To not want mil boyfriend for Xmas dinner

[xmasreindeer]

It's our babies first Xmas. We invited mil and sil for Xmas dinner.
Mil has been seeing someone for three months, we briefly met him in passing a month or so back.
She had invited him for dinner, in a text said she is bringing him.
I am livid. We don't know this guy and mil jumps from relationship to relationship so would really prefer to get to know him first.

I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but this just ruins Xmas for me.
His family keeps buying my daughter things and we haven't met them either. She has a close bond with her grandad on both sides, so we aren't looking for another grandad figure.
I would feel different if maybe next year and been with him a long enough time.
Aibu to tell her we don't want him coming for dinner this year?

Should have said that dh and sil not happy about it either

Fair enough - but in that case I'd make sure DH is the one to tell her

If he was normal he'd appreciate and understand your hesitation. This would be a no from me too.

It’s everyone’s Christmas though OP, not just yours, first baby’s first Christmas or not. It was my baby’s first Christmas last year, didn’t mean other people shouldn’t enjoy it for themselves too.

Fair enough that she shouldn’t have invited him to your house though.

His family keeps buying my daughter things and we haven't met them either

why is his family buying your daughter presents. That’s very pushy.

You’re lying.

Why on earth would she invite him? Way cheeky. Just remind her the invitation was for her, not him.

Personally I don’t really worry about people wanting to bring a plus one as long as we’ve met already. Otherwise it’s a bit intense for everyone including the poor guy! Mil is entitled to date who she likes without approval/judgement and not to have their partners excluded - but it’s equally ok to ask to meet him in lower key circumstances the first time.

No I'm not.

Some people manage to compartmentalize their work from their family lives otherwise they would go mad.

I think this is a convo for your dh and his sister to have with their mum and for them to make their feelings clear about relationships she might be in, in the future. Agree she shouldn't be inviting anyone without checking if you're hosting but it sounds like she's very quickly attached and is maybe excited about it and hasn't thought. Speak to dh and get him to speak to sil and encourage them to agree a boundary on mils bfs and when they meet/ what they're included in.

I wouldn't hesitate for a second. I would tell your MIL very clearly that her new fuck buddy is not welcome. The cheeky cow.