If Christmas is easy or hard work for you mentally?

[PrincesPoof]

This is pure curiosity…
im really struggling with Christmas and wonder how people get on with it.

I’m feeling a lot of pressure from family to see them, have fun and bet together. I imagine lots of people feel the financial pressure (although I’m not one of them)

i just wonder does anyone actually have a lovely Christmas where no one gets upset about seeing folks, presents, food, pressured fun etc etc

i wonder if I’m on my own with this 😞

Christmas is pretty awful and pretty wonderful in equal measures nowadays.

I have the most lovely husband, two fab daughters, a MIL with alzheimers and vascular dementia and a dog with skin issues, and me... 58, heart issues and working til lunchtime Christmas eve.

So this Christmas... Dd20 will be home from UK uni. Dd22 has just managed to arrange flights home from abroad uni. MIL will come for 3 days/ 2 nights, hopefully this year will have less poo on the carpet/walls/bed... And the dog is having an operation 3 days before Christmas (what could go wrong!?!)

Busy, complicated, not very relaxed. But dog, flights, and MIL depending, we'll have some fun, everyone will muck in, we'll eat too much, drink too much, have a bit of a snipe at each other because its a small house with too many peoplein it, but laugh and enjoy each others company too...

I dont find it stressful as I actually enjoy organising Christmas and start nice and early so the "stress" is spread out. My biggest stress now is whether Tesco will be able to fulfill my 23rd dec food order fully? I usually order early and freeze but cant do that this year so a bit nervous.

We never travel anywhere, have had a variety of guests in the past. Some years worse than others. This year we have the highest number of guests ever so that throws a spin but stressed...
.nope..it'll be what it'll be.

I relax once the present shopping's done. I do feel under pressure to get thoughtful gifts, I do this to myself.

For the rest I've learnt to chill out more. I know what matters to me at Christmas - seeing my kids and my Dad. As long as that happens, I'm golden.

DH likes to make a big production of Christmas dinner and I let him, I don't get involved in that bit. Personally, I'd be happy with a bowl of pasta, but the big dinner matters to him. The kids want to see their cousins more than anything else at Christmas, so I go with that and we see the extended family.

For me the key is to work out what matters and priortise that. You can let go of everything else.

My mam is hard work op 80s so its alot more pressure. We like a taxi lol. Even the prep side of food is alot work! I used love watch downton when it was on.

Everyone is different.
I find it easy because I just don't feel any pressure to have the sort of Christmas you see on the adverts.
Put the tree up and decorate the living room until it looks like Santa's grotto.

But gifts, wrap them and put them under the tree.

Order a shitload of food and drink from Tesco and relax. Job done.

It's supposed to be a celebration, not torture. If someone doesn't enjoy it they need to change what they are doing until they do.

Used to be insanely hard work. Since covid we have just spent it at home with our immediate family and a couple of friends. No longer hard work. I know it’s easier said than though…

The trouble with Christmas is that the work is concentrated on certain people in a family. Those that opt out can only do so if there is someone else who will ensure the waifs and strays are looked after. So in my family BIL's other half 'doesn't do' Christmas because she 'finds it stressful'. So DH and I are expected to host BIL and his adult DC. We've tried saying no to BIL but then he expected MIL (widowed and in her late 80s) to not come to ours but to host them at her house so we end up having them to save her (she's lovely and hosted for years, she should be allowed to chill out a bit these days and we like having her here). DH and I both work FT and have 3 school age children so are at the busiest stage of life anyway but end up doing the most work at Christmas as well (family lives across the country so hosting involves having extra people in the house for days). We've had 5 Christmas concerts over the last 2 weeks, plus various parties for the different kid's activities, plus we have to prepare for all the extra visitors. So yes, it is hard work and does need a lot of planning and our lives are full anyway so it is all is done at the last minute. But some of us are more capable than others and so we do the work.

It’s easy for me these days but it’s taken time to get to this point. Plus some resilient boundaries to push back on the cheeky fucker attempts

I am still not thrilled by the Christmas where l paid for, bought all the food and cooked it all. Then no one would wash up -my then husband reluctantly washed up but was seething. Then l had to get up at 6.30am to do a 12.5 hour shift the next day, came home to no dinner made for me

Thanks everyone… I know it’s my choice of putting pressure on me. I’m trying to work on this really hard as I actually don’t remember ever having a relaxed Christmas. I really need a good break at the end of this year.
it’s just hard cause if feel like I’m letting people down…

It might help to think about the fact that you are not responsible for other people's feelings. They may be disappointed if you can't do what they want, but a good friend/relative will understand and will want you to be happy and content. Sometimes, if I can't do what someone wants, I offer an alternative: I'm sorry, we won't be able to come to you this side of Christmas, but I would love to come to you for a night in January if that works for you?

It's easy for me. I put this down to several things:

1. Everyone in our extended families gets on with each other and genuinely enjoys spending time together. We've only done a 'just the 4 of us' Christmas twice (once because of Covid) and were very glad to go back to a big family Christmas.
2. When we host Christmas or New Year, dh does the majority of the cooking, because he loves it.
3. I buy presents for my side of the family and we all do wish lists.
4. I'm a teacher (and dh was until recently), so we've always had more time off than most people at Christmas. We are usually away staying with family from 23rd or 24th to 27th.

