SIL and niece sharing a bed

[Ilikegreenshoes]

We don't live in the UK, but DH's family do. His sister has mentioned possibly coming for a visit next year with her daughter who will be 4 at the time.

My suggestion was that we would move my 13 year old daughter in with her younger sister so that DSIL and DN can have her room. She has a queen size bed, so I just assumed it would be fine for them to share the bed, but DH thinks I'm being weird and that's a crazy suggestion.

So, AIBU to think it's perfectly normal for a mother and young daughter to share a queen sized bed for a couple of weeks holiday?

I would hate for them to be uncomfortable, so willing to be told IABU so I can think of a different plan.

It’s totally fine

I think its strange that he thinks it's weird. It's a perfect solution when there is already a lack of space for them?

Absolutely fine. My SIL would share a king size double with her two daughters when they come to visit. They do have the option of a third single mattress on the ground in the same room and they are both older than 4 but they end up in the same bed anyway.

I’m from the UK and wouldn’t think twice about sharing a bed with my 4yr old if staying at someone else’s house. If your DH is really uncomfortable about it you can get things like this quite cheaply www.argos.co.uk/product/9611713?clickSR=slp:term:childs%20blow%20up%20bed:2:30:1
(although our then 6 year old ended up in our bed anyway when we last used one!)

I think that's fine. I would expect to sleep with my child tbh. Wouldn't bother me at all

Thanks for your replies.

In the past when we've talked about DSIL possibly coming with her husband and both kids (rather than just her and one child) DH has said that we should give up our bedroom and bathroom for them, which I feel weird about, so maybe we're both just a bit odd. 🤪

Your dh would have plenty to say about me then! I’m still trying to transition my ds from migrating to my bed most nights and he is 8!

never in all my years have I heard to co sleep with a dc be a weird /odd thing to do. Especially so young… In fact over the years I’ve co slept with my children, dsis, friends even my dmother. And most people I know have done a variation of the same.

I wouldn’t want to share with DS, but that is because he is like a starfish in bed, but with extra kicks. So I wouldn’t sleep.

No problem from a privacy/decency perspective though - he’s my son, I see him naked all the time, sharing a duvet is not a concern.

Wouldn’t your DH share with either of his daughters in the same situation?

It's your DH being weird... its fine.

I agree that the only concern would be if the child kicks in her sleep or is a light sleeper who will wake when her mother comes to bed later in the night. But even those are minor inconveniences. What does your husband think is the solution?

I also wouldn't give up my bed for visitors unless they were in a condition that made it impossible for them to sleep comfortably in a guest bed or on an air mattress.

If it makes you feel better, I shared a queen-sized bed a couple of years ago when on holiday with my DD who was thirteen at the time. It’s not a problem. Call your SIL now and discuss it with her.

Thanks everyone. To clarify, I don't think he thought it was weird as in inappropriate, more that he has the idea in his head that everyone should have their own bed. He forgets that we are not expected to provide a hotel standard of accommodation!

It's not even a definite at the moment that they're coming, so we've got time to figure it out.

The kicking thing is a definite consideration. If they do decide to come, I'll get in touch with her myself and ask what she'd prefer based on her knowledge of her daughter. I just wanted to make sure that the idea of sharing a bed wouldn't be completely outlandish to even suggest!

I knew I was right, DH can suck it! 😉😂

I’m on holiday with a big group of family atm. My 33 y old BIL is haring a bed with my 68 y old MIL because needs must (trying to fill 11 non-couple ppl in a 4 double bed villa) 😂

I would ask them rather than assume it's ok.

My 3 year old is a nightmare to share a bed with - he kicks, he takes up the whole bed, he nicks the duvet. A lot of people also don't want to set the precedent of bed sharing with a young child. A bit older and they can understand it's a one off.

No need for a separate room, just a mattress on the floor or even TBH blankets on the floor would be fine for my kids

In my family the norm would be for kids to bunk in together, so we'd put a airbed on the floor of our own kids room for the child.

I'd find it a bit annoying if i had to share with my child for 2 weeks because when i got home I'd never hear the end of them wanting to never sleep on their own ever again.

DD (19) and I regularly share a bed when we stay in hotels and have done for years, we spent a couple of nights in the city (Sydney) this week to see ballet/theatre and the option was two single beds or a king so we went for the king. We have always done this for girls’ trips. I can’t imagine why your DH thinks it’s strange.

Having flashbacks to a family trip I did with my mother when I was 18 and relatives put us in a double bed together. I barely slept, so uncomfortable, just used to my own space to sleep. I would have preferred to be on the floor but my mum claimed it would be rude to the hosts.

For the love of God!!! Your husband is very strange man.

Completely normal, when staying with relatives in the past my 2 dc and I have shared a double bed, dh was on the sofa!

My mum, Dd (7) and I shared a double bed recently when we stayed at my Nan’s. It was her 90th birthday and quite a few of us stayed over so we all crammed in where we could. I don’t think there’s anything weird with that at all.

Can you fit in a blow-up bed? For 2 weeks it would drive me a bit crazy. My 3yo is a frequent visitor to our bed at the moment and I never sleep well the nights she’s in as she starfishes and gradually tries to push me out of the bed. It sets me up for a really grumpy morning. My 6yo fidgets so she’d probably drive me mad as well.

By a queen sized bed, do you mean smaller than a double? Having shared one of those with kids of various ages, they really aren't great for 2. Maybe I just have wriggly kids, but I never slept well in one when sharing.

I think it's completely normal. Having said that if they aren't used to it it might not work for them that well because the LG might be kicking/moving round lots.

I would actually love to share a bed with my four year old DD for a couple of weeks though. Imagine the lovely snuggles!

I would just ask.

Clearly for the majority of the small number of people on this thread it would be no problem, but that doesn't make it universally the case.

I seem to remember DS had an inflatable ready bed at that stage when we visited anywhere that cost about £30, so either they or you could purchase that if sharing wasn't an option.

I had been thinking a queen sized bed was bigger than a double, but it’s not-it’s a bit bigger than a single, but smaller than a double. Depending on the size of your visitors, the length of the stay and the wriggliness of the 4-year old, I might offer an inflatable ready bed option for the child.