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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I have moved my car? Parking thread!

63 replies

LG93 · 14/12/2022 12:03

So I had an altercation at the hospital this morning in the carpark with a man. It's a community hospital if that makes a difference (so nobody there is in a life or death situation, they only have minor injuries, outpatients, physio and scans etc) with a tiny car park which is almost always full. There are no arrows on the floor anymore so it's a bit of a free for all, but the 'aisles' are wide enough for 2 cars and so the general consensus seems to be you all drive around at random and then it's basically pot luck as to who happens to be near a space when it becomes empty, like a really dull and fuel wasting game of musical chairs.

I'd been driving round for about 10 minutes when as I got the end of an aisle, I saw a mum and child approaching their car in the space I was perpendicular to, so I reversed back out of their way and put my indicator on to signal I was going to pull in when they left.

Another car appeared the other side of them and pointed at the space in what I thought was an 'are you going in there' fashion so I signalled/mouthed yes I am, but he didn't move. The car pulled out and I pulled in, and the man jumped out and ran over to my car telling me that was his space . He said that he'd followed them as he came in the entrance round to their space and that therefore it's his space. I pointed out that I had also seen them coming and was by the car and was already indicating for the space before he even came into my view and so was entitled to park there ( obviously if he had been in view and indicating to the space already I would have been unreasonable to push into it first, but that wasn't the case) he started shouting why did I think that the rules didn't apply to me and that it didn't matter I'd been there longer, I deliberately didn't raise my voice but simply stated there are no 'rules' and I was entitled to park there, he then changed tact to yelling 'move your car' at me which I replied once to to say no, he then started saying 'well you might find your car blocked in when you come back ' by this time I was unloading my bag out the car and just said if that was the case I would get the security team involved when I returned to my car. I was shaking a bit at this point as felt quite vulnerable with my young baby in the back of the car too but focussed on not raising my voice or escalating the situation, and when it became apparent I wasn't moving (or he saw me get the buggy out, not sure which) he eventually got back in his car and continued driving round with everyone else. When I came back to the car after my appointment he was parked a few cars down.

I'm now wondering though if I was unreasonable and while I know there's no enforceable rules, have I broken car park etiquette? Surely if it was a thing that you followed people from the entrance, everyone would wait at the entrance to the car park and then drive in when they had a returner to follow?! Obviously if I had seen him waiting or he was already stationary when I got there it would have been different, but I also saw them returning to the car and was there first, even if I had seen him making his way to the space it would have been impossible to know that's where he was heading and not the exit from another space, surely it's just bad luck on his part (in the same way it was bad luck when I drove past a space only for them to pull out and the person who was behind me in the car park got it within seconds of them entering the car park)

So was I unreasonable? I've attached a diagram to try and show the layout if it helps at all!

Should I have moved my car? Parking thread!
OP posts:
thewinterwitch · 14/12/2022 12:53

Shame on him, the shameless bastard. I'm glad you stood your ground.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/12/2022 12:55

Your space and you handled it really well. I would have lost my temper.

SnowlayRoundabout · 14/12/2022 13:07

The only rule is first come first served, so on that basis it was clearly your space. It's really unpleasant that he tried to bully you out of it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2022 13:13

MrsMontyD · 14/12/2022 12:28

Good for you standing your ground, he's a nasty man who thinks he can tell women what to do. Absolutely 100% he wouldn't have tried it with a man.

I had someone try similar with me, when me and my mother got out of the car in a perfectly synchronised manoeuvre to ask his problem he quickly scuttled off.

This

Bluekerfuffle · 14/12/2022 13:26

What an idiot, making up rules and expecting everyone else to magically know them and follow them. If there is any rule, it should be that out of two people near a space, the one waiting longer gets the space.

Waspie · 14/12/2022 13:34

YANBU. My reply would have been either "fuck off dick brain" or "I understand, I just don't care" depending on whether he'd made me angry. You could probably report his aggressive behaviour to the hospital reception.

I hope you are okay.

LG93 · 14/12/2022 13:35

I'm glad it's pretty unanimous! At the time I was certain I was right but I tend to overthink and so was second guessing myself. I won't give him anymore headspace now, but I'm glad he gave me an opportunity to use some stationary and that this was appreciated by you guys 🥰

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 14/12/2022 13:44

The guy was wrong for a number of reasons, not least for being threatening and abusive to a woman with a baby. You were waiting and indicating first and he simply tried to bully you. He's wrong, wrong, wrong and an ocean going, copper bottomed, cast iron, gold plated wanker.

mainsfed · 14/12/2022 13:48

He picked on you because you are a woman. If you were a big strapping man he wouldn't have said boo to a goose.

