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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She wants to see me but won't....

43 replies

Winterblueone · 18/12/2022 16:31

We dated for a while and then things slipped into a FWB situation. Around 6 months in it was her birthday and I didn't acknowledge this. She was upset and has hinted about wanting more from me. We haven't seen eachother since. However she messages me telling me she misses me. We have spoken briefly but refuses to see me/makes up excuses???

OP posts:
fancyacuppatea · 21/12/2022 18:07

Winterblueone · 21/12/2022 18:03

Bump! Please help, I will be leaving shortly.

Why?
Why are you bothering with someone who only wants a shag?
Leave her to it.
Block and move on with your life.

OnlyFannys · 21/12/2022 18:10

So you want a relationship with her or not?

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 21/12/2022 18:13

You will 'probably' have sex??? Aren't you a catch 😳😳😳

TerrysGotPeeves · 21/12/2022 18:17

fancyacuppatea · 21/12/2022 18:07

Why?
Why are you bothering with someone who only wants a shag?
Leave her to it.
Block and move on with your life.

Show quote history

What? OP clearly states 'She was upset and has hinted about wanting more from me.' So where on earth are you getting 'she only wants a shag' from?

I agree OP should leave her to it though. Her life will be much better without the OP in it.

Undecidedandtorn · 21/12/2022 18:19

Decide what you want and then tell her - so "I want to date you/have a fwb/be exclusive with you" (delete as applicable) and ask her if that what she wants.

fancyacuppatea · 21/12/2022 18:33

TerrysGotPeeves · 21/12/2022 18:17

What? OP clearly states 'She was upset and has hinted about wanting more from me.' So where on earth are you getting 'she only wants a shag' from?

I agree OP should leave her to it though. Her life will be much better without the OP in it.

Show quote history

Pretty difficult for OP to have a meaningful relationship with someone who won't see him? Hardly the sign she actually does "want more".

Hence block and move on.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/12/2022 18:34

We will probably have sex as we have a lot of sexual chemistry/tension between us

Does she get a say in this or have you already decided?

MyLifeInAMovie · 21/12/2022 18:37

🤮

MelchiorsMistress · 21/12/2022 18:43

She wants you to keep making effort to see her even though she says no so that she knows you’re serious about her. She wants to know that you’d put up a fight to have her.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 21/12/2022 22:58

How did it go?

Original poster
Winterblueone · 22/12/2022 19:21

Hi, to update - we had a lovely evening and had sex (I thought as much). She did not mention the status between us nor did I encourage it.

I'm at a loss. Should I have spoken to her about it? Should she have been the one to speak about it since it is her who feels that way?

I'm not sure where this is heading tbh.

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 22/12/2022 19:42

I'm at a loss. Should I have spoken to her about it?

Yes.

Should she have been the one to speak about it since it is her who feels that way?

No. You don’t know how she is feeling.

I'm not sure where this is heading tbh.

Probably nowhere since it seems you’re both horrendous at communicating.

It just seems like a very casual friends with benefits situation.

If you want more than that, than tell her. You need to be honest. You’re only going to hurt yourself by keeping quiet and trying to wonder what’s on her mind.

How old are you both?

Original poster
Winterblueone · 22/12/2022 23:14

If you want more than that, than tell her. You need to be honest. You’re only going to hurt yourself by keeping quiet

I think it's her that wants more. As I said in my post, we dated for a while and now it seems to be just sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterblueone · 23/12/2022 14:21

If you want more than that, than tell her. You need to be honest. You’re only going to hurt yourself by keeping quiet and trying to wonder what’s on her mind

I'm happy how it is.

How old are you both
Does our age matter?

We have been speaking today - casual chit chat.

OP posts:
Shelaydownunderthetable · 23/12/2022 14:28

My money is on her wanting more from you than a FWB situation, but knowing in her heart of hearts that you aren’t going to give her that. However she likes the sex and has gotten back in touch, probably against her better judgement, because you make her feel good for a while. Until you don’t. I’ve been her many times, right down to the missing my birthday. The kindest thing you can do is stop having sex with her and use your words to communicate where you’re at. When you meet someone and end up in an actual relationship with them, and she sees you remembering their birthdays, committing, and just generally being an actual caring person towards them, she’ll be left wondering what was so wrong with her that you couldn’t give her that instead.

pinkyredrose · 23/12/2022 14:41

Winterblueone · 18/12/2022 18:44

I suppose I'm asking how I should go about getting her back?

Do the decent thing and leave her alone.

pinkyredrose · 23/12/2022 14:42

Winterblueone · 23/12/2022 14:21

If you want more than that, than tell her. You need to be honest. You’re only going to hurt yourself by keeping quiet and trying to wonder what’s on her mind

I'm happy how it is.

How old are you both
Does our age matter?

We have been speaking today - casual chit chat.

You mean you don't want to be with her but you'll happily shag her.

FlissyPaps · 23/12/2022 14:43

I'm happy how it is.

If you’re both happy then keep the arrangement how it is. I’m not quite sure what the point of this thread is?

If you do believe she wants more and you do not, then do the decent thing and end things. Don’t hurt the girl and keep her guessing.

Does our age matter?

Yes. Because this whole things sounds awfully overly complicated and immature.

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