To expect to graduate?

[surreygirl1987]

I spent almost 6 years working on my PhD. I was supposed to graduate last summer, but it was during that intense heatwave (the hottest day in fact) when a 'national emergency' had been declared, and the University said we could defer our graduation to the December ceremony to avoid travelling. For context, it's almost 200 miles from my home to the university. I deferred as would have been madness to travel (I posted on here st the time for advice actually).

The December graduation ceremony dates were published quite a bit later. My ceremony was put as mid-week. As I teach full-time in a school, I couldn't attend (would have had to have had more than 1 day off for it due to the distance). I emailed the university a few weeks ago asking if I could graduate next summer instead (I phoned up first and was told yes that's fine, but to email this email address). I have purchased my hood, and paid for photography (for last summer but they said they'd honour it due to the heatwave circumstances).

I have just had a reply (ironically on the day my graduation should have taken place) refusing that request, saying I've basically missed my chance to graduate.

My question is, AIBU to challenge this? I know it's just a ceremony, and I didn't even attend my Masters one, but I've put almost 6 years into this doctorate and am genuinely proud of having completed it. Does anyone on here work in this area of a university, and can you advise if there's anything I can do to be allowed to attend the summer graduation ceremony?

Or, if you think I'm being unreasonable for asking to graduate then, feel free to say. At the moment I think I should be allowed to graduate next summer, but I'm happy to be persuaded otherwise. Thanks.

I run graduation ceremonies for a university and let students defer as many times as they want to but they can only defer to a Summer ceremony. Our Winter ceremony is for a very specific cohort and we simply don't have room for extra students.

We don't carry tickets over as the price may change or the number of tickets you can be allocated may change. We also advise to get a refund on gowns/photographs as again, the price may change, or we may no longer be using that contractor at the next ceremony.

The extra admin comes when you don't register by the published deadline for that ceremony as everything has to be added manually. As long as you do that I don't care if you attend 5 years later!

Did you not read why the OP can't go?

She could have travelled after school the night before the ceremony, had a day off on the day of, which she as admitted she could have had off, and returned after the ceremony if it was so important to her.

Actually, I wish it were that easy, but I have 2 pre-schoolers as well, and a husband who works long hours - so he would have had to have applied for time off work to accommodate that.

OP you can keep having a paddy or accept it is what it is. All for a 10 second prance across a stage, you can easily celebrate the achievement for what it is another way.

I wouldn't say I'm having a 'paddy' over it, and I find the word 'prance' an odd choice if words. But you're right - I may have to accept that graduation may never happen.

I run graduation ceremonies for a university and let students defer as many times as they want to

Interesting- thanks for the info.

Interesting responses (just catching up after work) - thank you, I've had a skim through.

This one I found quite odd though-

I think it's a bit disrespectful to the University that you are not making the December date work.
Bit strange .. I would if I could! In fact, I REALLY want to attend my PhD graduation ceremony! It's clearly not disrespect to the university 🙈

I think I will get back to them and remind them that the person I originally spoke to on the phone said it would be fine, and that I didn't get a reply until the day of graduation (many weeks later). Will see what they say 🤞 I wasn't fussed for my Masters degree didn't bother graduating for my PGCE, deferred my BA graduation, but my PhD really means something to me and I had the image of graduating from it in my head for 6 long years!

Just to add that like a PP, the uni that I work at allows students to defer graduation for as long as they wish, even if it’s years.

Many thanks - interesting to know that multiple universities do allow this.

🤣🤣🤣🤣
if only.
so, who produces the new degree certificate with the new date on it?
who makes sure it’s entered into the right place in the 400+ other degree certs, so it’s given out in the right order?
who adjusts the seating (because the order of seating is very important in getting people up on stage in the correct order?
who magics up 2 or 3 more guest tickets in a completely full venue, so the graduand’s husband/wife/partner/dog get to watch?
who makes sure there’s an extra gown and hood of the right type?
… all of these are just off the top of my head. Graduation ceremonies don’t just happen. There’s a lot of hard work, planning, and precision involved. It’s not as easy as someone showing up, and being included.

but I have 2 pre-schoolers as well, and a husband who works long hours - so he would have had to have applied for time off work to accommodate that.

