Resign or request change of role

[Nutrellabiscuitsaredelish]

I'm a long time poster but I've name changed so as not to be outing.

I'm currently on maternity leave and due to return to work at the start of July next year.

I'm 41 and this is my first child. We tried for years and had multiple fertility treatments to get here.

I work in a Big 4 firm in a client facing role and am a senior manager. The job itself is very demanding and is definitely not a 9-5 - more like an 8 am - 10 pm much of the time.

I had originally planned to return 3 days a week although I've long worried how this would even work. I WFH but I can't just get up and leave at "finish time" to go somewhere. If someone needs a report finished, or for me to join a call then I just have to flex to do that. I think being part time and strictly leaving at the same time everyday to collect the baby will be pretty much impossible and I would hazard a strong guess that I will need to log back on once I've collected DC most days.

We live in a very rural area and have no family close by. My husband is self employed and works all over so his home time varies everyday, as does his leave time in the mornings.

We are fortunate that DH has a long term new contract that is very well paid. It's enough to cover all of our bills and we would still have a good disposable income. I am an equal partner in the business and deal with the paperwork, accounts, vat returns, payroll, tax returns, insurances, etc.

I've been 95% set that I will resign from my job and concentrate on DC and what I usually do for the partnership, until DC starts school. I had also thought of advertising and trying to start up my own business offering professional services in my area of work.

However, I'm struggling to make the final decision. My current role is well paid but I enjoy the benefits of where I work (cash in extra benefit, pension, private medical, bonus, etc). To be honest, I'm also proud to say I work there and have got myself to senior manager level given that I left school at 16, completely changed career later on and have now worked my way up and through professional qualifications.

I'm now wondering if I should explore changing my role within the firm to something that is non client facing. I have a good relationship with one of the senior leaders of the firm and am thinking of requesting a call with them to explore this idea. I would likely have to take a pay cut but I should be able to stay at SM level so the pro-rata salary should still be good. I just have no idea what else I could do as my role currently is very specialised so it would need to be some kind of non technical role.

If I could be 3 days a week, decent salary/package and much less stressful role, I think this would be a good outcome. I would have some time to myself (so to speak) and DC would have the benefit of socialising at nursery. Perhaps working Monday, Wednesday and Friday so it's not overwhelming for DC and also I get time to do what I need to for our own partnership/life admin/house stuff.

It's crazy because if someone had told me a year ago that I could quit my job, I'd have felt like I had won the jackpot. Now that this is a reality, I'm really struggling to "press the button". I'm a bit reluctant to contact the senior leader as they are very busy and dealing with much more important stuff but it's probably my best avenue to the outcome that would be ideal.

Thoughts? (Sorry this was long, if you even made it this far)

If you leave the company, would you have to pay back some of your maternity package?

I would def speak to senior leader - it's hard to make a decision about resigning without having explored all options first. Good luck!

No, I checked this out a few weeks ago with HR. Nothing would be repayable. I do have a company car (I pay for it out of my extra benefit that you can either cash in as extra salary or take a car) but the lease ends in February and I've already sorted another car so that I'm not tied to the firm if I leave.

You should absolutely ask, you literally have nothing to loose.

Congratulations! What a lovely position to be in. Many years ago I faced a similar dilemma. I gave up work completely and though I don't regret the time I spent at home with my DC, I think if I had the time over again I would have gone PT rather than leaving entirely.
I have since rejoined my career but have never achieved the same level that I was at previously.

Thanks for the advice so far.

I do agree that I have nothing to lose by asking, and even if I can change my role, I can leave at anytime if I want so I am very fortunate.

I'm worried at how I will cope either way to be honest. I'm finding being a FTM hard but of course I love it. We also would like to try for another baby very soon. Chances will be low of course but you never know.

Baby is now almost 5 months old and I've no idea how people manage to leave the house early for nursery drop offs and be ready for work! The thought just stresses me out but I know that as baby gets older it will get easier (or harder?!).

I'd explore your options with current employer as you suggest. I had my son at 43 and thought I'd be happy to give up work. I realised after a year of Mat leave that I needed to be back in the workplace at least part time for my own sanity. We had an amazing private nursery locally which my son loved. I did 4 days per week in my first year back and then went back to FT.

