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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child ill, school made him stay and refused to contact me - WIBU to complain

56 replies

CrowInTheSnow · 14/12/2022 16:38

My ds is in y7. He felt unwell at school today - cough, sore throat, generally poorly. Teacher in period 1 clocked he looked ill and sent him to reception, but he was sent away to see how he got on, as he hadn't been physically sick and didn't have a temperature.

He went back at break and was told the same. They also refused to let him contact me on his mobile.

I've just had to collect him once he got out of school, he called in tears, is really obviously unwell - temperature over 38, cough, headache, sore throat, nauseous, and really distressed. He's gone straight to bed.

WIBU to put a formal complaint to the school about this? He has some additional needs and is young in his year too - I feel like this was so neglectful of them esp not even to let him call me.

OP posts:
TimeToFlyNow · 14/12/2022 17:20

Well he can't have been looking great if a teacher noticed and sent him to reception

BotWaterHottle · 14/12/2022 17:20

The school DID look after him all day. You sent him in to learn and they kept him and taught him for the whole day.

PrincePrecious · 14/12/2022 17:26

I've had this over the years. I now get my son to msg me in secret... and then - because he's not supposed to phone me himself- I phone school saying I've managed to get him a docs appt, and then i collect him.
I trust him enough not to abuse the situation. He's only done it twice in 5 years- but it's crap when they're feeling ill and the school won't contact you.

RudolphTheGreat · 14/12/2022 17:28

I would certainly raise it. My asd kids cannot always tell how ill they are or communicate it well so I'd expect school to bear that in mind but I'd be unhappy even if were my nt child too.

NevergoingtoNCdad · 14/12/2022 17:28

PrincePrecious · 14/12/2022 17:26

I've had this over the years. I now get my son to msg me in secret... and then - because he's not supposed to phone me himself- I phone school saying I've managed to get him a docs appt, and then i collect him.
I trust him enough not to abuse the situation. He's only done it twice in 5 years- but it's crap when they're feeling ill and the school won't contact you.

I mean....
That's just....

NotatTheExpectedlevel · 14/12/2022 17:30

PrincePrecious · 14/12/2022 17:26

I've had this over the years. I now get my son to msg me in secret... and then - because he's not supposed to phone me himself- I phone school saying I've managed to get him a docs appt, and then i collect him.
I trust him enough not to abuse the situation. He's only done it twice in 5 years- but it's crap when they're feeling ill and the school won't contact you.

My dd (now adult) has asd and when she was in year 9 she was very unwell and needed to come home and the school refused so she got her phone out and called me. They only cared that she had ‘broken the rules’ . She needed to go to hospital and they just didn’t care and wanted to punish her for refusing to hand her phone over. We went to a meeting where they called her a liar and said she wasn’t Ill as ‘sometims we see you smile’ so I de registered her on the spot

KTheGrey · 14/12/2022 17:31

I think the school's behaviour here is absolutely nuts. Much better to send a child home who's faking than keep one in who's feeling terrible and spreading germs about. Also it seems inhumane.

@PrincePrecious seems to have the best idea. Children shouldn't be made to keep rules that harm them.

PrincePrecious · 14/12/2022 17:33

@NevergoingtoNCdad
Can you....
Finish your....
Sentences......
I don't suppose you're agreeing with me but I don't know what you're trying to say.

cansu · 14/12/2022 17:40

Why did you send him to school if he was clearly unwell? By period 1 you say the teacher clocked he was unwell and sent him to reception. Do you need to complain about yourself? Obviously many people have colds and many kids would rather stay at home when feeling rough. You made the call that he was OK in the morning to go to school. The school are unlikely to send him home for an illness you have already decided is minor.

lieselotte · 14/12/2022 17:42

Blimey this makes a difference to all the "my child had a slight temperature but was fine in themselves but nursery insisted on sending them home for the tenth time this month posts.

I wouldn't complain OP but I would encourage your son to forget school rules in this case and your rule comes first. If he needs you, he contacts you. I realise that might be difficult with his ASD.

Windtunnel · 14/12/2022 17:59

I think you should raise it with the school via email, maybe via his form teacher, Head of House or whoever, even the teacher who noticed him bekng unwell, and and ask them to pass it on to the right person.
So, not a formal complaint but some feedback. The asd is relevant here too.

LlynTegid · 14/12/2022 18:03

Talk to the school. Express thanks for the teacher in his first period and her or his actions, before discussing what seems unreasonable in the subsequent action by the school.

MaverickSnoopy · 14/12/2022 18:22

I would contact his head of year and update them on what happened. I wouldn't jump straight to a complaint. I don't think you'd get the outcome you're looking for and this will probably have more impact.

I have primary age children so no experience of secondary but I've picked up my children several times before with a temperature (and once vomiting) at the end of the school day. I've never said anything but it did annoy me. Speaking to a TA friend at the school she says they categorically do not send unwell children home unless they have vomited or have an obvious temperature, regardless of how unwell the child feels, even if they're obviously effected. This means that I always err on the side of caution and keep them off - all of my children go downhill rapidly and if they don't rest soon enough will be ill for much much longer, one of them will have convulsions. It's annoying really because sometimes it's not always possible to make a decision first thing in the morning as they appear borderline as their attendance would be higher if they just sent them home when unwell.

