Anyone else’s child suddenly miserable?

[MiserableDDPreviouslyHappy]

DD aged 7, Year 3.

Gone from a happy, always smiling child to miserable.

Started the school year fine. Seemed her usual self then around half term just changed.

She has some SN and an EHCP. Reviewed in school recently due to the change in behaviour but it’s not improved her mood.

School have said it’s not bad behaviour, she’s still polite, tries her hardest but she’s no longer her smiley happy self all the time, she will often sit in the classroom with a sad face or the TA for the class will have to take her outside for a few minutes as she’s crying – School have said they are nowhere near saying they can’t meet her needs as she’s still responding to intervention as per EHCP but she’s just miserable constantly. She's very sensitive and seems to cry at the smallest thing, like there not being any water in her water bottle. She’s the same at home, used to come home tired but happy now we just get whole nights of her crying and will suddenly cry at the drop of a hat over silly things like there being no bananas left in the fruit bowl.

She says she’s fine at school, has friends. She does Brownies and Brown Owls had a word as she’s changed there too, again still polite, still takes part but is just miserable all the time. BO said that DD told her the usual “I like school, nothing bad has happened, I love Brownies still, I just feel sad all the time” and BO doesn't think there's anything to worry about bar her being sad all the time.

For context she’s very very small height wise so I doubt it’s puberty starting but I could be wrong. Hoping it’s just the count down to Christmas and she’s back to herself after it. We’ve been to the doctors and they couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary wrong, she was prescribed some painkillers for a pain condition she has but it hasn’t improved her mood.

Anyone else’s child like this suddenly? I’m not worried as such as she’s not behaving badly, just crying a lot. Or does anyone have any idea what could be wrong?

OK, I will be blunt here. Is it possible she has been abused?

@allthelittlelights I don't know how or where it would happen though.

Who looks after her? Where does she go, is she in school?

Have you asked her?

School, brownies. Both are possible

Anyone passed away recently?

My 7yo in year 3 is visibly tired, it's the first year we've seen that from her. I think the cold weather and cold house don't help. Hoping the Xmas break will let her reset a bit. All the school children are also coming down with bugs so I think they are generally all run down.

Has there been any friendship issues at school?

Or left her life like a school friend moving? Etc

Has she realised that her SN and medical needs make her different to the other children? That can be hugely upsetting.

9yo ds is always miserable recently. He has SN also. Hes not crying but just looks so unhappy all the time.

He tries to hide his problems and we have discovered he is sometimes getting excluded at break time in school.

Hes also incredibly bored with the school work they are doing in a few subjects.

He doesnt want to go to school for these reasons which then leads to him being upset at home the evenings before school.

@snowbellsxox Our cat died just before half term

@allthelittlelights ExH EOWend for 1 night but he goes to his parents with her and she shares a room with her same aged cousin when there. Doubt it's there.

Otherwise just school and Brownies. Brownies I help at sometimes as do other parents (we all have to help at least once a term) and there;s nothing untoward there at all.

@Beanbagtrap Not that I know of but then DD does have SN so it might be there's an issue that she's unable to tell me about due to that.

@MolliciousIntent That's a big possibility actually she went through a phase in Year 2 of pushing back against the help offered by school saying she didn't need it anymore so it could be that.

All of our SEN pupils are struggling. It's been a long term and the usual routines are all over the place in the run up to Christmas. I have had I think eight parents contact me in the past fortnight to say that their child is worried, anxious or struggling to come into school.

@donttellmehesalive Thank you that's reassuring that hopefully she'll be back to herself after Christmas. She loves all the lights and giving presents usually, but just seems to down and sad about it all.

Does she have any insight into why she's upset? Can she verbalise or recognise her feelings?

You say it's unlikely to happen when she's with a same age cousin but child on child abuse isn't uncommon at all. Has she got any emotional well-being input via EHCP? Such as nurture time/drawing and talking/Elsa time etc

Year 3 is a big step up from year 2, especially for the current cohort who had so much of their EYFS and KS1 badly affected by COVID. My DS has SEN and he's struggling at the end of a really long term currently. Add in the bugs that are going around school and I don't think any of his class are feeling their usual selves at the moment. It may just be that she needs a good rest and some Christmas fun to perk up a bit.

If this doesn't work then I'd definitely investigate further, check in with school and ask if there's anywhere they could refer her to. It doesn't need to be CAMHS, most areas have other options.

She just says she feels sad all the time but can't tell me why. She says everything is ok everywhere she's just sad. Even further pressing from me and Brown Owl just got "I'm sad thats all".

I doubt it's the cousin at all, the cousin doesn't live there either the cousin goes round to see DD and stays over while DDs there, they're both girls not that I don't think a girl would do it to another girl but I don't think it's that at all, would be surprised but accept it if I'm wrong though. ExH has his own room and doesn't go into the girls room at all, Ex-MIL does that.

Have you chatteď about the cat's passing with her? Perhaps she misses her pusscat's presence which may have been a permanent feature in her whole life. Perhaps she's realising that pets die, and therefore people die, and I worrying about losing someone else that she loves?

Could her cousin have confided something which makes your dd uncomfortable but unable to share with you as it's a secret?

Oh bless her
This is such a loooong term
There is also a huge viral load this year due to 2 winters of covid lockdown
It's dark so early now and kids are more aware of global issues now than previously
Would a book about talking about sadness/feelings help?

My DD really struggled in year 3 - it was by far her worst school year - the transition from year 2 really hit her l think.

It is actually possible for children that age to suffer from depression, too, if you can't pin it to end-of-term tiredness or loss of a pet or feelings around her SEN or something particular happening to her. If it's depression, then treatments for children are similar to those in adults, minus drug treatment — keeping up with routines, socialising if possible, gentle exercise, attention to good sleep and diet, CBT, relaxation, mindfulness, other therapies (like play therapy, for children).

Vitamin d deficiency maybe, is another possibility.

Maybe she just needs a break.