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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not cooking a roast in these circumstances?

66 replies

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 18/12/2022 18:32

I've been ill for nearly 2 weeks now - nothing major just a nasty cough and cold with a fever that I just can't shift. I feel bloody lousy. My appetite has disappeared and I've not eaten all day.

DH meanwhile went off and ran a marathon today. He's come back, obviously tired and cold, but is pissed off with me for not cooking the roast. I did prep all the veg but that was about my limit. He's thumping around the kitchen muttering under his breath.

AIBU to just let him crack on with it...given that the marathon was his choice, being ill isn't mine?

OP posts:
greenhousegal · 18/12/2022 19:22

Backstory please.....

KrisAkabusi · 18/12/2022 19:26

It depends. Did you tell him you were going to cook? When you decided not to cook did you send a message to say you were too sick to do dinner and to bring home a take away? I think if there had been a plan and you didn't let him know it had changed, I'd be a bit annoyed too.

dizzygirl1 · 18/12/2022 19:26

I think you're being unreasonable. He's run 26 miles, pretty sure he's not done it as a last minute decision. I know you're not feeling well but I wouldn't make him cook, if you knew you couldn't cook why prep the veg? That's probably why he's muttering.

If it was the other way round the op had run 26miles and dh was ill and hadn't cooked, everyone would be fuming at the op having to cook after running a marathon.

Hbh17 · 18/12/2022 19:29

I am 57 years old, I have been married for 32 years and I have never cooked "a roast" in my life.
Who decided that this 1) is a compulsory thing and 2) has to be done by a woman?
Maybe it's time for a few changes for the OP.....

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/12/2022 19:36

I’m with those saying a roast is not compulsory. You need to stay in bed and he needs to order a takeaway!

frazzledasarock · 18/12/2022 19:39

Go to bed. Hope you feel better soon.

for the longer term, just don’t do anything he expects as his right, unless he put in equal effort.

I’d make preparations to LTB, but I have very low tolerance of putting up with people who mistreat me these days.

AlisonDonut · 18/12/2022 19:40

Last time I was ill on a Sunday, my OH cooked me roast potatoes and a Chinese curry sauce left over from a take out (we freeze all take out left overs for this reason). It was one of the bloody nicest Sunday dinners I've ever had.

I still pine after it. Especially as you can't get Chinese take out here in rural France.

Your DH is a nasty piece of work.

Mummieslncorporated · 18/12/2022 19:40

Hbh17 · 18/12/2022 19:29

I am 57 years old, I have been married for 32 years and I have never cooked "a roast" in my life.
Who decided that this 1) is a compulsory thing and 2) has to be done by a woman?
Maybe it's time for a few changes for the OP.....

A) it's not being cooked by a woman. She did some veg prep
B) there is nothing to suggest that he's insisting on a roast. It sounds to me like he's feeling forced into finishing cooking one because the prep had been started.

Until op comes back, we don't know whether or not having a roast is his decision.

frazzledasarock · 18/12/2022 19:43

dizzygirl1 · 18/12/2022 19:26

I think you're being unreasonable. He's run 26 miles, pretty sure he's not done it as a last minute decision. I know you're not feeling well but I wouldn't make him cook, if you knew you couldn't cook why prep the veg? That's probably why he's muttering.

If it was the other way round the op had run 26miles and dh was ill and hadn't cooked, everyone would be fuming at the op having to cook after running a marathon.

That wouldn’t ever happen. Because no woman would return from a run she’d chosen to do and expect to come home to a cooked meal and immaculate home and perfectly cared for children by her male partner, even if he was completely in the peak of health.

this expectation is only of women.

most women would have pre-prepped the roast and asked their male partners to turn the oven on at a set time, fed the kids, cleaned the house and felt immense guilt right the way through the marathon and immense gratefulness to their partners for sitting around in their absence.

