Terrified to use the NHS again

[Seasonofthewitch83]

I have never suffered health anxiety before but its developing at a rapid pace and I wonder if anyone has any practical tips?

It started by giving birth during the first lockdown, being dumped alone on a postnatal ward post c section, sweating and in pain clutching a baby. Was not able to reach the alarm, my phone, water.....I didnt want to shout so I sat there silently weeping until a HCA eventually walked past. I think I was in shock.

This was then compounded to the lack of ambulances when the hospitals were becoming overrun and i was terrified of DD getting sick and not being able to quickly get to hospital. I have about 5 taxi apps on my phone now.

I was hospitalised last weekend and I do not feel like I am exaggerating when I saw I think I have developed some trauma. I was in intense pain and I felt utterly helpless. Every time I asked for pain relief or for help, I was fobbed off. I hate, hate, HATE the fact I am completely reliant on a staff member (who is overworked and underpaid) taking care of me. Turns out I was not triaged correctly and put to the bottom of the pile with a gallbladder blockage and infection and ended up being admitted for 3 days.

I am petrified of getting ill again. Of DD getting sick. i need to get over it as i now have surgery booked next month.

How do I solve this?

I feel the same, after some episodes of small bowel obstruction which were in some cases not treated very well (rushed into surgery in the middle of the night, limited pain relief before etc)

I'm struggling at the moment as well, because if it happens again it just means I have to go in to A&E no matter what, and it is hard to trust them again.

Oh bless you. It does sound like your experience of poor healthcare has had an adverse effect on your mental state, possibly kicking off a (completely understandable) trauma response.

The good news is that PTSD/trauma is eminently treatable. People can and do recover from it and there is a good chance that you will.

If you can afford private therapy I would seek that out. If cost is an issue look into local services that operate on a pay as you feel/subsidised basis. For example Mind can provide low cost counselling.

It shouldn't take too long for the treatment to be successful.

If it helps at all I think it would be very unusual to have your experience - being in great pain while caring for a newborn and receiving sub par care - and to emerge from it entirely mentally unscathed. It sounds awful. But good therapy can help you process your memories and put them into the right place so they don't intrude on your life now.

'The good news is that PTSD/trauma is eminently treatable. People can and do recover from it and there is a good chance that you will.'

Well......

You seem to be suggesting that the wider systemic issues are somewhat non existant and OP's experience is singular, invalidating some of the very normal anxiety response to the lack of certainty re. reliable health treatment access.

I would also be very cautious diagnosing someone via forum and adding things like 'PTSD is easily managed with a few sessions of counselling'. Is it?

But that experience is not across the board, I've had great NHS care

I have had (very) mixed experiences both in the NHS and private systems.

Planned surgery is completely different to emergency care, and it is very well organised and you will be absolutely fine almost certainly. If you can, try and chalk it up to one bad winter experience. I am not surprised you are worried though, as being left without pain relief is bad! It is the one thing that should be prioritised in A&E.

Can you possibly afford to have your surgery done privately - some are being done on the NHS now. If you can't, then a conversation with your surgeon about your last experience might help, and they will be extra reassuring towards you.

I am sorry you have suffered. It is the level of vulnerability and helplessness it creates that is very scary in my experience. You are relying on the medics, and if the basics are neglected, trust evaporates.

I have lost a lot of confidence in the NHS too, after my last two emergency visits.I was left in a blood stained room with the same condition as you, and 'forgotten' - it is not fun. If you are really struggling with the idea of going back, try and get some counselling, so you can adequately process your last experience before your next operation. Good luck op.

No real advice but some empathy. I feel exactly the same. I have chronic health issues and a rare endocrine disorder and almost every hospital admission I’ve ever had has been traumatic due to lack of knowledge, lack of care and staff that are over worked and under staffed. I have made many formal and serious complaints and now have severe ptsd as a result. People who generally have good health or who are fortunate not to have had difficulties in the NHS are very fortunate indeed.

Can you afford to go private? The NHS needs money to be efficient and the staff are so overworked and tired they can’t give the care people need. I think if you can afford private health care then it may relive some of your anxiety knowing it’s their for you, AXA is great it gives you GP appointments and referrals through its system.

I'm so sorry OP - I fully understand. I have PTSD after being admitted to hospital and being treated awful. I won't go into details unless you'd like because it may be triggering. Try some (private) therapy, get some private healthcare. YANBU.

If it helps, I subsequently had an awful pregnancy (hyperemesis and HELLP) at a different hospital and received exceptional care. Find a better hospital and that will be a huge help to you and to easing your worries.

YANBU OP, huge empathy for you 💐.

Thanks so much everyone. Its the feeling of utter powerlessness isnt it? The reliance on strangers to care for you when you need it most. I have had such a mixed bag with the NHS - for every nurse who made me a cup of tea out of the blue, theres been at worst a total failure of care.

I am considering private healthcare through my employer. I know I am playing straight into the Tories hands, but I guess if I can, I take my personal load from the NHS when others cannot afford to do so.

If you have the option to go private then do that. Strange that you've not considered it til now given your feats.

Because it will be a huge financial strain. And I haven't had to use it between Summer 2020 and last week.....so not really strange.