I do think with secondaries that with the number of children they have, it must be harder to weed out the ones who are genuinely feeling unwell vs those who are trying it on. I suppose it depends on whether they have a blanket unspoken policy not to send children home, or if it just wasn't clear to them that he was really feeling ill.

NewToWoo · 14/12/2022 18:27

racingcar · 14/12/2022 16:48

Complain. I used to be a teacher and when I had a Y7 form I had a tutee who was sick literally onto me in the morning. I had him escorted to reception, with a note to say he was unwell and needed to go home - both students arrived back a few minutes later saying reception had said to wait until break time. So, I took him to reception myself and insisted they phone his parents or I would phone them myself. It was ridiculous that the reception staff were clearly under pressure to boost attendance by forcing unwell children to "power through". It's such an unhealthy mindset to put onto children about their own wellbeing.

Totally agree. (And how awful for you and the child that you both had to endure this.)

Tundrawave · 14/12/2022 18:27

YANBU and please don’t try and trick him into breaking school rules to contact you on the sly.

He is a bit poorly, secondary school is a lot different to primary, some parents struggle to adapt.

Original poster
CrowInTheSnow · 14/12/2022 18:38

Thanks for the different perspectives.

I think this is mainly about his asd-related needs and how he copes in that more impersonal secondary environment.

His communication/anxiety/distress levels and awareness of how he is feeling are different from typical year 7s. It might be hard for a first aider who doesn't know him to assess how he actually is.

That said, he doesn't just have a cold or feel run down! He has had plenty of colds of course, and wouldn't normally need to come home for a mild cold. He seemed ok before school, so has come down with whatever this is quite rapidly.

I won't launch a formal complaint. But I will email head of year informally, and I will ask if he can have sth on his records to say they should call me if he's complaining about feeling ill.

OP posts:
Moon22 · 14/12/2022 18:38

I wouldn't complain as such. The schools here get slated for sending kids home for every little thing- they were perhsps trying to exercise common sense- and as he didn't have a temp at the time, thought he'd be ok until the end of the day. Obviously you know your own child well, but they can really only go by the symptoms presented at the time.
Why does he have a mobile in school if he's not allowed to use it? Do the school take it away during the day or something? I'd perhaps have a conversation with someone, rather than complain, and suggest that you would have preferred him to be allowed to communicate with you on the matter.

Original poster
CrowInTheSnow · 14/12/2022 18:43

@Moon22 he has a long walk to school and has his mobile to communicate with me, mainly if he has any issues getting home after school, which is turning out to be fairly often.

The school has a policy that phones should not be used in school hours and should be out of sight at all times (in their bags on silent).

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 14/12/2022 18:45

My experience of secondary school is that they don't send students home unless they need an ambulance.

I wouldn't complain but might speak to their form tutor/HOY.

IMO primary schools send children home far too easily and at ridiculous times (I was called 30 mins before the end of the day to collect my KS2 child).

urrrgh46 · 14/12/2022 18:45

Completely out of order - yes I would definitely complain. I've been through this sort of utter rubbish from school. They are NOT running prisons. They have a duty of care to your child which they failed! In addition it's a safe guarding issue for them not to have properly assessed how unwell he was.

latetothefisting · 14/12/2022 18:53

I think it's worth asking for the rationale of why they refused to listen to him. I thought the main aim of school (in terms of the pastoral element alongside the educational) was to prepare kids for their adult life. In the vast majority of jobs it's the employee who makes the decision whether they are ill enough to go home, not their boss. Aren't they supposed to be teaching kids independence, knowing their own bodies, etc?

BreatheAndFocus · 14/12/2022 18:55

Poor thing - sounds like the really nasty virus going round. I have it and feel like crap. I don’t have a temperature but I feel awful.

I wouldn’t make a formal complaint, but I’d put something in writing and ask that it doesn’t happen again. They’re not medically-trained and they should err on the side of caution by contacting you so you can decide the best course of action.

Walkden · 14/12/2022 19:05

"In the vast majority of jobs it's the employee who makes the decision whether they are ill enough to go home, not their boss. Aren't they supposed to be teaching kids independence, knowing their own bodies, etc"

Don't be ridiculous. These are children. Whilst there are always exceptions if you trusted the "judgement of the children" half of them would be going home everyday and the rest would spend half the day going to the toilet!

As adults they would be be expected to get through the day unless physically impossible for them to do so or risk absence policies kicking in.

Mumteedum · 14/12/2022 19:07

I think the ASD is a major factor here. I would speak to the senco. Your child has communication issues so staff need to defer to you on his physical health.

I had a recent issue where my son was not given his medication in school because it was not deemed necessary by teacher. I raised it nicely but firmly and I had a call from head of safeguarding, because it could have been really serious.

Talk to them and agree a plan for any future occasions.

Willmafrockfit · 14/12/2022 19:10

and if you had been at work and unable to collect him?
then what?
i hope he recovers soon but i dont personally think a complaint is in order