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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Christmas party AIBU?

30 replies

whatstheproblemguys · 15/12/2022 18:11

So I started a new job in September. I really enjoy my new place and like my colleagues on the whole.
Tomorrow it's our work Christmas do, which we paid £45 to attend. I had agreed to share a taxi with one of my colleagues, so that we can both have a drink. I messaged said colleague yesterday to say that I was thinking of driving instead, as I am going to be driving a long way on Saturday morning and didn't want to be hanging or even potentially still drunk. Colleague said I was boring, not to drive that we should both drink and just stop around 11ish. There's only about 25 members of staff going, and I'm the only one she really has much to do with. I gave in and left it there.
Now today my DD (age 3) is unwell. She is asthmatic and struggling to maintain the 4 hours without needing her inhalers.
Husband is going to his work do tomorrow too, which he can't get out of as it starts as part of his work day and will go on after. He won't be home until after mine starts and had arranged a to get family member to babysit (she's 19).

I feel really uneasy about leaving my DD home, unwell and knowing that she could potentially could get worse quickly, and me going out to a party. Would I be silly not to go? Or am I being dramatic?

If your colleague was to bail on you at the last minute, would you think they were BU?

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 15/12/2022 18:14

I'd be irritated if we'd agreed to share a taxi, but sick kids happen.

You do know your dh can leave early once his working day is over, he's not a slave to the company.

Fusciainertia · 15/12/2022 18:15

Has your child been this sick before?

How good at coping with a sick child is the family member?

Do what's best for you and your child.

AffIt · 15/12/2022 18:15

To be honest, yes - you're relatively new, your colleagues don't know you (or your family) well and although you're sincere, these do look like a lot of excuses, particularly since you had made a prior agreement then started to 'ease out' of it yesterday.

Clearly, if your daughter is ill, you have no choice, but don't be surprised if people are a bit funny about it, because it does, on the surface, look a bit odd.

NotThoseKindOfEggs · 15/12/2022 18:15

I would explain I couldn’t go, but offer my colleague my portion of the taxi fare.

thelobsterquadrille · 15/12/2022 18:15

Your DH should leave early so you don't need to use a babysitter.

Or, if you choose not to go, I think it's only fair that you still pay for your share of the taxi.

Fusciainertia · 15/12/2022 18:17

If you don't go don't pay for your share of the taxi it's defo not your responsibility. Buy that person a coffee as a good gesture but you don't owe them taxi fare.

MelchiorsMistress · 15/12/2022 18:18

If your child is sick and needs you at home then your child needs you at home, your colleague’s opinion on it doesn’t really matter. She will be understandably disappointed so I would still insist on giving her half the money for the taxi because there’s no need to let her down twice, but otherwise she’ll just have to lump it.

NaomiS1 · 15/12/2022 18:19

I have an asthmatic child and personally I wouldn't risk it. I would spend the whole evening worrying and not enjoy the party.

lap90 · 15/12/2022 18:19

It's a good thing your husband's work do is part of the working day - he can enjoy, come home early and you can go out too

birdsandthewasps · 15/12/2022 18:20

I’d think you were making excuses and you already tried to change plans

just offer your half of the taxi if youre going to bail

CocoLux · 15/12/2022 18:22

You should give her half of the cost of the taxi.

Original poster
whatstheproblemguys · 15/12/2022 18:22

Fusciainertia · 15/12/2022 18:15

Has your child been this sick before?

How good at coping with a sick child is the family member?

Do what's best for you and your child.

She's had colds and stuff before but we've never been this close to the 4 hour window of needing the inhalers.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 15/12/2022 18:23

I have an asthmatic child and given how quickly she can decline, either DH or I would stay home.

given you are new to work and the socializing could be valuable, could your DH not leave his event early? If he can’t, then I would stay home. I might offer some money for cab fare to coworker as a goodwill gesture

Original poster
whatstheproblemguys · 15/12/2022 18:23

AffIt · 15/12/2022 18:15

To be honest, yes - you're relatively new, your colleagues don't know you (or your family) well and although you're sincere, these do look like a lot of excuses, particularly since you had made a prior agreement then started to 'ease out' of it yesterday.

