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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child ill, school made him stay and refused to contact me - WIBU to complain

56 replies

CrowInTheSnow · 14/12/2022 16:38

My ds is in y7. He felt unwell at school today - cough, sore throat, generally poorly. Teacher in period 1 clocked he looked ill and sent him to reception, but he was sent away to see how he got on, as he hadn't been physically sick and didn't have a temperature.

He went back at break and was told the same. They also refused to let him contact me on his mobile.

I've just had to collect him once he got out of school, he called in tears, is really obviously unwell - temperature over 38, cough, headache, sore throat, nauseous, and really distressed. He's gone straight to bed.

WIBU to put a formal complaint to the school about this? He has some additional needs and is young in his year too - I feel like this was so neglectful of them esp not even to let him call me.

OP posts:
NevergoingtoNCdad · 14/12/2022 16:40

Yr7 and feeling rundown.
Surely he will be fine?
Formal complaint feels OTT for me.
YABU

Neighneigh · 14/12/2022 16:42

Poor kid, hope he is ok (one of mine is currently off sick with the same + vomiting) I'd email the head of year and ask that he is properly assessed and if in doubt that you are contacted, especially given the rate of serious infections at the moment. Tbh a formal complaint should come after that, if you don't get a proper answer, don't go in formally first

ArtixLynx · 14/12/2022 16:42

they wouldnt allow him to contact you on his mobile? I'm sorry? What?

IF your DS is ill, and wants to speak to you on HIS mobile, tell him to go to the toilets and text you from there.. its what my DD does in an emergency.

its unacceptable for them not to contact you.. my kids school will call, let me know they're unwell, discuss with me a plan of action.. be it agreeing to see how they go, or me going to get them.

Original poster
CrowInTheSnow · 14/12/2022 16:44

@ArtixLynx I said to him just text me from the toilets next time but he won't, he has ASD and won't break any rules.

OP posts:
NotatTheExpectedlevel · 14/12/2022 16:46

Unfortunately schools are really reluctant to send children home it’s all about attendance levels

my dc have low levels so the school don’t tell us they send a message at the end of the day to say if they’ve felt unwell and that they assessed them as fine to stay they don’t even call us . I’m seriously considering home education as the one size fits all attendance model doesn’t work for us at all

racingcar · 14/12/2022 16:48

Complain. I used to be a teacher and when I had a Y7 form I had a tutee who was sick literally onto me in the morning. I had him escorted to reception, with a note to say he was unwell and needed to go home - both students arrived back a few minutes later saying reception had said to wait until break time. So, I took him to reception myself and insisted they phone his parents or I would phone them myself. It was ridiculous that the reception staff were clearly under pressure to boost attendance by forcing unwell children to "power through". It's such an unhealthy mindset to put onto children about their own wellbeing.

Original poster
CrowInTheSnow · 14/12/2022 16:52

@NevergoingtoNCdad yeah I'm sure he'll be fine! But it was a super distressing day for him and doesn't fill me with confidence that the school can look after him.

I'm trying to gauge whether this is a case of secondary school approach generally not being a good fit for my particular child / whether I'm being overprotective because I know how hard he finds school as it is, or whether it was generally a shit move from the school.

My other child is made of sturdier stuff and wouldn't have been fussed particularly.

OP posts:
NevergoingtoNCdad · 14/12/2022 16:54

ArtixLynx · 14/12/2022 16:42

they wouldnt allow him to contact you on his mobile? I'm sorry? What?

IF your DS is ill, and wants to speak to you on HIS mobile, tell him to go to the toilets and text you from there.. its what my DD does in an emergency.

its unacceptable for them not to contact you.. my kids school will call, let me know they're unwell, discuss with me a plan of action.. be it agreeing to see how they go, or me going to get them.

It wasn't an emergency.
He was rundown.
And is ok.

solidaritea · 14/12/2022 16:56

Yes you would be unreasonable because
A) Follow the complaints procedure. Going straight to formal complaint is not the procedure.
B) He was temp checked and OK when checked. Illnesses change throughout the day.
C) Time taken responding to unnecessary formal complaints is extremely expensive and damages the school's ability to teach and care for pupils

Neighneigh · 14/12/2022 16:57

The transition from primary where we know everything and speak to teachers regularly, to secondary where we barely know what's going on, is difficult for us parents. Yes they do try and weddle out the "miss I'm not well cough cough" ones but when they've clearly made the wrong call - and possibly made him more unwell by having to 'power through' could mean he misses more school, I'd definitely email head of year and reception.

NotatTheExpectedlevel · 14/12/2022 17:01

NevergoingtoNCdad · 14/12/2022 16:54

It wasn't an emergency.
He was rundown.
And is ok.

