AIBU to be irritated by anonymous notes from neighbour?

[TinfoilTwat]

I live in the suburbs. About 6 gardens back onto ours, and another 6 on the cul-de-sac. Every once in a while I get a spidery handwritten note in my letterbox, "Dear Neighbour..." and it goes on to tell me that I have an invasive species of plant growing in one of my trees and explains how and why I should remove it, signed "Your Neighbour"

Now I don't mind being told I have an invasive species in my garden and I quite happily removed it. But for some reason it really pisses me off that it's done anonymously. Why not just say "From Bob and Barbara at number 7"??

I got another one today, "Dear Neighbour... I'm sorry to tell you that your invasive plant has come back..." and apparently I need to dig it out at the root this time. "Signed, Your Neighbour".

Also they get the name of the plant wrong - they say Milkweed when they mean Mothweed.

AIBU to feel annoyed by these anonymous notes?

Not sure it applies, but we got one in our tiny appartement flats common parking space, very bold plain sight.
Really dramatic one saying I witnessed from my ground flat the police arriving in our parking, I was so panicked and still am, I’m desperate to know if there is any safety risk, someone please reassure me. I saw them leaving a good hour later, that seems so long and not reassuring doesn’t it ? Something along those lines, you get the general tone.

Bit of background : my mum is psychologically fragile, I’ve been living with her here since September. She does tend to fall easily into scams. As she’s ill, she doesn’t have a car so her parking space is unused. This neighbor who posted the note apparently ‘befriended’ her and convinced her to rent her the parking space for a tiny sum (think 20 vs 200/month). Another neighbor told me this recently, to put a stop to it, so I told her to. Obviously neighbor was aghast.

All this to say : several of the neighbors, including my mum, have perfectly normal interactions, they’re nice, they try to support, they mind their own businesses. It was so obvious that they came because she was in a crisis (suicidal ideation, never violent or anything, has happened several times previously). Ambulances were way overbooked and police happened to be in the neighborhood. Other neighbors reacted as if nothing happened (she’s mortified when it does, so they tend to wait a couple of days before sending a little Hi how are u btw message). But now she’s not coping well at all with this note. She didn’t even take it down, it’s the other neighbor who had told me about the parking space situation who did and messaged me about it and should he contact her. I have no clue, she just confirmed she’d seen it when I asked. Fwiw none of the neighbors care in the slightest as they know there’s no violence/substances/etc, she just can’t seem to see it.

Sorry, that was very long ! So yes, anonymous neighbors letters can really suck…

PS: AIBU ? Surely even if she did have a doubt, all you need to do is step out and ask the officers if there’s anything you should be concerned about, just like when you see a fire engine or an ambulance ?

Yeah maybe annoying, but some people are afraid of confrontation (also description of writing makes them sound perhaps elderly?), it probably really bothers them but they are too scared to tell you

PS: AIBU ? Surely even if she did have a doubt, all you need to do is step out and ask the officers if there’s anything you should be concerned about, just like when you see a fire engine or an ambulance ? If you see a fire engine or ambulance you leave them to it. You don't go nosing in.

Agreed! I meant when she saw them leave.

Perhaps they just want to make you aware, and find you too intimidating to address personally? Or perhaps they aren’t 100% sure that it’s your plant and therefore don’t want to rock the boat? There are all sorts of stories on here about nightmare neighbours, perhaps they’d just like the point to be made without the risk of you telling them to fuck off. Once I had to put a note on a nearby car whose alarm kept going off. I considered signing it anonymously in case they got annoyed and bricked my windows but was brave and it was ok. This would probably annoy me to be honest but perhaps they’re frightened of things escalating and just hope you’ll deal with it. There is a house near me whose hedge blocks the pavement most of the year, they seem ok but I probably wouldn’t approach them over it as they clearly can see that it’s a problem but can’t be arsed to deal with it.

They’re overwhelmed enough as it is, I personally never do ask because I trust they’d say so if something was my business indirectly, and I’d hate the thought of delaying the arrival to the next person in need

Spidery writing makes me think its some old person nervous to confront you but nervous the plant will move into their garden. Wouldn't annoy me I'd just deal with it.

PS: Sorry, I’m new to the forum, I feel like my answer was only half pertinent ? Maybe should have asked elsewhere ?

No once they leave you let them leave.

Bloody ageist nonsense. It’s more likely to be one of the fragile flowers who won’t open their front doors whose go to is anonymous notes if MN is anything to go by.

You're not in the UK are you? Not familiar with mothweed...

Yes, anonymous notes are very irritating and a bit cowardly, I'd be annoyed about that. But I'd be more annoyed with people who have problem plants in their garden and just leave them to spread to neighbouring plots. Nobody needs more hassle!

I would have to get a Ring doorbell just to find out who it is....

I used to get these in spidery writing complaining that my hedge was hanging into the road. It was actually my neighbour’s hedge but I couldn’t correct them as they were anonymous.
It used to make me alight that they signed it, a tenant - ad if it was important for me t8 know their status as a renter.

That’s what I personally do, they have better stuff to do than chat with about none of my business imo!!
But as English isn’t my first language, just to make sure I understood your response, do you find her message more appropriate then? Fwiw they have a common whatsapp so a quick message on there at the time saying is everyone ok / does anyone need anything may have been more pertinent than a huge black text in the middle of the garage next day ? I don’t know

Laugh not alight

That’s what I personally do, they have better stuff to do than chat with me about none of my business imo!!
But as English isn’t my first language, just to make sure I understood your response, do you find her message more appropriate then? Fwiw they have a common whatsapp so a quick message on there at the time saying is everyone ok / does anyone need anything may have been more pertinent than a huge black text in the middle of the garage next day ? I don’t know

YABU. Unless you know a neighbour is going to be fine being asked to keep control of their plants, then it's a big risk being open with them. Many people hate being "told what to do" or asked to modify their behaviour, and can make neighbours' lives hell if they even dare hint at that. Falling out with neighbours must be awful, which is why anonymous notes are often suggested on here. How well do you know your neighbours?

Also, truthfully, how much effort have you put into dealing with this mothweed? A lot, or are you a bit more on the relaxed side? That also makes a difference to how neighbours might approach you.

Keep the notes and write the date on them when they arrived.

This may come in handy later if the neighbour progresses beyond letters to harrassment.

I had an anonymous note through once from "a neighbour" accusing me of something I hadnt even done. It annoyed the fck out of me because it was anonymous so I couldnt discuss it like grown up and explain that I had not done what they thought I had done. I think its cowardly, interfering and very passive aggressive. I could understand not wanting to confront anti social or aggressive neighbours (eg who do drugs/play loud music at 3am every night or shout and argue all the time) but the majority of people are reasonable and simply getting on with their lives. If the matter is so important to you that you take the effort to continually write snarky notes then either speak to them calmly in person or just jog on.

This is one of the many reasons why I'm against anonymous notes. Any value there may or may not have been in the message is eclipsed by the anonymity. If you are going to take it on yourself to interfere with someone else's life, for God's sake have the guts and decency to do it as yourself, or else forebear.

EXACTLY.

@Blossomtoes I've reported the ageism. Hopefully the ageist poster will be deleted.

Doesn’t moth weed also go by the name milkweed? Isn’t it very damaging?

The neighbour is apprehensive that you are going to start a fight and they think they can avoid that by sending the note anonymously.

Is this the plant that traps and poisons Monarch butterflies? Your neighbours are annoying and cowardly, but you would be doing a good thing to get rid of the plant altogether.