Can you afford a nanny? I think that would be the only way you could make your current role work at all.

Nothing to lose by asking - flexible working, work/life balance/family/mental health are still such hot topics combined with a focus on DEI & in most organisations they'd be moving mountains to keep a senior female manager & find a suitable role. (Maybe a secondment or a project for 2-3 years?)

I think it’s worth a try having a conversation with the senior person. You’ve nothing to lose. I get that you’re proud to say you do what you do - and quite rightly! Remember that this is only for a few years, so there may be opportunities of a temporary reduction of hours for a few years; or a completely different role, which you haven’t even thought of!
Good luck.

It depends on which specific Big 4 firm, role and office (i.e. more information than you should be prepared to share publicly!), but it can work unless you're in one of those particularly toxic teams. I've seen women at manager grade upwards make part-time work for them in the Big 4 - it actually helps that you have a child and thus a reason to have boundaries. People are more likely to respect you having non-working days if you have what they think this is a legit reason to not force you to work on your days off.

I'd say you need some careful thought as to what part-time means, and what would work best for your team, and for your childcare arrangements. What would you do in busy season? Could you temporarily work more hours then, or would that screw over your childcare arrangements?

It sounds like you worked your way up to SM at the Big 4 and have retrained on an apprenticeship route - no matter what you do now, no one can take that away from you. It will be obvious in your resilience, your breadth of technical knowledge... and lack of university debt. ;)

I wish you the best of luck in making this decision. Personally, I'd like to see you stay in your job and make it all the way up to partner level (there are not enough women at partner level), but you don't have to carry the expectations of all women with you and keep fighting the good fight for all of us. If what's right for you is resigning and stepping out of the game - do it.

PS You're clearly happy at being a new mum, so congratulations on your baby, and I'm delighted you're doing well.

It’s always better to stay employed if at all possible, both financially and for your own well-being.

As an aside though, aren’t you getting crippled with tax on your company car and private medical? Do you declare both on your P11d? When I had these, I was paying about £4,000 a year in tax.

Were you doing all that you describe for your husband's/ the family business when you were also working full time 8 am to 10pm?
If yea, how on earth did you fit that in, essentially working two jobs?

I work in prof services in a non client- facing role, and combine that with caring for my son, who I had in my forties after fertility treatment...
My experience is that work does keep you sane and also that a good employer will recognise your value to them as a loyal, experienced employee and will pull out the stops to keep you. Don't underestimate your worth. I work part time, 4 days a week now my son is at school, but I used to do three. My top tip is that you should specify a hard finish on all but one of your working days, but have one day a week when your partner takes 100% responsibility for the child so you can work as late as you need to. Set that day in stone and on the odd occasion when you don't have to work late, use that evening to go out and do something you enjoy!

Can’t help with the role but if you do work part time don’t work Monday and Friday if your work is closed bank holidays.

Bank holidays will be pro-rata and you gain time if it’s not your working day, but you’ll lose time if you do.

Definitely speak to your firm. Part-time sounds like a good option. Some Big4 companies have well established Returner programmes so find out about that too, if you do decide to quit now is there a path back?

At a certain point in time you might start craving your professional life again. But it is honestly very hard if you are poor at protecting your work-life balance.

It sounds like a nanny would suit you well, or an excellent daycare facility. It gets vastly easier when the kids are about 10 and can walk themselves to school and home again. Each year until that age it gets easier and easier.

talk to your employer. The Big 4 are very keen on being flexible as they need to be. I think you have unwittingly absorbed some of the biases "If someone needs a report finished, or for me to join a call then I just have to flex to do that" - you don't have to do this - what you actually need to do is have clear boundaries that you cannot move but also proactively manage the requirements rather than passively wait for work

It's a difficult choice. I have always preferred to work. My experience is that managing childcare gets harder, not easier, when children start school. Nurseries have much longer opening hours than school and wrap around care, and they don't close in the school holidays.

Someone mentioned a nanny. That might be worth investigating more thoroughly. Also perhaps look into an unpaid sabbatical from work? Another year at home might give you better headspace to make a decision.