Show quote history

Being ‘rundown’ doesn’t cause a fever and is minimising what is clearly some kind of illness given OPs dc other symptoms . The culture in this country of gaslighting children that they are well when they aren’t is totally unfair and only to boost attendance targets

NevergoingtoNCdad · 14/12/2022 17:02

He's going to be ill, get colds etc again though right....
If it were me I wouldn't make a big deal of it. If anything tell him he did well to get through the day and that he will be fine (which he will be)

Sartre · 14/12/2022 17:03

By secondary school age (and I’d argue at least two years before this) they are old enough to cope with feeling a bit run down. He didn’t have a temperature as they said and wasn’t vomiting so I don’t think he should miss out on education for a runny nose and cough personally. I send my DC in unless they’re seriously sick. General rule is if they’re willing to eat sweets and play on games, they can go to school which is most of the time.

NevergoingtoNCdad · 14/12/2022 17:05

Honestly
Are either of us able to make any kind of diagnosis.
The child is ok right?
It wasn't/isnt an emergency.

It's December and bugs are going around schools.
I'd imagine the school see many more ill kids than any of us and are better placed to make a unemotional decision on a day to day basis.

Do they perhaps get it wrong sometimes? Probably.
Did they here? I dont think so, but even if they did. It's not worth a formal complaint IMO

NevergoingtoNCdad · 14/12/2022 17:05

NotatTheExpectedlevel · 14/12/2022 17:01

Being ‘rundown’ doesn’t cause a fever and is minimising what is clearly some kind of illness given OPs dc other symptoms . The culture in this country of gaslighting children that they are well when they aren’t is totally unfair and only to boost attendance targets

Show quote history

Honestly
Are either of us able to make any kind of diagnosis.
The child is ok right?
It wasn't/isnt an emergency.

It's December and bugs are going around schools.
I'd imagine the school see many more ill kids than any of us and are better placed to make a unemotional decision on a day to day basis.

Do they perhaps get it wrong sometimes? Probably.
Did they here? I dont think so, but even if they did. It's not worth a formal complaint IMO

W0tnow · 14/12/2022 17:07

No. Leave it. Not worth it. He’s fine.

Soontobe60 · 14/12/2022 17:08

I’m sure he couldn’t have been that ill first thing in the morning or you would have noticed it at breakfast.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 14/12/2022 17:09

Neighneigh · 14/12/2022 16:42

Poor kid, hope he is ok (one of mine is currently off sick with the same + vomiting) I'd email the head of year and ask that he is properly assessed and if in doubt that you are contacted, especially given the rate of serious infections at the moment. Tbh a formal complaint should come after that, if you don't get a proper answer, don't go in formally first

This. Formal complaint is too far but you should definitely flag it. Poor DS sounds horrible.

Clymene · 14/12/2022 17:09

But he didn't have a temperature when they checked him?

orbitalcrisis · 14/12/2022 17:12

Could you convince him that the school are breaking a rule by not calling you? So he's not breaking a rule by texting you, he's rectifying their mistake.

Prettyinpink22 · 14/12/2022 17:15

This happened to my son in year 7 (last year). He felt unwell and was sent to the medical room. They refused to take his temp and told him to drink more water and sent him back to class. He could barely hold his head up he felt that unwell. Not one teacher asked if he was ok all day.
I picked him up and he cried as soon as he got in the car. He had a temp of 39.2!
You could clearly see how unwell he was just by looking at him.

He had an infection and ended up in hospital. Now if he isn’t well I don’t send him and have told the school I don’t trust their judgement on sending him home if he needs to.

They also have a blanket ban on mobiles. No mobile is allowed to be seen on site. It’s to be turned off and put in the bottom of bags.

Sirzy · 14/12/2022 17:15

So was he perfectly fine before he went to school? Seems like a very quick downhill from fine to needing to come home during p1!

Isntitakward · 14/12/2022 17:16

He wasn’t nauseous, he didn’t throw up, he didn’t have a temperature. They were right not to send him home. Do they have to allow every pupil to call home if they feel ran down? He’s probably got a cold. I don’t see what’s the problem.

WhiteFire · 14/12/2022 17:19

It's December and bugs are going around schools

Yes, including Strep A that is ending up with children being hospitalised. There is no need to spread bugs further.

Not complaint worthy, but not great. They will get it wrong - kids faking it, parents complaining that they have had to come and pick them up and ill kids forced to stay at school. It is hard to always make the right call.

Sittingonabench · 14/12/2022 17:19

I wouldn’t complain but I would try and make it very clear to him that the most important rule which overrides every other rule is that if he needs you - he can contact you.
most kids would have ignored the rules so i think it is a standard secondary approach but it’s important he knows he can call you if in trouble

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