Oh come on. You say that like it's rare - many people are the same. It's your PhD graduation of course he could take time off, being the kids and possibly a minder or other family member to help out with them during the ceremony.

I would be surprised if it's multiple. I suspect a small number. Even then I'd be amazed if there wasn't some limit.

I've seen someone walk across the stage with her preschoolers in tow. She got a huge applause.

indeed. I’ve worked in the Registries of 4 different universities - 2 very large, 1 very small, 1 in between! Never seen it be allowed to defer (except in one occasion, where a graduand was in a coma following a terrible car accident.)

I've seen someone walk across the stage with her preschoolers in tow. She got a huge applause
That's lovely!

Where I work, there are also often families in attendance, the kids are so proud!

I'd let it go. You've got the PhD that's the important bit (congrats on getting through it!). PhD Graduations are a bit weird and out of place amongst taught graduations.

But, if you want to cause an issue (and be that person) email your university VC directly with a sob story. I've worked at 4 universities all Russell Groups and anytime anyone does that, they get what they want if its feasible.

We’ve had babies in slings, and I’ve held an unruly toddler for a graduand. We go out of our way to facilitate things on the day. Although I would say that it’s almost always female students who have to manage this…. Very rarely male.

I think YABU too.
You could have submitted in time to go the one December and made an absolutely reasonable decision not to, but there was that chance

You then could have gone to the Summer one - again, you chose not to.

The University were kind enough to offer you a 2nd opportunity - this December, and again, you chose not to.
Actually, I wish it were that easy, but I have 2 pre-schoolers as well, and a husband who works long hours - so he would have had to have applied for time off work to accommodate that.

To be fair, that isn't the University's responsibility. Your school would have given you the time, most people could manage the travel.

Sometimes, decisions to have our dc mean that we miss things because life gets too complicated. That is just where you are in life now. It is what it is.

YANBU if they said on the phone that you could defer. A colleague of mine missed her graduation because she didn’t get the invite (wrong email or something) and the university didn’t allow her to attend the next graduation ceremony, however if you confirm attendance, you’re allow to defer during that process. I'm not sure how that works though, if you can defer more than once, if you can skip the winter one and go for summer etc.

Hmm, I can see both sides.

I do think it'd be lovely to allow deferred graduations, allowing for the fact many if not most PhD grads have complicated lives (as do many undergrads). But, I also see that logistically, it is hard, and the people who have to do the scheduling and showing up to a rescheduled event are people too, and they might also have lived and families.

I graduated from my PhD in absentia, because I was in the middle of getting divorced and recently alienated from my family who were horrified about the divorce. It's like you with the heatwave - it just wouldn't have made sense to risk it, even though it feels a bit shit. But, I've realised that it actually doesn't matter. I'm always going to be Dr; I always have my degree. You can celebrate any time - the achievement is always there.

Congratulations, Dr!

Yes about the kids, unless they aren’t in nursery, surely the max time your DH would have had to take off is half a day to allow you to leave for the graduation venue the day before? Or in most jobs he could have started early the day before and then left early for you to leave at 4pm to get to the venue. Then on the day of the ceremony you’d have probably been back in time to pick them up. But even if your DH had to take a day and a half off to cover the day of the ceremony too I don’t think that’s really unreasonable if you want to graduate this much. But again it sounds like you sort of assumed everything would be fine for the summer without having this confirmed.

She turned down the summer one and opted to defer to December. She chose December herself. Doh!

@EcafTnuc please don't use the phrase having a paddy. It's racist.

Yes the uni is being unfair.

But you could have gone to the December one.

Your AIBU is 'my DP wouldn't take a day off so I could attend my graduation'.

Why didn't you all go?

I take it you don't drive because driving 200 miles there and back is perfectly acceptable for a graduation.

There were so many options- take the DC's, stay in a hotel the night before, look for other childcare, just go and leave it up to do to sort childcare!