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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say stuff it and not go!

31 replies

Hoheyho · 13/12/2022 06:57

Little bit of background I've always had a slightly complex relationship with my brother.
We were very close when we were younger but as time has gone on we have drifted apart and then a family fall out meant we didnt speak for a few years.
Due to the passing of our mum we patched things up. However he does always want things on his terms. If we meet up its local to his home or at his home ,never at mine or my other siblings. Basically we are expected to go there.
At xmas myself and sibling have tried to arrange to meet up with him . Hes asked us to his new house over an hours drive away in the middle of nowhere down some pretty ropey country roads.
Then said my older sibling and her son can stay but myself my husband and 1 DC (only 5)have to drive home. For further context my other sibling lives at the opposite end of the country so whilst shes here she stays with me.
I'm really quite hurt by this, we all have similar size homes(2 bed) but for one night I feel we could just of crashed in sitting room etc.
AIBU to think no stuff it I'm not putting myself out?

OP posts:
Tirrrrred · 13/12/2022 07:01

An hour isn't far.

Original poster
Hoheyho · 13/12/2022 07:08

It's more the different treatment I'm receiving.I wouldnt invite people then say one had to leave and one could stay. Especially if they were in the same house !

OP posts:
Tirrrrred · 13/12/2022 07:10

Maybe its as you say you live closer.

Lots of families do not speak. Is it really worth falling out?

Thatiswild · 13/12/2022 07:12

I think you’re being unreasonable. I understand how you feel but in a 2 bed house two extra families is a lot when you only live an hour away, just drive home, you’ll be much more comfortable aswell. I think because of all the history you may be more sensitive to the disparity but if you don’t go then prepare for a big fall out again.

WeWereInParis · 13/12/2022 07:13

Surely the different treatment is because your other sibling lives much further away? If he's only got a two bedroom house, and you only live an hour away I don't think he's being unreasonable.

seven201 · 13/12/2022 07:14

You live an hour away so can easily drive home, other sibling can't easily drive home. There's no way I'd want 3 families staying in a 2 bed!

thewayround · 13/12/2022 07:16

Op

You have patched things up after your mums passing

your never going to be close

But no need to actively pursue tension

go. See your family. Come home and enjoy getting in to your own bed rather than three of you kipping in his lounge.

thewayround · 13/12/2022 07:16

How old is your nephew?

Merlott · 13/12/2022 07:16

Have you directly asked him in plain English if you can sleep in the living room?

This should be a 2 way conversation not one person dictating to the other.

thewayround · 13/12/2022 07:17

Oh fgs I missed that your sibling lives many hours away

Op. On the basis of this, quite honestly I doubt you’ll be missed if you do indeed say “stuff it”

Theunamedcat · 13/12/2022 07:19

Is your sibling supposed to be staying with you that night?

Cite the road conditions and say let's get together easter

liarliarshortsonfire · 13/12/2022 07:19

It honestly sounds like he's offered your sibling a room because she lives at the other end of the country and couldn't drive home. You on the other had could do, it's only an hour away. I can definitely see his logic and I don't think he's being unfair here

Original poster
Hoheyho · 13/12/2022 07:19

Just for clarity my other sibling is staying with me during Xmas, shes not going to brothers house from her home down the country. She will be gpi g to DB from mine and then coming back to mine. Nephew is 19.
I havent asked directly as I suppose I would just presume if people had come over at night to see me they would stay. Kind of the way our family has always worked.

OP posts:
thewayround · 13/12/2022 07:21

So she’s not staying the night?

Original poster
Hoheyho · 13/12/2022 07:21

@thewayround sibling who lives hours away is staying with me . She is only commuting between my home and brothers then back to my home. She is not driving from her home directly there !

OP posts:
thewayround · 13/12/2022 07:21

I wouldn’t want my 5 year old kipping in the lounge over Xmas.

Added to which, means everyone has to go to bed when he does

Anewhoo · 13/12/2022 07:26

thewayround · 13/12/2022 07:21

I wouldn’t want my 5 year old kipping in the lounge over Xmas.

Added to which, means everyone has to go to bed when he does

Yes, exactly this. I don’t think your brother is being unreasonable, an hour drive away is nothing!!!

frazzledasarock · 13/12/2022 07:31

If you don’t want to go, and you sound fed up and like you don’t.

tell him you’ll see him some other time, and stay home and enjoy your Xmas.

I'm getting to the point where I’m seriously considering being away next year as I want to rest over the Xmas period.

lanthanum · 13/12/2022 07:46

If there are five of you travelling from yours to his, wouldn't you all be going in one car, and therefore it makes sense for you all to do the same thing.
What does your sister want to do? Problem solved if she says "we're staying with hoheyho, so no need for you to get your spare room made up as well" or "we'll all be coming in the one car, so unless hoheyho and son can kip in the lounge, we'll need to head home with them".

Sparkletastic · 13/12/2022 08:02

Why do you need to stay? Is it actually on Christmas Day that you are meeting up? If so just arrange a different date. Wouldn't you rather be in own bed for the night than on someone's living room floor?

pinkpotatoez · 13/12/2022 08:09

An hour is not far at all?

Balloonsandroses · 13/12/2022 08:13

It honestly wouldn’t occur to me to invite someone to stay if it meant sleeping on the floor if they lived an hours drive away. But if you don’t want to go, don’t go!

2pinkginsplease · 13/12/2022 08:21

If I was travelling only an hour to visit someone I wouldn’t be expecting to stay over I would expect to be going back home. An hour isn’t far.

are you and your sister travelling together, is there any need for her to stay over?

I suppose it depends on how much you want a relationship with your siblings as to whether you decide to stay or go.

YellowTreeHouse · 13/12/2022 08:21

YABU and trying to create family tension where there needn’t be any.

NoDairyNoProblem · 13/12/2022 08:24

Does your brother perhaps want a night to catch up with other sister and nephew (like you are getting when they stay with you?).

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