the lounge room, get nice treats in or get a take away. It takes minimal effort but everyone enjoys it.

Sometimes we have sonic racing championships on the playstation or my boys try to teach me one of there other games, which mostly ends in them laughing at me because I am rubbish.

We also like baking together. I agree that putting on some upbeat music while I'm cooking lifts the mood a lot. A few years ago we had totem tennis set up in our backyard and had lots of fun with it until an over enthusiastic hit sent it over the neighbours fence.

Don't be hard on yourself though. I am a single mum with 2 kids as well and it's exhausting. You can't be switched on all of the time.

You sound lovely OP so don't be hard on yourself. If either of your kids have a games console offering to play a game with them often has hilarious consequences. I don't know how old your youngest is but there are lots of age appropriate games. Turns out I'm quite good at Fortnite but terrible at Forza. Your 13 y.o can definitely be trusted to cook with you acting as helper. Tilly Ramsay recipes are really good for this age group to do more or less on their own. Just going for a walk to look at the Christmas lights and then having a hot chocolate at home (with cream and marshmallows) is lovely. I still used to read to mine at this age if they let me. Really low energy activity just snuggled on the sofa. Board games are also great. Ones suitable for a big age range are Uno and Dobble. Kids ultimately just want attention so it doesn't have to be anything that makes a huge mess, takes hours or costs a fortune.

Baking is good, because you'll get treats out of it.
Or if she's going to be on her phone, how about suggesting Duolingo?

Pamper night for your teenager. Cheap face masks etc. x

I have a 12 year old boy who likes football. I don't like football! I try to play with him outside in the summer or get him to show me his new tricks. I play on the wii with him sometimes. Board games are fab but we only tend to have time in the school holidays for stuff like that. I have 3 kids in total so am usually working or being a taxi service. We made the Christmas cake last week and the kids loved it, everyone together. That is rare though as usually someone isn't here and at a club or a friend's house. Don't worry is basically what I am trying to say x

I have never subscribed to the idea that we need to be providing entertainment for our kids at every moment. I don't remember my mum ever playing with me, doing crafts with me, cooking with me or anything really. We were expected to make our own fun, which we did and it was great. I never felt hard done by or like I was missing out.

We do little spa evenings where we do a face mask, paint nails, listen to music, have a few nibbles and some Shloer. Cucumber slices on eyes, they laugh at me attempting tik tok dances and then we chill in our PJs.