How do you not get fired as a parent

[Blueysdadisamazing]

Worked full time all my life, had Dd later on, was able to stay at home with her during her younger years.
She started Pre school in September and has been sick practically every week (as have many others)
There have also been some teacher strikes.
I started a new job in September and have had to take so much time off, it really doesn’t look good. We don’t have family nearby and I wouldn’t want my parents to catch things anyway as they’re in their 70’s
How do you all fit working around being a parent, I feel like my workplace will let me go if this carries on.

I just communicate when it is feasible for me to be online and catch up in the evening when kids are in bed. My senior once said he works in 2 to 3 hour loops with time for his kids / personal stuff after every loop

@HS1990 But what about jobs without that flexibility, where you have to physically be there?

I’m lucky that when my kids were small I had my mum around to help, and MIL if in the country. I also roped in my sister who did shifts. I could mostly do my job from home, although DH can’t.

I guess it helps that I’ve been in the same company (via acquisitions) since 1995 so they knew what I was like and knew it would be temporary.

the early nursery times are tough.

And now my sister is calling it in. She has 3 year old twins. Last year she broke he4 foot so I went to stay for 2 weeks to help.

Me and DH share all time off for DC, or wouldn’t be fair on my work if it were just me. It does get better too, DC has been unwell a lot less this year than her first year at nursery.

I did lose my job because of childcare demands few years ago. It is much better now that working from home is a thing but sorry if that doesn’t help op.

That's why I had a nanny for many years. Realise that's not an affordable option for many but I would definitely have lost my job otherwise.

Where's the father - can't he share the burden?

Something that makes a difference to how sympathetic we are, is when there's a Dad on the scene, does he take his share of time off for child emergencies? It pisses me right off if we are the only employer expected to take the hit. And I don't care what Dad's job is or how important he is, to us as an employer that's not relevant and even insulting.

So if Dad's on the scene, it needs to be his responsibility too.

Are you single, divorced, widowed etc? That makes it incredibly tough.

Life in the UK at least assumes 1 parent not covering it all.

And/or incredibly understanding employers with a role that is flexible.. you cannot do it in a role which literally need you to serve Customers, clients at set inflexible times of your work hours/days.

Women drop out of the workforce all the time due to unsustainable, inflexible work in this country - a waste of huge levels of talent and desire to contribute, but our work world assumes a male standard, able bodied, no elderly or caring responsibility, with a partner who manages the home. Anyone, male or female, who deviates from that expected set-up is usually punished for it daily. No matter how hard they work.

It's not always as simple as that. My exH swore blind he was going to be a hands-on parent etc until my DD arrived and he just wasn't. I have worked FT since I kicked him out when she was four. Men who aren't going to be supportive don't come with a tattoo on their forehead saying "avoid".

I really hate the sanctimoniousness displayed on here towards women who haven't won the man lottery and the idea you can bulletproof yourself against feckless, unscrupulous or lazy men.

Sometimes we do everything in our power to make sure we have a supportive spouse and they just don't deliver. A period of respectful silence on the part of those of you who did strike gold with this would be appreciated.

OP to answer your question it depends in large part on how supportive your employer is. Many women are in your situation and a tolerant and progressive employer will make allowances for this.

That’s a bit smug. You have no idea what OP’s situation is.

She could be a single parent, DP could be in the forces, or a heart surgeon, or they could just be the main breadwinner and her job is therefore secondary.

Or she might have thought she picked a great man but he turned out to be abusive.

Think!

Mine went to nursery from 4.5 and 5.5 months as maternity leave wasn't as generous then. Yes they caught lots of bugs but as I worked P/T, I was able to juggle a bit with DH. It meant when they started school properly, they had caught pretty much everything already so had virtually no time off. We had no other help

Does your child’s dad not take half the time off to look after child ?

We shared it between us, we were both part time (80%) when our kids were at school so whoever was on a short day covered the nursemaiding, but we worked around each other's important meetings too. We'd quite often have a bit of time of in lieu in hand that we could use as a buffer.

If it was now, we could both work from home, so we'd be able to be more flexible and swap in and out throughout the day so that we could both show our faces and deal with urgent stuff every day.

Our employer is pretty family friendly though and our work doesn't need to be done at particular times. As a manager, I try to be as accommodating as possible, these years are short and good people tend to stay with us, so I make allowances where I can - but I expect parents to be flexible too and share with the other parent.

It's really hard as a lone parent. It's only since the pandemic and being allowed to WFH that I've had less time off.
It was truly miserable when they were little. I swear it's given me massive anxiety for life.

@Thepeopleversuswork @Tadpoll Neither of you know my situation either, to be fair. I haven’t won the husband lottery and I’ve seen more than my fair share of abuse.

I do accept that my post was badly worded and I’ve asked for it to be deleted.

Stupid reply.

Sorry I see you've realised

Dh and I would take turns.

I worked at GOSH for a few years and often wondered how the hell those parents supported their family. alongside the unimaginable distress and pain of having a child with a serious illness, having to worry about money.

Always take it in turns with DH to be off.
DD was sick constantly for a couple of months after starting nursery but very rarely after that so it's been fine.

Are you and the father equally sharing the responsibility of looking after your sick child?

As a single parent with no help from family, this has been the hardest part of being a parent.

Honestly, I don’t know how I haven’t lost my job and I’m just fortunate that my child never had any ongoing illnesses.

I make sure that I go above and beyond where I can.
So when I am pulled in for another meeting about being absent they are much more understanding as it’s not like I am taking the mick.
Fortunately, most people I work with are parents themselves.

When my DC were younger and catching all sorts, I would go to bed as soon as they went to bed.
Sleep helps me to get better sooner, so I was able to not be off for my own illnesses.