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Original poster

To want to stop giving all the kids presents

37 replies

bahhumbugged · 19/12/2022 04:18

I have 2 nieces, 2 step-nieces, and a step-nephew. I am close(ish) in ages to them, closest in age is 7 years younger than me and youngest is 14 years younger.

I have bought them gifts throughout their lives as their aunt until they reached 18/21 and still send cards each birthday/xmas, and gifts on milestone birthdays. I have been a step-aunt to them for more than 20 years.

3 of them have children of their own now totalling 4 great-nieces and nephews, and my step-niece has a step-daughter who I've just started buying for, as well as her own son. Ages ranges from 0-11. I have 2 kids, 5 and 11. The 11 year olds have grown up together, go to the same school, and are close. We are all geographically close.

I now buy my nieces/nephew's kids gifts and send them all xmas/birthday cards.

I personally have not received birthday cards/Xmas cards/gifts from them over the years. I never thought anything of it but, the thing that is annoying me now, is that my kids don't get anything from them at all, unless their kids come to a birthday party.

I've said to my DH over the past couple of years about stopping (it's my family), but he doesn't want to rock the boat and thinks it would be easier to just give them as usual and "it is Christmas after all".

One particular branch of the family would not be happy about me stopping at all and sees it as my "duty" as the aunt. I'm getting a little pissed off as it's as if my kids don't matter.

My kids haven't said anything/noticed but every year I am waiting for them to ask why they don't get anything. I don't make a big deal of getting the other kids gifts, mine are likely not even aware and they get loads anyway so aren't "missing out".

I'm also not flush by any manner of means!

Am I being oversensitive?? If so, I'm happy to be told I am so I can stop getting annoyed every bloody Christmas 😆

OP posts:
Auntieobem · 19/12/2022 08:54

We buy for our 5 neices and nephews - age range 14- 34, and our 5 great neices and nephews. I think it's getting a bit ridiculous. 2 of our neices do get us a present back, but the eldest (who earns significantly more than us) has never even sent us a card. Her brother has never sent a card or even said thank you. I think we'll stop next year.

Sugarfree23 · 19/12/2022 09:20

Auntieobem · 19/12/2022 08:54

We buy for our 5 neices and nephews - age range 14- 34, and our 5 great neices and nephews. I think it's getting a bit ridiculous. 2 of our neices do get us a present back, but the eldest (who earns significantly more than us) has never even sent us a card. Her brother has never sent a card or even said thank you. I think we'll stop next year.

Thats definitely nuts. Id cut out the adults and second generation only give your neices / nephews who are under 18.

redredwineub40 · 19/12/2022 09:30

I stopped when they were 18 as I hadn't even had a text in years from any of them, and my kids too get zero from their parents most years.

Tiani4 · 19/12/2022 09:38

Hold on your bought for your nieces and new phew - your siblings DCs until they were 18/21. So that's same as your siblings buying for your DCs

As for buying for other peoples families ie your nieces and nephews DCs / step DCs etc when they as adults DONT buy for your under 18 DCs- just pack that in!! Stop.
Spend the money on your DCs. Gift those pressies to your DCs or as party gifts for upcoming birthdays for DCs actual friends.

(If your extended family complain you say but you (/those adult families) don't buy anything for my minor DCs so it's been completely uneven and can't believe it's taken us this long to stop. )

NeedToChangeName · 19/12/2022 09:39

You buy gifts for your nieces / nephews. And your siblings buy gifts for their nieces / nephews (aka your children). So that seems OK

You seem to be upset that your nieces / nephews don't buy for your children (their cousins). Have I got that right? I wouldn't expect them to do that, and it would increase the number of gifts overall. And then you would potentially be buying more gifts, for your children to give to those cousins in return

It's rude that your nieces and nephews don't thank for gifts

Not necessarily rude that they don't send you cards. Some people just aren't into cards. My DH wouldn't care if no one sent him a card ever again

BusyMum47 · 19/12/2022 10:00

@bahhumbugged I wouldn't feel bad at all about stopping the Xmas gifts! They all sound incredibly selfish & ungrateful!! So you buy for them AND their children but you, and more importantly, your children, have NEVER had anything in return? Sod that! How rude of them!!

I'd just stop completely - do it this year while you're feeling strong about it - no half measures & don't feel in the least bit guilty! If they say anything, just be politely honest - just say that it's all gotten far too expensive & you're fed up with it all being one-way & it's not fair on YOUR children. End of. Let them have a tantrum about it if they like. Spend the money on your own kids instead. 👍💗

VestaTilley · 19/12/2022 11:27

Stop now. Text the parents so they’re aware, and say it’s down to money being tight due to the cost of living crisis.

Give each family group a tub of chocolates to share. That’s more than enough considering they never buy for your children.

Andsoforth · 19/12/2022 11:31

I wish people would stop buying things for my dc.

Everytime there’s talk of cutting back, people say “oh we’ll just buy for the kids then” and the spendy ones who love gift giving buy the kids more and more crap.

There’s never been a better year to stop Op.

zingally · 19/12/2022 12:48

You're buying your step-niece's step-daughter a present?! Fuck that for a month of sundays. That's not much more than buying a total stranger a gift, surely?!

Time to stop this nonsense. Especially if they are not buying anything for you/your kids.

TheSandgroper · 19/12/2022 13:04

You could always say, should you get asked, that buying for them and their children gets expensive when you also have to buy gifts for your own children in their name as otherwise they notice the lack of reciprocation. Would they feel the shame?

Sugarfree23 · 19/12/2022 16:42

NeedToChangeName · 19/12/2022 09:39

You buy gifts for your nieces / nephews. And your siblings buy gifts for their nieces / nephews (aka your children). So that seems OK

You seem to be upset that your nieces / nephews don't buy for your children (their cousins). Have I got that right? I wouldn't expect them to do that, and it would increase the number of gifts overall. And then you would potentially be buying more gifts, for your children to give to those cousins in return

It's rude that your nieces and nephews don't thank for gifts

Not necessarily rude that they don't send you cards. Some people just aren't into cards. My DH wouldn't care if no one sent him a card ever again

The Op is buying for neices and nephews children, her Great Neices and Nephews. At which point yes I probably would expect adult cousins who are being treated more like Aunts and Uncles to return the gesture.

In a sense Op probably shouldn't have started buying for Great Neices and Nephews I don't actually think many people do. Most families seem to buy Neices / Nephews until they are adults then focus on their own Children / Grandchildren rather than buying for sibling GC too.

NeedToChangeName · 19/12/2022 16:52

The Op is buying for neices and nephews children, her Great Neices and Nephews. At which point yes I probably would expect adult cousins who are being treated more like Aunts and Uncles to return the gesture

@Sugarfree23 Yes, maybe. It does seem unfair for gifts to be one sided

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