Seriously, f*ck Christmas!

[Eurydice84]

• I am working until Xmas eve. My entire family is staying over, but my Mum/Dad/bro refused to babysit when I will working because "they're too tired"
• DH and I are doing all the cooking. Every. Single. Year.
• No one drives so I will be the official chaffeur for the holidays
• I have been wrapping up presents for two weekends in a row
• I spent an entire day making a gingerbread house yesterday and it has v predictably collapsed on itself
• Pre-school party tomorrow, of course in the middle of the working day
• Just got soaked to the bone delivering Xmas cards around the village

Hitting the Bailey's hard today. How is this the most wonderful time of the year?

Then you're not in a similar situation.

I won't bore you with my situation, but reading that just makes me realise how different situations effect people in different ways.

All about perspective isn’t it - I’m single with two demanding young kids and no family ties. I’d love to be in that position which sounds to me like domestic bliss I’m suffocated by on socials and makes me feel low. I get you feel it’s a lot but try to see some space for gratitude too for all you have

^^This. Not enough time for selfish people in this world. Even if they are 'family'. YANBU.

Then put your foot down.

Delegate the visitors some jobs to do, don't wait for them to offer. If they don't do the job - eg peeling sprouts - then don't step in, go without. If someone absolutely has to have something as part of Xmas Dinner that you are not bothered about, then ask them to bring it - and I mean the finished thing (just needing reheating).

Tell them that if they’re too tired too babysit, you’re going to be too tired to cook for them, or drive them about. Fair dos.

It’s not about perspective though is it. The op is clearly unhappy with her situation and why the fuck should she have to put up with selfish relatives and run herself ragged all day just so she create the perfect Christmas!it’s her day as well!

im on my own with 4 dc, dh died last year, my mum and my aunt both are extremely poorly with cancer, I have no other family bar a brother abroad and although this could be my last Xmas with mum and aunt I’m still having a really quiet Xmas. My mum and my stepdad feel the same and are spending Xmas day by themselves.

I’ve had xmases days before that’s been similar to the op and I’ve hated every minute of it. Great if
you enjoy it but many don’t. You do you

I am normally on the "no one OWES you free childcare" camp but this is bullshit. If they won't help when you are working AND hosting, point them toward the nearest Travelodge. Seriously. I don't care if they are coming around the globe. Family Christmas is a cooperative event.

@blackheartsgirl I’m sorry for your loss. The point I was trying to make is that OP is able to control the circumstances she is unhappy about, she just needs to stop pussyfooting around. Others can’t control circumstances giving rise to an unhappy Christmas. Again - condolences to you, sounds a very difficult time.

Please be your username. There was no need for your nasty post. The OP is feeling bad enough without you emotionally chastising her.

OP - let this be your last Christmas doing it this way. Next year either go to your parents house and let them host dinner etc or just have you, dh and your children. No more running yourself ragged.

Exactly why I fucked the whole thing off too. DH puts up a tree. He does neighbours cards. Everyone else gets a virtual Xmas card and amazon vouchers. We both buy food and cook it. No one visits. The kids presents are the only thing I do and they write me a list an (within reason) i buy what they want.

Fgs op, trying to be lighthearted on mumsnet about Christmas? Tis forbidden.

Nah OP wasn’t being lighthearted

she was pissed off and martyrish

big difference

Christmas will be a happy affair at hers I’m sure!

She made out it was lighthearted in follow up post when clear that majority were… stop being a martyr OP

Martyr 🙄

Why do you do any of this? None of it is compulsory. Just don't do it! Life is too short to be so stressed over one day of the year.

Peer pressure. We have to #makememories and everything we do must look wholesome and intricate yet effortless.

One year we won a massive gingerbread house in a raffle. My DC were 9 and 6 and couldn’t wait to eat it. We waited u til Boxing Day as it was a beautiful decoration. They hated it! Never asked for one after that.😂

Why be the martyr?
Post your cards.
Tell people to order a taxi.
Tell them to bring a dish.
Pay someone to mind the kids.
Forget the gingerbread (unless this was a kids activity, then you can just laugh it off and call it deconstructed).
Or, just don't host!

I find Xmas quite stressful and do a lot of hosting but I also, don't write cards, don't make gingerbread houses, tell everyone to bring their own booze and tell everyone to make their own way to my house even if they don't have a car.

God this is a joyless crowd

OP was just having a quite justifiable moan.

If we all followed the advice given on this thread to the letter of the law, there would be no Christmas. There would be no family visits.

Is that actually what we all want, just to avoid ever putting ourselves out for others?

☹️

Far too much pressure to buy into the perfect Christmas having the whole family round. For me and DH our adult children have other plans this year and we don’t have parents to please. I feel lucky. I have done the whole school party and village thing and am so glad to be done with it. Don’t understand why so many people drive up and down the country at the coldest, worst time of year to travel. Christmas with just the two of us is bliss - make a change for next year so you can have the Christmas you want.

Love reading these as it makes it fe like everyone goes through the same pain. Rather than the pics on social media to show it being perfection.

Heres my expectation:

1. daughter or 1 family member to be ill, 9 years and counting someone isn’t well.
2. arrive at parents to be asked to fetch something in the car, this can be food (because shops are obviously open) or grandparent (because they promised them I would without asking me).
3. get told to stay out of kitchen.
4. 1 sibling will not be dressed
5. other sibling will start inspecting food and kitchen hygiene like a restaurant inspector.
6. Asked to move furniture, as planning ahead was not possible
7. subtle hints for help in kitchen get made, but when asked “do you need help?” Get told no(until you just have to help) 8)After helping ensure all elements are ready and cooked get told to get back out kitchen.
8. Asked to ensure everyone is sat down and has drink(involving going into kitchen, where additional task of delivery food is mentioned).
9. deliver food and drinks then begin to eat… only to be asked if it’s good by the “chef” who now wants sole praise for whateveryones eating.
10. Asked to tidy plates, which I do anyway.
11. references made to washing up…. Despite others not helping and dishwasher free(plus they never do this at my house).
12. go for another drink and get asked, in front of all if im ok to drop grandparent back, as there is no other way.

end up wanting to scream but just nodding and smiling until I get home and let other half hear my frustration

Try brandy in the Baileys.Game changer.

A couple of years ago we were all upset because we couldn’t have our usual Christmas due to covid and lockdowns, yet no one seems to be particularly grateful that things are back to normal. All I keep hearing off everyone is how stressed they are, how much hassle it is, how they don’t want to see people etc. Even the school’s Carol service was finished with a poem about what a miserable hassle the whole Christmas season is.
Yes, it’s one day and can be a lot of hard work, but it really feels like Christmas spirit is dying this year. Nothing has to be that stressful - it can be as simple or elaborate as you like!
I don’t have a lot of friends or family although I wish we did. I’d love to have lots of family gatherings with grandparents who care and parties with friends so I feel like some of you should be a bit more grateful.