You are still on mat leave. You don't have anything to lose by returning to your old job and giving it a crack. So I would wait until you've given it a go before making any drastic decisions.

I also think you need to ask yourself what might happen if you suddenly had to become financially independent again. As much as we plan ahead, sometimes unexpected things can happen.

You also say your job is well paid. Is it better paid than someone would be to do the work you do on your DH's business? If the amount of time you are spending on sorting his admin and finances is a factor, wouldn't you be better off to hire someone to do this and for you to keep your job? Have you also considered in buying in other help, eg. a cleaner or au pair, to enable you to continue in your job?

Lastly, surely there are more choices than the ones you've outlined here. Even if an alternative role isn't available in your current company, are there other roles you could do that are more "9-5" in other companies?

If you.do.go part.time (would definitely be.my recommendation, keep yourself relevant, pension contributions, difficult to get back into wokr.after a long gap etc) don't work mondays and Fridays because you'll be stitched up on the bank holidays. Also tends to be better for DC to have a stretch in/with childcare rather than alternating days. Also better for you to have a few days in work getting stuff done rather than getting stuck in one day, off the next, losing momentum

And mine. I worked part-time after first child and found it fine.

I kept working as people kept saying "it'll be hard doing what you do to get back in" and my lessons are-
(1) 4 days means 6 days aka full time so if you are going part time, it has to be 3 days
(2) Like someone said above, you need to be regimented about your own hours and brush off comments and somewhat swallow your pride (which there will be in that environment)
(3) that I felt insanely guilty working and it was hard every single day. I would rather have been at home.

In your shoes, and knowing how flexible those organisations are wanting to be seen as, I'd request a further one year / six month sabbatical. By which point, maybe, you might even be pregnant again (fingers crossed).

You say your DH is self employed. I appreciate he has a new contract but when the chips are down, contractors are the first thing to let go. Given the state of the world at the moment I think it would be a massive risk.

I was a nanny many years ago living in. I third the nanny. I worked about 8-6 with a rare overnight that was weather dependent. We were rural-ish but close enough that I could push the pram into the small town and get to the pub in the evening if I wanted.

I would also have a hard look at your living arrangements. Rural is lovely but is it practical for the next ten years? Would selling and moving to another, larger house on the outskirts of a town tick more boxes? Now doesn’t seem to be the time for living the dream but pragmatic practicality is required.

If it's one of the Big Four do they not (theoretically) have some policies in place re working more flexibly for people that have families or other caring commitments? I work in a big city law firm so similar re client facing / the reality of the hours I work but more and more people (mainly women) in my firm are coming back from maternity on a variety of different fixed working patterns - eg Mon-Fri but 9-5, or 3/4 days a week. The reason I said theoretically in brackets though is I do see some colleagues who despite being client facing yet having fixed hours are clearly working beyond and outside of those hours. So it's definitely far from perfect and needs to improve but I think the company is at least trying to make it possible to achieve a family life too. So worth discussing at any rate with your employer?
Good luck OP!

Thanks everyone for all of the advice and suggestions.

I think I will speak to the senior leader and see what they say.

A nanny isn't something I want. I wasn't very clear, but I don't want my old working life anymore. It suited me at the time (well, it actually annoyed me - especially when heavily pregnant and getting calls late into the evening).

I want to still work but I don't want a role that takes over my life. I want my main focus to be being a mum.

We live a couple of miles from a small village, and 10 miles from a large town. However, my job is so specialised that there simply aren't jobs in it anywhere other than the big 4 or large industry. In industry, I don't know of any that would require someone that does what I do anywhere remotely near here. We live 100 miles away from a city and I work for a team in London but don't live anywhere near London.

If I left this big 4, my only option to stay in my field would be to join another big 4, and I won't do that as it would be out of the frying pan and into the fire with no leverage.

I see my only options as completely changing my role or leaving.

100% explore your options. The world is a different place now. I am a similar level to you in a professional role. It always used to be up or out but i think that has changed. Tou may well be surprised at what can be out together for you particularly if you are a valued team member. I've recently been through the recruitment process and everywhere was offering hybrid and flexible. In fact, I would say you should be going for promotion (but part time).