Boooooot · 18/12/2022 19:43

Also don’t understand why you started but didn’t finish it. Could you not have just done something quick. I’d be pissed off if I was your husband too.

frazzledasarock · 18/12/2022 19:44

He can put the prepped veg in the oven and order a take out and eat everything together then. Instead of huffing over the lack of a roast.

Boooooot · 18/12/2022 19:44

That wouldn’t ever happen. Because no woman would return from a run she’d chosen to do and expect to come home to a cooked meal and immaculate home and perfectly cared for children by her male partner, even if he was completely in the peak of health

what?

KatherineJaneway · 18/12/2022 19:47

Totally unacceptable for him to expect a roast if you are ill.

Is he always like this?

soupmaker · 18/12/2022 19:47

Why the actual fuck did you not both agree on take away tonight? No one is ever required to cook a roast when unwell.

Iflyaway · 18/12/2022 19:47

I did prep all the veg but that was about my limit. He's thumping around the kitchen muttering under his breath.

Welcome to your future. You have the choice.

This man will always selfishly put his needs above his wife who is ill.

I'd be out of there as soon as I am better, at least getting my ducks in a row

Sickofcoughing · 18/12/2022 19:52

He didn't go for a run, he ran a marathon. Unless he's an ultra runner who runs them regularly this is a crazy big deal.

I don't think he's BU to expect some sort of fuss. You should have ordered a takeaway if you weren't up to cooking.

FinallyHere · 18/12/2022 19:53

jay55 · 18/12/2022 18:32

Yup, go to bed and leave him to it.

This.

Why isn't he looking after you when you are not feeling well.

Bronnau · 18/12/2022 19:58

KrisAkabusi · 18/12/2022 19:26

It depends. Did you tell him you were going to cook? When you decided not to cook did you send a message to say you were too sick to do dinner and to bring home a take away? I think if there had been a plan and you didn't let him know it had changed, I'd be a bit annoyed too.

This. It sounds like he was expecting dinner because you too had expected to be well enough to cook for him, and then decided not to. Which is fair enough, as long as you let him know before he came home.

CarPoor · 18/12/2022 19:58

Catmum2022 · 18/12/2022 18:34

Couldn’t you have just popped both in the oven and left them for him to sort?

But why? OP is ill. Her husband could have easily organised his running around popping it in the oven if he wanted a roast. She won't even eat it!

Sickofcoughing · 18/12/2022 20:01

His running around?

Do posters have any idea how much planning and training goes into completing a marathon?

CarPoor · 18/12/2022 20:02

Bronnau · 18/12/2022 19:58

This. It sounds like he was expecting dinner because you too had expected to be well enough to cook for him, and then decided not to. Which is fair enough, as long as you let him know before he came home.

Show quote history

But again OP is ill. If I come home to find my partner is too ill too cook dinner I don't stomp around the kitchen even if he's promised a 3 course meal.

He's a grown adult and OP posted at half six. Plenty of time to cook himself food or order a takeaway.

ladygindiva · 18/12/2022 20:02

Sorry did I miss the memo where it was obligatory for people with vaginas to provide a Sunday roast for the household every week? Fuck that.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/12/2022 20:04

Is he usually this much of a nob?

stop being so nice to him..

Mummieslncorporated · 18/12/2022 20:04

If I come home to find my partner is too ill too cook dinner I don't stomp around the kitchen even if he's promised a 3 course meal.

Sure.

But if I came home after running 26 miles to find that my partner had started cooking and I was expected to finish it, I wouldn't be happy.

I would be fine with coming home and ordering a takeaway.

I was always taught to not stay something you can't finish. I don't understand why someone would half cook a meal in these circumstances.

CarPoor · 18/12/2022 20:04

Sickofcoughing · 18/12/2022 20:01

His running around?

Do posters have any idea how much planning and training goes into completing a marathon?

Not his 'running around' His running around cooking, you know like organising your time around something? Do you normally have a problem with comprehension

Its never reasonable to stomp and huff that your wife hasn't done something because you are ill. Even if you've run a marathon. OP should no more be expected to just pop it in than he