To not want brother over for Christmas

[Spicynoodle]

AIBU to not want my brother over for Christmas?

Brother is 27 and lives at home with my dad (70). He's currently off work for some mental health issues which he is talking to a councellor about. However he has a temper when he gets annoyed culminating last night in him grabbing hold of my dad and shoving him and texting my mum saying "if he mithers me again in the next 30 mins I'm going to knife him".

Dad is OK but keeping well clear. I do believe it was probably said in the heat of the moment but can I trust him not to snap and do something crazy? Probably not. I have a 4 month old dd so don't want him anywhere near her now. We are hosting Christmas at ours and my mum will be devastated to leave him out but I have to think of my baby, that's not something you can just say and take back. I've been up all night worrying and don't know how to help him get the help he needs. I'm so worried for my dad in the same house as him. What can I do? Any suggestions?

I think you need to safeguard your parents and report it to the police. Threats to harm are serious.

You need to report it to the police.

There's nothing more pathetic than adult men living with their elderly parents (apart from if they're carers). Absolutely useless malingerers.

No I wouldn’t have him in my house either. But it would be my parents I would be worrying about here.

You are right to be worried.

Is he an incel too? He needs to learn to control his temper and move out.

Your poor Dad.

You need to report this to Adult Social Service as a concern. Your DF is obviously living in dear on his own home.

Yanbu but tell your mum you understand she might disagree and want to choose to see him separately. Free her up to make her own decision. The consequences of his actions will help him engage with therapy and change so do what you need to do to safeguard your family.

Yeah I'm with the "he needs to be reported", crew.

Heaven forbid mental health issues blight men, eh? You're one of the reasons there is a stigma.

@RambamThankyouMam
There are other reasons grown men live with their parents, not all are malingerers

I wouldn't want him in the house either. A potential danger to all of you. However this could be used as a catalyst for him getting the help he needs - especially if this behaviour is massively out of character. It should not be minimised or ignored. You need to safeguard your family.

As oppressed to their elderly father who they threaten to stab? Yes, they should. No excuse for that kind of behaviour, no one should be forced to live with being terrorised in their own home.

I wouldn’t have him in my house either OP.

*opposed

Don’t have him in your house. You’re wrongly focussing on the baby though, everyone is at risk from someone behaving like this. He threatened to murder your father. Call the police.

YANBU

I think focusing on the baby rather than your dad is a mistake though. He threatened to knife him, he grabbed him. Your dad is not safe.

I'd be reporting as well and strongly encouraging your dad to get him out of the house. Absolutely despicable behaviour on your brothers half. Mental health problems are never an excuse for threatening or harming others.

Never mind not having him over for Christmas, I fear for your poor father!
Your dad(and no one else) should not be in the same place with this man as he is dangerous!

*fear

Report to the Police

How difficult for you Op, your DM isn't going to want to leave her DS alone at Christmas, but I can see why you don't want your DB near your DC.
Parents are always going to worry about their DC, even though he's a grown man, but that doesn't mean your DF should have to tolerate a home life where he's threatened with violence by your DB. Yes, clearly your DB has MH issues but you wouldn't tolerate that behaviour from anyone else in a relationship.
Does your DB have any kind of therapy or counselling or are your DP's struggling alomng alone?

As others have said, he needs reporting to the police because he threatened to harm your Dad.

Please report to police. Someone needs to stand up for your dad.

Yes. I agree. I don’t care how non-PC etc it sounds but there is always something lacking in an adult who is still living with older parents. Male or female, but especially male.

It’s an obvious comment but to threaten to ‘knife’ somebody is extremely serious. Please report him to professionals.