Usually yes but this year we are doing things differently in the titty household.We are going to visit family on Christmas Eve for an hour or so each and that's it ,for the first ever time I'm having nobody visit us Christmas day and I can't wait to have a Christmas sat where I'm not spending the day stressed to fuck and waiting on visitors 😁

It isn't any kind of work for me because I don't do it, but if you do do Christmas, I think the key is to stay at home and only see people you actually like.

we have a fairly 'easy' christmas because it is just the 4 of us.

But I do find the mental load hard. I hate and detest writing christmas cards so DH does them. he also sends cheques to his godchildren (adults). Mine are younger so i have had to send presents x 4 to Australia (thankyou Amazon) and 3 presents around the UK. Not too bad but a bit of a drag.

I do all the meal planning and execution. DH does the meal shopping because the wierd person that he is loves supermarkets.

I do all the children buying. DH can wrap this year. I have a separate Christmas savings account oput aside and put money in there every month and am a bit stressed this year as it has been hard to put any savings aside. I have been worrying about that for about 6 months or so and it has been draining.

Generally things are pretty low key and we do share it around. But I feel a sort of low level anxiety about it all that DH does not.

Absolutely LOVE christmas but I get stupidly stressed over it all. So unnecessary. As someone said, it's just a posh roast. We have minimal family - only 7 of us round the table this year. Not that many presents to buy for, no real money issues (very fortunately and not a dig to anyone) and I have time off so WHY do I get so stressed. It's ridiculous 🙄

Joy to the World!

I find it really hard work, both mentally and physically. Not stressful as such, just difficult. There's a lot to do, my partner is ultimately useless and lazy when it comes to Christmas. And I hate my in-laws, who always come to stay for days on end.

So while I enjoy some of the run up with my kids, it's all tainted by the dread of what will follow. I bloody loved lockdown Christmases where I didn't have to have anyone stay.

Stress free.

We have said no to hosting this year. Just me, DH and DD2.

DH will cook, I cant wait to play with DD and her new toys. Christmas films on. No pressure, do what we want for the day.

I wouldnt even do christmas cards but my mum and auntie love them but thats as far as my effort goes.

It’s pressure but it’s pleasurable pressure. I love organising/sorting stuff out and arranging things. I enjoy hosting and enjoy going out. I have enough money and time and a big enough house to enjoy all those things. If I didn’t it would be very different and I’d feel the pressure to have Christmas to a certain standard but not the resources.

I think you either have to accept what you’re going and throw yourself in wholeheartedly, or don’t do it. Doing it but hating it is where all the discontent comes from. It also gets easier with practice I think! You start to understand the bits that make the difference and the bits that aren’t worth bothering with.

Ours is easy. I start shopping early (use the fabulous bargain threads) so I’m usually all done by December. I don’t have a life so will happily spend hours online shopping!

most family visit us beforehand - but don’t outstay their welcome!

we do host Christmas Day but only 3 more people and they’re good company- and play with the DC. DH does all the food shopping and cooking for the big day so for me it’s pretty relaxing.

But Iike other pp, I don’t do what I don’t want to do or allow other people to tell me how to spend my time and money!

I should add though - in case I sound too smug - I don’t have any in-laws. DH’s parents died and he has no other family. Obviously that can be emotionally hard for him.

I love Christmas, but I work 3 days a week TTO so have plenty of time to get organised. When I worked FT all year round it always felt like a bit of a mad rush. I hate writing Christmas cards (would be happy not to receive any either) so I don't do them. I start buying Christmas presents early to avoid any last minute panics and do all the shopping online. I don't mind wrapping presents, easy to do in front of the TV with a glass of wine. I don't have to worry about Christmas lunch as we either go to my parents or DH cooks if we're at home. The only aspect I find stressful is the pressure to meet up with various different groups of family and friends in the run up to Christmas, as I have a DD with Autism who finds socialising really tiring and needs time to re-charge. Meals out, visitors, parties etc are all lovely and things she enjoys in small doses, but when lots of these events happen in a short period of time she finds it overwhelming and people don't always understand. They think I'm being 'uptight' or antisocial if we leave early or try to explain that certain things won't work for her.

It used to be enormously hard work because we were expected to go and stay at the pil's house 200 miles away every year. I hated it for lots of different reasons.

It's fine now. The dcs are young adult so we don't have to buy lots of toys. There's no room for a Christmas tree and nobody expects other decorations either. We have a roast dinner, some chocolate and a drink. I run ds1 to his friends, but that's the only obligation. I no longer get ill with infections now - used to be ill every December due to stress.

I really hated Christmas for many years, but I'm fine with it now that it's manageable.

Christmas is easy this year. My son has an eating disorder (bulimia nervosa), so I do not stockpile food. We will probably have something normal and 'safe'. My husband (we do not live together, but we are still married) is in hospital and will probably need new lodgings before he can be discharged, so my 'gift' to him is help to get a new place. My eldest son is in supported lodgings and he will come to us for the day, and if I can get transport, I will make sure I see my brother and 94 year old mother.

In a way, this Christmas is an opportunity to make sure people are safe, warm, fed and cared for. There won't be much in the way of celebrations, and presents will be practical help or practical gifts.

We are fortunate that there are no young children in the family, because it would be difficult to do something 'special' in the midst of all the caring responsibilities. I realise some families are under tremendous pressure at this time of the year.

I love a tree and a feast. Maybe Christmas music or crafts.

I don't love feeling like I'm carting dc about to get showered with toys we don't need. Then they get hyped up and I have to sit through the hours of tantrums.