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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let her go to Scout Jamboree in S Korea

94 replies

Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 14:04

Or should that say what age would you let your child go to South Korea on a worldwide scout camp?

Would it depend on if they were a boy or girl?

The next scout jamboree is in S Koea in a few years time. There may be about 10 people including leaders from her troup or region who are going.

This is ignoring the financial aspect.

OP posts:
DontMakeMeShushYou · 15/12/2022 15:27

Dotjones · 15/12/2022 14:38

I wouldn't want my daughter going to South Korea, no. It's not safe there. Aside from the very real threat of nuclear annihilation from the North, women and girls are at increased risk of predators, voyeurs and perverts in general in South Korea. This was the nation which "pioneered" the technique of using specialist cameras to look through women's clothes - there is an appalling amount of these "x-ray" images on the net. (I don't think they're actually x-ray machines in the medical sense, I'm just using the term as an illustration.

Unfortunately it's not just adult women who are victims, girls are too. You only have to look at the fact that South Korea recently raised the age of consent to 20 to try to curtail sexual relationships between older men and younger women. Traditionally the age of consent had been 13.

It's a Scout Jamboree. She will be there with hundreds of other Scouts from around the UK and thousands from elsewhere in the world. In a secure campsite. You make it sound like she's going to be wandering around Seoul on her own at night! And give over with the nuclear threat rubbish. She's far more likely to be knocked over on her way to school tomorrow.

Original poster
Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:29

Eyesopenwideawake · 15/12/2022 15:26

I went to the one in Lincoln in 1977, aged 14. Spent the week smoking, drinking and necking scouts in the disco. T'was brilliant!!

Maybe that's why she is unclear with what happened at this year's jamboree at Lincoln!

OP posts:
Greengagesnfennel · 15/12/2022 15:31

Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:14

@WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt oh c'mon you know it does make a difference to teens. I am not for one second saying that only pretty girls get grief because that absolutely is not the case. However, she's pretty, stands out becausd she is very tall and looks older than she is and talks to anyone so of course she gets unwanted attention. I'm not going to play false modesty when that is a big part of my concern.

This is not fair on her op.
So you will make her pay for how she looks by locking her up and giving her fewer opportunities than her 'more ordinary' peers. No opportunities or life for you.
It's medieval thinking and misogynistic.

Give her some credit. Talk about safeguarding with her and know that she will be in a place where she has lots of people looking out for her so it's not like she's going it alone. About as safe as you can get.

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 15/12/2022 15:35

Well OP, I will make sure I tell my son to stay away from any tall pretty girls whilst he's there just in case!
Honestly, If you were my parent and I missed out on the opportunity to go on a fully funded place I don't think I'd be able to forgive you.

Original poster
Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:39

Greengagesnfennel · 15/12/2022 15:31

This is not fair on her op.
So you will make her pay for how she looks by locking her up and giving her fewer opportunities than her 'more ordinary' peers. No opportunities or life for you.
It's medieval thinking and misogynistic.

Give her some credit. Talk about safeguarding with her and know that she will be in a place where she has lots of people looking out for her so it's not like she's going it alone. About as safe as you can get.

Show quote history

Nope, not at all. Like you say, she can't be kept locked up. She needs to be equipped with life skills, including being able to tell men (boys) to get lost.

It's that balance between exposing her so she can get those skills and protecting her so she can do it safely until she gas them.

I'm not sure she's quite able to defereniate between good / bad attention yet.

A few months ago I had to complain about a teacher. My daughter had told her that a boy was following her around and making lewd jokes about her. The teacher had told her laugh at his jokes and be nice to him and he'd get bored and leave her alone. I mean... when she's getting "advice" like this from teachers can you see why I'm concerned?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:42

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 15/12/2022 15:35

Well OP, I will make sure I tell my son to stay away from any tall pretty girls whilst he's there just in case!
Honestly, If you were my parent and I missed out on the opportunity to go on a fully funded place I don't think I'd be able to forgive you.

So me worrying about equipping my daughter with skills to deal with unwanted attention, is a direct reflection on your son? Really? If your son can't act appropriately around girls then yes, maybe he should be kept away from them. On the other hand, if he has been raised to understand respectful boundaries, then there is no need to worry is there?

OP posts:
bumpytrumpy · 15/12/2022 15:43

Ooh I don't know about this OP. I can see the obvious benefits and 99% kids have a brilliant time.

I am a relatively new scouts helper and I must say I've been shocked at the low level of supervision on camps. Absolutely kids could get themselves into all sorts of trouble if they were minded to. I disagree that's it's the same as a school trip. Being in a secure camp only helps if the bad guys are outside. I think her sex does matter - presume there are many more boys than girls (and male leaders).

Tricky.

Jouto · 15/12/2022 15:44

Have a talk about what to do in x y z situation. That she needs to talk to an adult and if that adult has ubappropriate suggestions like the teacher, she goes to another adult.
This is such a fabulous opportunity and there's enough time to talk lots about what is and isn't inappropriate and she's at the right age for these discussions not just for Korea but life at home, as she starts exploring towns more on her own, going out with friends etc etc.

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 15/12/2022 15:46

Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:39

Nope, not at all. Like you say, she can't be kept locked up. She needs to be equipped with life skills, including being able to tell men (boys) to get lost.

It's that balance between exposing her so she can get those skills and protecting her so she can do it safely until she gas them.

I'm not sure she's quite able to defereniate between good / bad attention yet.

A few months ago I had to complain about a teacher. My daughter had told her that a boy was following her around and making lewd jokes about her. The teacher had told her laugh at his jokes and be nice to him and he'd get bored and leave her alone. I mean... when she's getting "advice" like this from teachers can you see why I'm concerned?

