To want to stop giving all the kids presents

[bahhumbugged]

I have 2 nieces, 2 step-nieces, and a step-nephew. I am close(ish) in ages to them, closest in age is 7 years younger than me and youngest is 14 years younger.

I have bought them gifts throughout their lives as their aunt until they reached 18/21 and still send cards each birthday/xmas, and gifts on milestone birthdays. I have been a step-aunt to them for more than 20 years.

3 of them have children of their own now totalling 4 great-nieces and nephews, and my step-niece has a step-daughter who I've just started buying for, as well as her own son. Ages ranges from 0-11. I have 2 kids, 5 and 11. The 11 year olds have grown up together, go to the same school, and are close. We are all geographically close.

I now buy my nieces/nephew's kids gifts and send them all xmas/birthday cards.

I personally have not received birthday cards/Xmas cards/gifts from them over the years. I never thought anything of it but, the thing that is annoying me now, is that my kids don't get anything from them at all, unless their kids come to a birthday party.

I've said to my DH over the past couple of years about stopping (it's my family), but he doesn't want to rock the boat and thinks it would be easier to just give them as usual and "it is Christmas after all".

One particular branch of the family would not be happy about me stopping at all and sees it as my "duty" as the aunt. I'm getting a little pissed off as it's as if my kids don't matter.

My kids haven't said anything/noticed but every year I am waiting for them to ask why they don't get anything. I don't make a big deal of getting the other kids gifts, mine are likely not even aware and they get loads anyway so aren't "missing out".

I'm also not flush by any manner of means!

Am I being oversensitive?? If so, I'm happy to be told I am so I can stop getting annoyed every bloody Christmas 😆

No you're not being oversensitive at all!
Can I ask before I reply in full, what's the situation with your siblings, the parents of these neices and step neice and step nephew (who now also have kids of their own)? As they're obviously your kids' aunts/uncles?

Stop. If/when they ask about it, just say “When did you ever send anything for my kids?” Easy.

Stop now!!

why are your kids being treated like shit by your family? It’s pretty appalling that they ignore them. If you need to do gifts, ask when you will all be exchanging kids gifts. Or buy a selection pack only.

Stop after this year !

I had exactly the same issue kept buying for everyone else and my DDs got very little if anything in return , so I stopped. I know you don’t give to receive but when your own chidren are noticing it’s best to stop. I’d rather save and spend my money on my own !

Just stop! That’s madness, especially if it’s not reciprocated. If your DH is that keen for it to continue he can do it himself.

I'd do a token gesture this year, selection box or book. But I'd be making it clear your stopping it next year.
Do your siblings buy gifts for your kids, would they be likely to buy for the next generation? Few people would expect a Great Aunt to be buying anything.

My siblings buy for my kids.

I am kinda glad I'm not being selfish but also apprehensive about stopping...

You are not selfish at all. I have stopped buying for friends and family. I only buy for my 2 children and it’s bliss! 💐💐

Just stop. I have 2 nieces and 4 nephews and 2dc of my own. A few years back (whilst the dc were all under 10) we decided to stop buying, they have so much already that the dc didnt even know who had sent what. Christmas is expensive enough already

Just stop. I think lots of people will be cutting down this year. It would be beyond cheeky of them to ask why if they don't buy for you/your kids!

I'm feeling quite brave now 😂 I might not give them the things I've bought this year. I can return most of it or gift some at birthday parties.

Yes to a selection box with the formal notice that it stops here as “as it has all got too expensive”.

noone can justifiably say you are tight after years of unreciprocated gifts.

Stop. Or if you think that’s too big a step, just buy small chocolate thing for them. This is what I’ve done for the last couple of years. There are 8 children I get something for who are not my own. I get them Xmas chocolate which is usually between £1 and £3 if you go to a bargain shop. For my nephew and niece who are young I find a few books and games that my children are ready too pass on and put them in a box with the choc and wrap it up. That way they have a large present to open but it’s only cost my £1 each this year. And good for the world to reuse items. My sister is fine with this.

I would buy the family a tub of chocolate or something this year and of anything is mentioned say you're having to cut back on spending as money is tight. Then see how it goes from there.

I agree with others, get them an Xmas selection box or similar small treat then the gifting has continued but you don’t feel put out by it!

I’ve been there too. Exact same situation. We stopped. We did get aggro for it as it was expected of us (but not them even though we are less well off than the grown up niece and nephews with the kids), but I felt the same as you - it felt like my kids didn’t matter as they had nothing in return and we felt like a mug buying for them all (10 in total and we really couldn’t afford it). They call us ‘tight’ now even though the childrens parents have never so much as sent us a Christmas card 🤷🏻‍♀️.

We bought all nieces and nephews until 18….then stopped…..I’m 58 now and already have 12 GN and Ns aged from 0 to 13 ….I buy a present when they are born now and that’s it…..I just buy for my own 3 GC …..it gets out of hand otherwise…..I actually have 1 DN left who is under 18 ( he’s 16) so he will get an Xmas pressie for next 2 years, but then I’m done

Have they ever written or posted a thank you card. Not a text or verbal, have they put in effort to show appreciation for the gifts?
(I mean the children written, but clearly sat down and helped by the adults. No presents don't really affect kids at Christmas, they receive a ton.)
And yes- I meticulously write down all the people who send to my kids and we/they write thank yous. Basic manners here!

Stop after this year, donate money to a charity instead.

I'm knocking a lot on the head this year. (Not literally, obviously 😂). Just get a family gift for their household, big box of chocs or biscuits.

Stop now. I don’t even know why you started. It’s completely out of hand and ridiculous. At most, buy a family gift - a box of biscuits of a box of chocolates.

We stop at 18 or until you leave full-time education.

If you have children then the don't get a present yourself anymore is perfectly reasonable.

I wouldn't even do that.

Ooh yes buy them a goat from oxfam