QuinkWashable · 14/12/2022 13:52

There are no rules in a carpark.. you were perfectly reasonable, and handled it brilliantly.

Plus your diagram is top-notch.

SarahAndQuack · 14/12/2022 14:03

Some people are just dicks. I doing something similar when I was in my early twenties and a much older man and his wife yelled at me and tried to intimidate me over it, and it really frightened me.

SinnerBoy · 14/12/2022 14:05

SarahAndQuack · Today 14:03

Some people are just dicks.

Yup, unfortunately.

Mumsanetta · 14/12/2022 14:09

Excellent diagram and well done for standing your ground without escalating.

Brainfogmcfogface · 14/12/2022 14:36

Nah totally your space, pay it no kore
mind and know he was a total twunt.

whowantssmore · 14/12/2022 14:55

It was definitely your space, he was totally in the wrong. What is it about parking spaces that make usually rational people lose their minds?. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I parked up in the space & a woman came up to the window shouting & swearing 🤬 🤬. When we made eye contact I realised it was one of my kids teachers. She quickly tried to change track & pretend she was joking. It was very odd. My kids still talk about it now ' remember when Mrs teacher called you a stupid bitch mum!

PolkaDotMankini · 14/12/2022 15:17

Did you use a ruler to draw those parking spaces? That's next-level diagramming 👏

YANBU. I have a lot less patience than you and would have told him to F off a lot earlier in the conversation.

vivainsomnia · 14/12/2022 15:24

Sometimes, in those circumstances, it's really not very clear who was there first. He was coming from the side so it is very possible you didn't see him and he didn't see you.

That has happened to me and when it does, I just relent because I can't be bothered to battle and argue that I'm right and the're wrong, and instead, usually find another space anyway.

Unless it was obvious but you chose not to see him, he had to accept that it came down to your or his space and just moved on.

SinnerBoy · 14/12/2022 15:33

When we made eye contact I realised it was one of my kids teachers. She quickly tried to change track & pretend she was joking. It was very odd. My kids still talk about it now ' remember when Mrs teacher called you a stupid bitch mum!

Oh, excellent!

SinnerBoy · 14/12/2022 15:34

vivainsomnia · Today 15:24

Sometimes, in those circumstances, it's really not very clear who was there first. He was coming from the side so it is very possible you didn't see him and he didn't see you.

That may be true, but he had absolutely no excuse to behave as he did. Sometimes, you just have to wait.

Americano75 · 14/12/2022 15:38

You handled that so well! Good for you, you were absolutely in the right.

blacksax · 14/12/2022 15:42

He wouldn't have spoken to you like that if you were a burly bloke, would he? Sexist prick, intimidating a woman. I hate men like this.

You were there first, it was your space.

Clymene · 14/12/2022 16:19

vivainsomnia · 14/12/2022 15:24

Sometimes, in those circumstances, it's really not very clear who was there first. He was coming from the side so it is very possible you didn't see him and he didn't see you.

That has happened to me and when it does, I just relent because I can't be bothered to battle and argue that I'm right and the're wrong, and instead, usually find another space anyway.

Unless it was obvious but you chose not to see him, he had to accept that it came down to your or his space and just moved on.

She said his car appeared after she has started waiting for the space. They made eye contact.

Did you actually read the post?

Trisolaris · 14/12/2022 16:46

I had a really odd one the other day. I was very obviously just about to drive into a space that was one of a row of two, both empty. Some idiot on the other side of the car park decided to drive through the empty space on the other side and take my space so they could drive straight out once they were finished! So petty. Naturally I just drove around the car park and went in the other space but the selfishness really pissed me off.

LG93 · 14/12/2022 19:10

PolkaDotMankini · 14/12/2022 15:17

Did you use a ruler to draw those parking spaces? That's next-level diagramming 👏

YANBU. I have a lot less patience than you and would have told him to F off a lot earlier in the conversation.

I did! My freehand lines are abysmal so thought I'd better make an effort!!

OP posts:
sargeantskone · 14/12/2022 19:47

Well I can only imagine what my husband would of said to him if he’d tried that with him!
well done on staying calm, I hate men that think they can intimidate women just because they think they are superior!