Show quote history

But this has NOTHING to do with how pretty she is. If you had a less pretty daughter would you not do this?

Original poster
Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:46

Thanks for everyone's useful responses.

OP posts:
Bagpuss2022 · 15/12/2022 15:49

I can’t see the difference from her attending the uk one and the Korea one if that’s your concerns you must of had the same concerns when she attended the Lincoln one so what’s the difference with the S Korea one?

stopbeeping · 15/12/2022 15:50

Best experience of my life was scout jamboree!! Highlands park. Life changing

Jouto · 15/12/2022 15:52

Bagpuss2022 · 15/12/2022 15:49

I can’t see the difference from her attending the uk one and the Korea one if that’s your concerns you must of had the same concerns when she attended the Lincoln one so what’s the difference with the S Korea one?

If anything went disastrously wrong, op presumably would be able to get to Lincoln far quicker and easier than soutj Korea.
I think its a great opportunity but its easy to see why those to scenarios are different

Whatthediddlyfeck · 15/12/2022 15:52

Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:39

Nope, not at all. Like you say, she can't be kept locked up. She needs to be equipped with life skills, including being able to tell men (boys) to get lost.

It's that balance between exposing her so she can get those skills and protecting her so she can do it safely until she gas them.

I'm not sure she's quite able to defereniate between good / bad attention yet.

A few months ago I had to complain about a teacher. My daughter had told her that a boy was following her around and making lewd jokes about her. The teacher had told her laugh at his jokes and be nice to him and he'd get bored and leave her alone. I mean... when she's getting "advice" like this from teachers can you see why I'm concerned?

Show quote history

I think a Scout Jamboree would be the safest exposure she could ever have! I went to one on the 80s and almost 40 years later still have amazing memories of it.
I do get your concerns after the teacher experience but in my experience the youth organisations are way more on the ball with safeguarding these days than schools are.

I think you’d be failing as a parent if you didn’t allow her to go

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 15/12/2022 15:53

@Iamnotausername oh don't be so dramatic. My son is the most responsible, respectful person I know. He is regularly complimented on his exemplary behaviour in scouts and school. You on the other hand are determined to hunt out some drama for your very pretty daughter....that would be the only reason I would want him to stay away.

lieselotte · 15/12/2022 15:54

I would jump at the chance for my child. Yes I can totally see you might be concerned about girls but they will be very well supervised and South Korea is a safe country and absolutely not in imminent danger of nuclear annihilation form the North!

Please let your dd go, it will be a fantastic experience for her.

Bog · 15/12/2022 15:55

Wow, just find out how to say no and get lost in Korean.
I think you are looking for a reason to say no. Its not some massive scout sex party. Any number of things could happen regardless of what country she goes to.
I suspect IF pps son and you daughter DID hookup and that was on your daughter, the son would still be at fault. However, remember it takes two to tango. Not everyone is a rapist, yes of course be careful but at her age and the coming years it will be inevitable.

lieselotte · 15/12/2022 15:56

And don't think all teachers and youth leaders are as useless as the teacher you had that experience with! To be honest, I would be making a complaint about that - you do not tell girls to laugh off unwanted attention from boys!

dcut · 15/12/2022 15:58

Does she want to go?

Underanothersky · 15/12/2022 16:02

Iamnotausername · 15/12/2022 15:39

Nope, not at all. Like you say, she can't be kept locked up. She needs to be equipped with life skills, including being able to tell men (boys) to get lost.

It's that balance between exposing her so she can get those skills and protecting her so she can do it safely until she gas them.

I'm not sure she's quite able to defereniate between good / bad attention yet.

A few months ago I had to complain about a teacher. My daughter had told her that a boy was following her around and making lewd jokes about her. The teacher had told her laugh at his jokes and be nice to him and he'd get bored and leave her alone. I mean... when she's getting "advice" like this from teachers can you see why I'm concerned?

Show quote history

Do you think this only happens to pretty girls?

SofiaSoFar · 15/12/2022 16:12

There will be thousands of other kids there. It's likely there will be other girls who are even prettier than your DD, as hard as that may be to stomach, OP.

zingally · 15/12/2022 16:14

Any chance you're getting North and South Korea muddled? South Korea is one of the safest countries in the world, if that's what you're worried about!

These jamborees are micro-managed to the n'th degree, so I don't think you'd need to worry about anything untoward happening. I think 14 is the minimum age.

RunLolaRun102 · 15/12/2022 16:20

If you allowed her to go to Lincoln, the one in South Korea will be fine. It is much better organised and girl / boy segregation is very strict. There’s also much less drinking / smoking because the security guards in the accomodation don’t allow it.

RunLolaRun102 · 15/12/2022 16:23

zingally · 15/12/2022 16:14

Any chance you're getting North and South Korea muddled? South Korea is one of the safest countries in the world, if that's what you're worried about!

These jamborees are micro-managed to the n'th degree, so I don't think you'd need to worry about anything untoward happening. I think 14 is the minimum age.

No it’s not. The tourist parts are but like Japan it’s a country of both deep inequality and deep shame. Most crimes against women and girls goes unreported & the media doesn’t report the bad stuff (unlike Indian media which overreports it). In a recent survery of Korean schoolgirls aged 7-18 most had experienced some kind of unwanted sexual attention from Korean men between 7-9.

MajorCarolDanvers · 15/12/2022 16:47

RunLolaRun102 · 15/12/2022 16:20

If you allowed her to go to Lincoln, the one in South Korea will be fine. It is much better organised and girl / boy segregation is very strict. There’s also much less drinking / smoking because the security guards in the accomodation don’t allow it.

Accommodation is tents and they don't have security guards at Scout Camps.