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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To donate her presents to the charity shop?

49 replies

Badge113 · 18/12/2022 17:50

I bought some presents for my DP's young daughter and his response to that was a bit shit. I mean I don't expect him to whoop and cheer but a smile and "thank you, thats nice" wouldn't have gone a miss. No acknowledgement at all. If somebody buys something for my kids I'm really touched and thankful, whatever it is, even a Christmas card.

The presents aren't shit by the way. I don't want to go into specifics but think arty, craft-like sets which I knew for certain she liked and used similar before.

A week or so later now and we're talking about Christmas he drops into conversation "oh, DD doesn't like (the activity to do with what I got her) anymore. She says it ruins her clothes"

I wish I could say this was out of character but sadly it isn't. I've had both him and his DC turn their nose up at gifts I'd bought before. I vowed not to get involved in gift buying anymore but softened when I saw these and thought she'd love them.

WIBU to just donate them to charity at this stage and think sod the lot of them?

OP posts:
Justaminutetakeanhour · 18/12/2022 17:56

In those circumstances then I think it might be suitable to donate to a charity shop. However it sounds like the problem is your DP - not his daughter. Does he buy for your DC? Is this a case of he doesn't want to do that, so doesn't want you to buy for his? How long have you been together?

You did a nice thing and it should have been straightforward! How old is she that she cares about her clothes getting ruined anyway?

Bananarama21 · 18/12/2022 17:59

Why are you with this man does he have a golden dick? His distain for you oozes out in this post.

DashboardConfessional · 18/12/2022 18:00

Can you drop him off too?

Original poster
Badge113 · 18/12/2022 18:04

Justaminutetakeanhour · 18/12/2022 17:56

In those circumstances then I think it might be suitable to donate to a charity shop. However it sounds like the problem is your DP - not his daughter. Does he buy for your DC? Is this a case of he doesn't want to do that, so doesn't want you to buy for his? How long have you been together?

You did a nice thing and it should have been straightforward! How old is she that she cares about her clothes getting ruined anyway?

We've been together almost 6 years so by no means a new relationship. The children I have are his (and then he has older DC with his ex)

She's far too young to be worried about messing her clothes up and she isn't that way inclined in the first place, she's quite the tom boy and isn't bothered about getting a bit messy IME.

I think what's happened is he's raised it with her, what I'd bought, to see whether she wants it or not. How else would it come up iyswim?

It isn't an isolated thing his boys have been really ungrateful (and a bit hurtful actually) about things I'd bought them in the past.

Like father like children it seems.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 18/12/2022 18:17

I'd stop buying. And I'd have a long think about the 'partner'

ginslinger · 18/12/2022 18:21

I would tell him that you feel hurt by his reaction and ask him if you should stop buying gifts for his daughter. If this is part of a larger scheme of behaviour then I'd sit him down and discuss his attitude

Cakeymamma88 · 18/12/2022 18:28

I'd take the gifts to the local food bank. They give children gifts and are crying out for arts and crafts supplies. It seems as though you ungrateful partners behaviour has rubbed off on his kids which is really unfortunate. Especially when you've put your precious time? Money and thought into buying her these things.

Octo5 · 18/12/2022 18:42

Give her the presents and if she doesn’t like them then she can donate them.

Why is he not buying the presents and saying they’re from both of you?

Liz1tummypain · 18/12/2022 18:45

I don't know how you tolerate him. Get yourself a kinder man for Christmas. Good luck.

PurpleFlower1983 · 18/12/2022 18:48

Stop buying and dump the ‘D’P.

MavisCruet2023 · 18/12/2022 18:49

DashboardConfessional · 18/12/2022 18:00

Can you drop him off too?

Xmas Grin
Unforgettablefire · 18/12/2022 18:51

I'd give it to something like the Salvation Army, they're always crying out for stuff to give to kids that have nothing. At least they'd appreciate it.

ChimChimeny · 18/12/2022 18:54

Loads.of.shops (I can think of Lidl & B&M off the top.of my head) are collecting toys for various charities which is also an option.

He sounds awful though, how about a new year's resolution to bin him off?!

CraneBoysMysteries · 18/12/2022 18:57

DashboardConfessional · 18/12/2022 18:00

Can you drop him off too?

The first time MN has actually made me spat my drink out laughing.

Yes to this

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/12/2022 19:00

Just stop trying to please them, let him sort out his children and get whatever gift he sees fit.

I will say though, craft kits are one of those gifts children just don't get excited about, in my experience (of giving worthy craft kits that I think they should love Grin).

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2022 19:03

Badge113 · 18/12/2022 18:04

We've been together almost 6 years so by no means a new relationship. The children I have are his (and then he has older DC with his ex)

She's far too young to be worried about messing her clothes up and she isn't that way inclined in the first place, she's quite the tom boy and isn't bothered about getting a bit messy IME.

I think what's happened is he's raised it with her, what I'd bought, to see whether she wants it or not. How else would it come up iyswim?

It isn't an isolated thing his boys have been really ungrateful (and a bit hurtful actually) about things I'd bought them in the past.

Like father like children it seems.

Show quote history

If you're in a relationship, why are you buying them separate presents from you? Yes he's being an ungrateful shit, but it's odd they'd get Xmas presents from Mom, Xmas presents from Dad and then another set from you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2022 19:08

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2022 19:03

If you're in a relationship, why are you buying them separate presents from you? Yes he's being an ungrateful shit, but it's odd they'd get Xmas presents from Mom, Xmas presents from Dad and then another set from you.

Show quote history

This is a good point. If you’re serious and living together, shouldn’t presents come room the 2 of you. Idk how old his dd is. But she’s obviously older than 6. At some stage, crafting will be boring. If you think this comes from him, I would still give the gift.

NoelNoNoel · 18/12/2022 19:11

I don’t actually think you needed to buy her a present.

NoelNoNoel · 18/12/2022 19:12

Could it be that what you bought is too young for her? I’m assuming she’s around 9.

TYpi · 18/12/2022 19:15

Don't buy her a present. Ive had similar issues with a friend's kids, and I've stopped giving as of this year

purpledalmation · 18/12/2022 19:20

I wouldn't want anything to do with this man or his children.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 18/12/2022 19:27

I'd donate it to those appeals that collect for children who won't get any gifts for Christmas. I wouldn't want anything to do with this man who seems to be void of social graces and gratitudes. I mean who says that about a gift?

Bigdamnheroes · 18/12/2022 19:29

You sound lovely but honestly I wouldn't have had kids with a man who has raised 3(?) ungrateful brats the first time around.

NoelNoNoel · 18/12/2022 19:30

I wouldn't want anything to do with this man or his children
Bit late now, the OP has children with this man.

Wonnle · 18/12/2022 19:34

My local Lidl has toy donation box set up so that's an option

He sounds like a twat in case you haven't already realised .