I totally sympathise with you OP after numerous frightening experiences. I know it’s not the “done” thing to say but I do not trust the NHS at all, and I’d have to be really, really poorly to even approach them again (though I know you’d HAVE to be at deaths door to be seen). I don’t know what the solution is but I do think we do need to talk about this - it seems to be a widespread issue that is brushed under the carpet while we talk about how wonderful the NHS staff are.

I have already been forced to go private for dental, its sad that I am now faced with this for healthcare.

It just feels so broken. I saw a post on here from a nurse last week about how a patient nearly died because her ratio was 1/8 and no one was listening to her asking for further help.

A chap turned up at A and E because his thumb hurt from using a screwdriver. And he was duly added to the 11 hour and counting wait list, rather than redirected to minor injuries or a GP. I am sure half the time the tactic is to weed people out not sick enough to sit and wait, without moving to use a toilet in case you miss your name being called. Only the sickest survive the wait, ironically.

OP I really sympathise with you as I am the same! My absolute worst fear is needing emergency care in this climate when I know everything is absolutely stretched and all the staff are overworked and underpaid, with morale at it’s absolute lowest (I have a family member who works at my local hospital). I have lots of great experiences of the NHS over my lifetime as I have unfortunately had to have a few operations, but I have noticed a huge decline in care over the past few years (before Covid) and it makes it scary for the patients. One of my operations before Covid was a shambles, I should have stayed overnight on pain relief but they didn’t have a bed for me so I was discharged at 10.30pm at night (the actual discharge took over 2 hours, it was ridiculous, by that point I just wanted to get home). My last one was in the summer just gone, this time I was a day case and getting my dedicated nurse’s attention was a nightmare. I was desperate for a wee when I came round and by the time they let me go to the toilet, I was in absolute agony and I had trouble going! I find it scary that you can have quite serious surgery, be on morphine etc. but basically abandoned in a cubicle until you’re discharged. I’ve got to have my wisdom teeth removed under GA later this month but am going private for that as quite frankly, I’m too scared to have it done under the NHS 😬

Its terrible isn't it! I cried to the receptionist that if someone had to come out and shoot oramorph into my mouth while I was rolled over a chair in A and E, then I probably needed to see a Doctor!

I am hoping as PP have said that planned surgery is more organised and better planned, although its been cancelled twice due to lack of staff.

Even if you went private you are still 'relying on staff to help you'

So go private and then tell the staff that you want to do everything yourself.

And remember the NHS is there to pick up the pieces when the private system botches things - have seen it too many times.
And for the op - AXA won't cover you for your planned operation as it is pre existing.

I think you missed the point, massively.

'And remember the NHS is there to pick up the pieces when the private system botches things - have seen it too many times'

Confirmation bias.
How many times private sector sorted things out for people that NHS would not see as 'not complex enough'? I've seen it too many times too. It's sad, especially if you speak to the NHS staff who had to go private.

You’re not unreasonable at all. I developed PTSD after extremely poor treatment (I would say abusive by some staff) when I gave birth to my son.

Have you contacted the Birth Trauma Association? They have a Facebook page and are really helpful.

I have private healthcare now which I use wherever possible.

the NHS are generally shit. I have a trauma informed care ptsd bracelet and note on my phone I can just hand over if I need to access the NHS detailing everything inc the thankfully now very small number of specific triggers

On the treatment side, see if you can access some EMDR therapy. I would also recommend embodiment/body awareness therapies look into Wim Hof, yoga (esp yin yoga). Breathing techniques that will manage anxiety (if you don’t have normal blood pressure you might not be able to do these). I would also recommend the book”The body keeps the score” by Bessel van der kolk - generally seen as one of the best resources.

Not fair to compare to private but the difference when I had an OP, and treatment there, there was remarkable. Pain relief kept on top of and medication all piled up with instructions on my checking out.

I don't think you even need to have ptsd to be wary of needing a stay in an nhs hospital. It's too much of a mixed bag.

I don't think I could currently afford, on top of my other living expenses, to go private for major treatment at the moment. I had to go to a private GP , etc, relatively recently as I couldn't get an appointment for ages and the waiting list for referral was something ridiculous over 12 months. That was 'only' dermatology related thankfully.

Ever had, or see, a near miss or bump in the car? Did it stop you ever driving again? No, because you have taxi apps. You know for certain, most journeys are perfectly safe and uneventful and get you to where you need to be.

All of life is like that. There are some bumps and scares, and lots of fun and good experiences.

The NHS is like that. You and DC WILL need NHS care and your past experience does not predict the future. You had successful pregnancy care and produced a perfect baby. Your gallbladder op will improve your life.

Every strong healthy child survives lots of minor accidents, cuts, infections.

You did.

In the main they’re great. E.g. I recently needed a CT scan and got in 3 weeks. DH had an x-ray in 3 weeks. However, I’ve just had to report our local pharmacist to their general council after a serious incident involving my medication. I’d better not say what it is as the informal phone call I had with them said that there will likely be a hearing. Other than that, all good.

This seems to be the general theme in the service you recieve as 'Ok, ok, good, ok..CATASTROPHIC FAILURE'.

When its working, its ok/good. When its bad, its terrible, and A and E seems to be the area where this happens most for a myriad of reasons e.g lack of GP appointments.