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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask partner to do nursery pick up instead of me?

46 replies

sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 11:09

I've tested positive for covid this morning. I feel genuinely really unwell. Drove into work (not sure how I made it, felt very spaced out and unwell). Tested at work, was positive, so drove straight home. I did nursery drop off on my way to work.

Partner finishes work at lunch time today. His plan was to go straight out with work mates for his Christmas do, and he planned to be home early evening ish (7pm or thereabouts).

The thought of getting back out of bed where I currently am, and driving the hour round trip to my nursery at 4.30pm is making me want to cry (the nursery is next to my work and I work 30 mins away). WIBU to ask partner if he will do this instead, and go to his works do a bit later? Or go to his works do for a bit, not drink alcohol, drive to get our DC, drop them off at home with me and go back out for a few drinks?

I don't want to ask him to miss his works do but honestly I feel horrific.

No other family to ask for help either.

OP posts:
Original poster
sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 11:10

Or do I need to just put my big girl pants on and get on with it? 😭

OP posts:
Confusedteacher · 16/12/2022 11:11

Of course YANBU! Why do you even feel the need to ask? Do you think he will say no?

Original poster
sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 11:12

I don't think he will say no but I don't think he will be thrilled about it as he's looking forward to his works do.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 16/12/2022 11:12

Get him to do the nursery pick up and then go out. Sympathies, I'm in bed with covid too and can't imagine an hour drive

MintJulia · 16/12/2022 11:13

Yanbu He won't be pleased if you crash the car so he needs to take over.

Original poster
sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 11:18

Thanks everyone. I will ask him. Just wanted to her an idea of whether this was fair to ask or not as I don't want to ruin his works christmas do but I really really can't face that drive!

OP posts:
Glitterandcard · 16/12/2022 11:19

It’s a basic safety issue, if you can’t drive because you’re too sick then he needs to pick up your child, and if you’re too unwell to look after them, he needs to stay home with the child too. Only you know if you can safely put your big girl pants on or whether you’re too sick. It’s a shame about the party but missing out on stuff because you have other responsibilities is just part of being a parent and an adult. I was supposed to be out today for lunch with friends but instead I’m at home with a vomiting child. Them’s the breaks.

JenniferBarkley · 16/12/2022 11:22

YANBU - we don't get out often, so when there's an actual social engagement, out of the house with no children in the calendar for either of us it's absolutely sacred. But it would be cancelled or altered for illness. Agree with glitter - them's the breaks.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 16/12/2022 11:23

Are you able to look after your child? Is the child old enough to lie with you and watch a film? If so, I'd ask him to collect earlier and bring home before starting his celebrations. If not, I think he should collect them as late as possible and come back and stay to look after them.

JenniferBarkley · 16/12/2022 11:24

Honestly I wouldn't ask him, it's a perfectly reasonable assumption that he will do it.

"Hey, I'm so sorry but I'm completely out of it and won't be able to drive so you're on pick up. Crap timing I know. If you want to go back out I can do bedtime."

Fidgety31 · 16/12/2022 11:27

It’s his Christmas work do so he should still go .
but he could go to nursery early beforehand - baby doesn’t have to stay all day

Original poster
sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 11:29

I think I'll be able to manage looking after DC this evening. I've done it before with various illnesses. She's 18 months so definitely won't just lie and watch a film😭 But I can power through those few hours until her bedtime at 6.30/7. It's just the drive I really can't face, especially in the cold as my chest is really hurting and my eyes are burning and painful. I struggled to drive there and back this morning, I wasn't properly with it, kept zoning out.

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SummerHouse · 16/12/2022 11:32

Could he pick her up before he goes or would this just create another challenge (i.e. looking after her for longer).

billy1966 · 16/12/2022 11:34

Of course YANBU.

Surely if he is a decent partner and father he would want to?

If he doesn't he's a selfish waster.

SummerHouse · 16/12/2022 11:35

Actually I take my last post back. You are ill. Honestly, what would you do if DP was in your situation? I suspect you wouldn't go but at the very least you would want to do the pick up.

user1471447863 · 16/12/2022 11:36

He shouldn't even be going out to his doo - you have Covid, he will likely be incubating it so going out spreading it to his all his workmates just in time for xmas would be the shittest secret santa present ever.

If you are feeling anything like i was with covid then you are very right not to drive - you are in no fit state to be behind the wheel.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/12/2022 11:36

I agree you should ask him and that it’s just a question of basic safety, not a favour

notapizzaeater · 16/12/2022 11:39

Can't he pick her up as soon as he finishes work then go back out
?

Cosycover · 16/12/2022 11:43

I think he should be cancelling his whole evening tbh.

Original poster
sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 11:46

SummerHouse · 16/12/2022 11:35

Actually I take my last post back. You are ill. Honestly, what would you do if DP was in your situation? I suspect you wouldn't go but at the very least you would want to do the pick up.

I wouldn't go at all if it were reversed.

OP posts:
georgarina · 16/12/2022 12:06

My coworker had to leave our Christmas party because one of his kids got chickenpox and was unwell. It's just what you have to do. You have to take basic care of yourself. Also, no one will thank you for giving them Covid just before the holidays! Hope you feel better x

Anewhoo · 16/12/2022 12:12

Can he pick up the child early from nursery, drop them back and then go to the party? If he’s back at 7, then you won’t have too long looking after the child before bed. I know it sucks, we all went down with it last year, but if it’s only a few hours, would seem a shame to miss the party. I would suggest this option to my husband if roles were reversed and he was happy looking after the child for a few hours.

Notanotherone6 · 16/12/2022 12:23

You know you have a crap relationship when you have to ask Mumsnet if your child's father should pick her up, instead of asking him.

Original poster
sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 12:31

🙄
I don't have a "crap" relationship - bit of a leap. I don't want to ruin DP's Christmas drinks so I wanted opinions on whether it was a reasonable ask of him. I'm intrigued as to how that makes my relationship "crap"?

And I do plan to ask him directly - when he finishes his shift. In the meantime I decided to garner opinions on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
sickwithcovid · 16/12/2022 12:31

But thanks @Notanotherone6 for your very helpful input

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