Clearly, if your daughter is ill, you have no choice, but don't be surprised if people are a bit funny about it, because it does, on the surface, look a bit odd.

What if I offered to drive us both again, I'd pick her up still and drop her home but then I can get home quickly if I need to. If she then wanted to stay she could get a taxi home, which would only cost the same amount as half the total fee anyway.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 15/12/2022 18:27

I agree that husband can leave his early and take over.

Original poster
whatstheproblemguys · 15/12/2022 18:29

lap90 · 15/12/2022 18:19

It's a good thing your husband's work do is part of the working day - he can enjoy, come home early and you can go out too

They have to stay until the end of the work day at the earliest, so he still won't be home until after I'm already supposed to be there. He has an hour commute minimum and doesn't finish til 6. I'm supposed to be there at 6 and have to pick up colleague and come back to mine to get a taxi as she can't get one from her house.

OP posts:
Vimto1 · 15/12/2022 18:30

Yeah sorry OP, new in and two reasons to change plans with very short notice would look a little odd in my place.

If your DC is too ill, then there's nothing you can do but the whole thing makes you look flaky.

ForgottenNurseryRhymes · 15/12/2022 18:33

Offer to drive again, explain why and if she accepts everyone wins. If she doesn't, just don't go if you don't feel like it, you've tried to compromise

amylou8 · 15/12/2022 18:44

Can you go, drive, stay for an hour or two then leave. That way you're not leaving your daughter for long and can get back in emergency if the babysitter calls. Your colleague will only need the taxi back which will presumably be half the cost.

OnlyFannys · 15/12/2022 18:50

I wouldnt leave my child under these circumstances, I have had asthma since I was you DDs age and I know how quicky it can get bad. I would offer to cover your half of the taxi fee and maybe offer to meet them later for a drink when your partner is home but I do think one of you needs to be there with her.

NoDairyNoProblem · 15/12/2022 18:51

It won’t look great but if your daughter is unwell you are out of options.

I am more curious as to why your colleague can’t get a taxi to collect her at her house?!

TakingTime2 · 15/12/2022 19:20

I would just tell her you're driving in case you need to get home quickly. She's not the boss of you!

TakingTime2 · 15/12/2022 19:22

And I'd only do that if I was fairly happy with how dd was presenting- if she was still struggling I wouldn't go.

HelsyQ · 15/12/2022 19:22

whatstheproblemguys · 15/12/2022 18:11

So I started a new job in September. I really enjoy my new place and like my colleagues on the whole.
Tomorrow it's our work Christmas do, which we paid £45 to attend. I had agreed to share a taxi with one of my colleagues, so that we can both have a drink. I messaged said colleague yesterday to say that I was thinking of driving instead, as I am going to be driving a long way on Saturday morning and didn't want to be hanging or even potentially still drunk. Colleague said I was boring, not to drive that we should both drink and just stop around 11ish. There's only about 25 members of staff going, and I'm the only one she really has much to do with. I gave in and left it there.
Now today my DD (age 3) is unwell. She is asthmatic and struggling to maintain the 4 hours without needing her inhalers.
Husband is going to his work do tomorrow too, which he can't get out of as it starts as part of his work day and will go on after. He won't be home until after mine starts and had arranged a to get family member to babysit (she's 19).

I feel really uneasy about leaving my DD home, unwell and knowing that she could potentially could get worse quickly, and me going out to a party. Would I be silly not to go? Or am I being dramatic?

If your colleague was to bail on you at the last minute, would you think they were BU?

What are these responses??

your child is sick, don’t go.

Octo5 · 15/12/2022 19:50

It does sound like you are making excuses a little bit.

I would work out the timings with DH and so you can both go out.

Then let your colleagues know that you can only go out for a certain amount of time due to childcare.

Then let this colleague know that you will be driving home as you need to be back in time for DH to go out.

Or if DH is going out first then you can decide whether you want to drink and get a taxi home or just take the car for piece of mind.

It sounds like you are a bit nervous to go out and so going out for a couple of hours will be a nice taster for if you want to go out with her again.

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