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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She wants to see me but won't....

43 replies

Winterblueone · 18/12/2022 16:31

We dated for a while and then things slipped into a FWB situation. Around 6 months in it was her birthday and I didn't acknowledge this. She was upset and has hinted about wanting more from me. We haven't seen eachother since. However she messages me telling me she misses me. We have spoken briefly but refuses to see me/makes up excuses???

OP posts:
Stressedmum2017 · 18/12/2022 16:36

Well if 6 months in you didn't acknowledge her birthday she probably knows realistically it's not worth pursuing anything with you. The times when she texts you are just moments of loneliness and/or weakness. Leave her alone and let this be a lesson to you for future relationships.

dolor · 18/12/2022 16:37

Well what do you want from her? Why should she give you the time of day when it clearly looks like you aren't interested aside from a quick shuffle?

ThreeblackCats · 18/12/2022 16:41

You pays ya money and ya takes ya choice.
you chose to treat her as a FWB then you get upset because she’s quit putting out. Move on, she is over you, you were never into her.

Original poster
Winterblueone · 18/12/2022 17:50

I don't think she is over me. She wouldn't be contacting me if she was?

OP posts:
jugglerofballs · 18/12/2022 17:51

If she wanted to see you, she would see you.

Grimchmas · 18/12/2022 17:54

By slipped into a FWB situation is it possible that you mean you stopped bothering going on dates, got comfortable and took her for granted?

LuluBlakey1 · 18/12/2022 17:59

What are you asking us?

ThirtyThreeTrees · 18/12/2022 18:09

She probably does miss you but doesn't want to be with someone who only see her as a FWB.

If you hve any decency, you will leave her alone unless you want more than FWB.

Original poster
Winterblueone · 18/12/2022 18:44

I suppose I'm asking how I should go about getting her back?

OP posts:
Facecream · 18/12/2022 19:02

Don’t @Winterblueone . There’s no need to hurt her more than you did

Mrssalvatore123 · 18/12/2022 19:03

Getting her back as what? A FWB?

CoorieIn · 18/12/2022 19:32

Don't know why you're getting such a hard time here tbh.

If you want a relationship with her, be upfront tell her that and respect her decision if she doesn't want to see you.

If you're just looking for FWB to continue I don't think it sounds like that's something she wants to repeat tbh.

OrigamiOwls · 18/12/2022 19:35

What do you want her back as? A FWB, or something else?

Tandora · 18/12/2022 19:38

Why didn’t you acknowledge her birthday????

TabithaTittlemouse · 18/12/2022 19:41

What do you want? A relationship?

Original poster
Winterblueone · 18/12/2022 20:24

She messages me for chit chat but no longer asks to me. Tells me she misses me but then won't see me when I ask her???

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterblueone · 18/12/2022 20:25

But no longer asks to see me

OP posts:
BattleofBeamfleot · 18/12/2022 21:47

She misses who she thought you were, or who you were when you were dating, but she knows better now.

It sounds like she got a bit of a shock to realise that "friends with benefits" was just the benefits, not the friendship, because an actual friend would wish her a happy birthday. And now she's seeing your situationship the way she understands that you see it, and stepping back completely.

I'm sure she does genuinely miss you. But we can miss people we know are bad for us even while we stay away for our own good.

dolor · 19/12/2022 07:37

She's not going to want to see you if you won't give her a relationship, are you dense?

Etinoxaurus · 19/12/2022 07:42

If you want a relationship send her some flowers with a card saying let’s try again properly.
If you want a fwb arrangement Hmm leave her alone and get your itch scratched somewhere else.

LuluBlakey1 · 19/12/2022 09:03

What kind of relationship do you want? Describe what it would look like.

NeedToChangeName · 19/12/2022 09:18

This is why FWB rarely works, IMHO

Usually, one person just wants fun / no responsibility. The other wants more. And someone gets hurt

Original poster
Winterblueone · 20/12/2022 18:26

She has invited me to her place tomorrow. Very confusing. Advice needed, ladies and gents. Should I have a talk with her or should I wait until she brings it up? We will probably have sex as we have a lot of sexual chemistry/tension between us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterblueone · 21/12/2022 18:03

Bump! Please help, I will be leaving shortly.

OP posts:
HidingFromDD · 21/12/2022 18:06

Do you want. Relationship or not? Respect her enough to have the discussion first