To donate her presents to the charity shop?

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I bought some presents for my DP's young daughter and his response to that was a bit shit. I mean I don't expect him to whoop and cheer but a smile and "thank you, thats nice" wouldn't have gone a miss. No acknowledgement at all. If somebody buys something for my kids I'm really touched and thankful, whatever it is, even a Christmas card.

The presents aren't shit by the way. I don't want to go into specifics but think arty, craft-like sets which I knew for certain she liked and used similar before.

A week or so later now and we're talking about Christmas he drops into conversation "oh, DD doesn't like (the activity to do with what I got her) anymore. She says it ruins her clothes"

I wish I could say this was out of character but sadly it isn't. I've had both him and his DC turn their nose up at gifts I'd bought before. I vowed not to get involved in gift buying anymore but softened when I saw these and thought she'd love them.

WIBU to just donate them to charity at this stage and think sod the lot of them?

I’d just say, Oh, that’s a shame, I’ll take them to the charity shop, then.
And I’d buy nothing else.

It's what we do. It's nice for dad to be able to buy a meaningful bit of jewellery and I get them a fun extra

If still time get your money back. If not, yes, donate!

Don't buy again, you've tried, they've sneered, game over.

Personally I would just give the gift. If she wants to react in a bratty way then that is her prerogative but at least you have tried. I was emotionally manipulated to feel a certain way about gifts given to me by my ‘step grandad’ growing up and in hindsight feel awful
now as they were trying so hard. We have a good friendly relationship now, see them about three times a year, even though we are in no way related after a divorce.

Drop your man off at the charity shop called the undateables, and spend your hard earned cash on someone more deserving next year (another words, treat yourself for being a nice and thoughtful person). What is someone as lovely and evidently kind doing with an idiot like him? He will destroy you chipping away at your lovely personality over the years like this.

Just give the present. I would enclose the receipt in an envelope so that she can exchange it if it is really unsuitable. You don't have to respond on his level. Giving it to charity etc is just escalating it. The child has likely not said anything like this and would probably be perfectly happy with the gift.

DSD's presents are a group gift from DP, myself and our DC. I stopped buying DSD a separate present when I moved in with DP.

Give her the present as she seems to know of its existence and will be expecting it. If she doesn't like it she can't regift it to the next birthday party she is invited to.

From next birthday and Christmas just give a present from the whole family.

Give the gifts to charity, get through the holidays and then spend January thinking about why you are with such a person.

How old are your children? Can you work and support them? What's the situation?

Say that you've returned them and that you'll leave the present buying to him from now on. What a dick.

Another vote for taking him to the charity shop instead! Seriously you should reevaluate what this relationship is, it doesn’t sound great for you in any way.

Thank you all, it's good to know I'm not alone in my thinking.

I absolutely hated buying gifts for people until I was in my mid to late 20's because I'd be worried they wouldn't like it or wouldn't want it. It goes as far back as primary school actually, I would be too scared to write Christmas cards to classmates incase they didn't want it and threw it in the bin. Looking back I think it was a fear of rejection, perhaps me responding to some real or perceived rejection that I don't remember.

Anyway, I pushed through it and began to find joy in gift giving. Until about 3 years into being with DP and his DC. It has taken me back to where I was before, long ago, feeling like shit about my gift/card being unwanted.

After a couple of years of his eldest showing total disregard for anything I'd bought them irrespective of care, time and money I spent on it I told DP I'm not doing it anymore and he had no problem with that, totally unbothered.

I left him to buying for his DC and I redirected that energy back toward choosing things for my own DC on special occasions. Unfortunately for DP's DC that then meant less gifts and the ones they got were rushed at the last moment with not much thought going into them.

After a year of that I began to feel a bit guilty and bought a few things on DSC birthdays that DP took the credit for. I didn't mind that as if they didn't know it was from me they wouldn't be rejecting me iykwim?

But now this, after all of that before, and I'm thinking sod them all because they don't deserve the effort I've made over the years.

Does anybody else think it's obvious that DP has told his DD what the xmas gifts were? Why else would she tell him out of the blue she doesn't want that for Christmas? It's not something they did together, not a shared interest etc.

Just realised this is a real essay sorry about about that.

Donate the presents and dump the "man". Dont give either any more thought. You will feel better for it.

I'm not sure where he has put the presents but I'm going to tell him I want them back tomorrow as they're being donated to a food/toy bank and hopefully a child who will want and make use of them.

I have no doubt that I'll quickly become the unreasonable one, to him, but never mind.

OP I think you’re overthinking it all. Get the present back of your DP, don’t give it to your DSD and as previously agreed don’t buy her anything in the future.

Never mind the presents OP, the real question is why are you with him? Thoughtless, rude, uncaring towards his own children. Why are you putting up with this?

I notice you’re dodging the real question OP - why are you with him, if you are clearly unhappy. If you’re in a situation you can’t get out of, there are places you can go for advice. I think the real issue is not about the presents but what are you going to do about the relationship.

I was thinking along the same lines. A child being rude and ungrateful about presents based on who is giving the gift is much more likely a conditioned response to please manipulate adults than anything they've come up with themselves.

There's also only your partners word to go on in this, it hasn't come from the daughter. Whether it's true or not I'd be asking myself why he was telling you knowing that the outcome could only be hurtful to you?

That's a fair observation, and truthfully my answer is because i just don't know what to say. I don't know why I'm with him beyond companionship, wanting my DC to live with both parents, financial constraints etc.

Give them to her. Who knows what his motives are for putting you off, does he get bad vibes off ex or something if you give presents ? The child might actually like them.

I've been thinking about that and wondering the same.

It's possible "DD said she doesn't like that anymore" came from her mum and not her personally, as they do chat at handovers.

At the point of him relaying that to me I assumed it had come from his DD but didn't ask him to confirm it.

Its probably more likely that he told his ex and she then informed him she doesn't like / want it anymore.

🙄

I'd get rid. Of both him and the presents.
Maybe next year spend your money buying something for children who would be thrilled to have one present to open on Christmas Day.
He's not going to change, OP. You deserve much better.

It turns out that it didn't come from his DD but his ex. I asked. They were talking about gift ideas and he mentioned these things and her DM said she doesn't like it anymore. I don't think he told her I'd already bought it, more a case of seeing what she thought of it as a gift idea.

Yep this