Resign or request change of role

[Nutrellabiscuitsaredelish]

I'm a long time poster but I've name changed so as not to be outing.

I'm currently on maternity leave and due to return to work at the start of July next year.

I'm 41 and this is my first child. We tried for years and had multiple fertility treatments to get here.

I work in a Big 4 firm in a client facing role and am a senior manager. The job itself is very demanding and is definitely not a 9-5 - more like an 8 am - 10 pm much of the time.

I had originally planned to return 3 days a week although I've long worried how this would even work. I WFH but I can't just get up and leave at "finish time" to go somewhere. If someone needs a report finished, or for me to join a call then I just have to flex to do that. I think being part time and strictly leaving at the same time everyday to collect the baby will be pretty much impossible and I would hazard a strong guess that I will need to log back on once I've collected DC most days.

We live in a very rural area and have no family close by. My husband is self employed and works all over so his home time varies everyday, as does his leave time in the mornings.

We are fortunate that DH has a long term new contract that is very well paid. It's enough to cover all of our bills and we would still have a good disposable income. I am an equal partner in the business and deal with the paperwork, accounts, vat returns, payroll, tax returns, insurances, etc.

I've been 95% set that I will resign from my job and concentrate on DC and what I usually do for the partnership, until DC starts school. I had also thought of advertising and trying to start up my own business offering professional services in my area of work.

However, I'm struggling to make the final decision. My current role is well paid but I enjoy the benefits of where I work (cash in extra benefit, pension, private medical, bonus, etc). To be honest, I'm also proud to say I work there and have got myself to senior manager level given that I left school at 16, completely changed career later on and have now worked my way up and through professional qualifications.

I'm now wondering if I should explore changing my role within the firm to something that is non client facing. I have a good relationship with one of the senior leaders of the firm and am thinking of requesting a call with them to explore this idea. I would likely have to take a pay cut but I should be able to stay at SM level so the pro-rata salary should still be good. I just have no idea what else I could do as my role currently is very specialised so it would need to be some kind of non technical role.

If I could be 3 days a week, decent salary/package and much less stressful role, I think this would be a good outcome. I would have some time to myself (so to speak) and DC would have the benefit of socialising at nursery. Perhaps working Monday, Wednesday and Friday so it's not overwhelming for DC and also I get time to do what I need to for our own partnership/life admin/house stuff.

It's crazy because if someone had told me a year ago that I could quit my job, I'd have felt like I had won the jackpot. Now that this is a reality, I'm really struggling to "press the button". I'm a bit reluctant to contact the senior leader as they are very busy and dealing with much more important stuff but it's probably my best avenue to the outcome that would be ideal.

Thoughts? (Sorry this was long, if you even made it this far)

I think side step is something defiantly worth exploring.

I think you should speak to your colleague/manager, but change the context to reflect what you've said here...

What I'm reading is that you weren't enjoying your role so much lately, and the break from the office allowed you to reflect and realise that you have gone as far as you want in the role/area you were in.

You'd love to explore other opportunities for career progression within the organisation. You'd like to talk about where your strengths and interests lie, and what projects or roles are coming up that you could apply for.

Big firms usually have lots of different ways you can go - and some even have an in-house career coaching service to help you identify a good fit. Retaining good people is usually a high priority, and they generally put a lot of effort into making sure sideways moves are encouraged at any stage.

(Of course, you'd also like to have firmer boundaries around work hours. And possibly work a shorter week. But that's almost secondary to the discussion)

I'm also senior similar age and I think I'd feel a bit lost, and like I've bailed a bit early if I did it now.

I think you should juggle and see how your current role actually works, and then ask about alternatives, but I'd give it a few months as you maybe able to cope.

I think you should explore options where you are but be prepared to leave if what’s offered doesn’t suit you.

The other thing is that you can feel very different about going back to work at 12 months compared to 5.

At 5 months I wanted to quit and couldn't imagine being able to juggle it all. At 9 I was keen to get back.

Not saying that it isn't worth changing tack as those hours do sound really tough but I wouldn't rush into any decisions of you aren't due back until July.

Career advice here. Do not take a step back to a less responsible role. It's career suicide. You will confirm everything negative they think about working women/ mothers. Your career will never recover from that. You either find a way to maintain the career, on fewer hours for now or leave to start your next career. The message needs to be about a strong woman making the decisions for herself. Not someone fitting her decisions around child and husbands business. His business will hopefully always be OK. But maybe not. Start from who you are and who you want to be, then work out how the other parts of the jigsaw fit in. Even if it takes a couple of mallets to fit the pieces in. Children grow up. Jobs change. Businesses succeed. Or fail. The only control you have is what makes you happy and fulfilled.

NC for this but I have a very similar story, I left big4 for a similar reason, I was in London forensics doing sanctions work, I trained in insolvency so little other experience if I wanted to move departments, the work was 80 hours a week (a lot overseas) and just not sustainable. The flexible working is a bit of a joke, they talk well but in reality you do 60 hours a week for 3/5ths of the pay. You also end up with a lot of the team resenting you because in my experience the “part time staff” got the more local jobs. Speaking to colleagues still there it has changed a bit since covid but not much.

I decided to go really small, the firm I’m with took a risk hiring me but it’s paid off. When I started, I’d never prepared a set of accounts, tax return, VAT return etc but I knew the theory and was willing to learn. I did take a pay cut but I’m now a senior manager again, I did my CTA to swat up on tax. I work 3 days a week, if I want to swap a day I just ask, overtime (more than 15 mins a day) is paid and it’s great - they are really flexible and appreciate their staff. There are loads of transferable skills you will have, managing team/workload etc. I’m paid FTE £50k PA which is less than I was on at big4, but hour for hour it’s probably more and I really feel appreciated. Small firms are desperate for staff, if your north Yorks my firm would hire you I’m sure! It’s worth contacting a few, if you are on mat leave you could ask to do a weeks “work experience” to see if you like it.

I've been in a similar situation and tried various things. I went down to 4 days a week after having my first child and did that for a few years. I found I was still expected to work a full time role but squeeze it into 4 days so it was stressful and exhausting, especially with a child who never slept. I did get one day a week at home with my child though. When I had my second I resigned and spent 4 years at home. Being a SAHM was definitely harder than working and while I don't at all regret having those few years with the children, I was very happy to go back to work. At that point, since the children were school age, and I had a client-facing full on job which sounds similar to yours, I decided to go back full time. It was a complicated time because covid hit, but even without that it was really tough. I have other complications (SEN child, disabled husband) and I ended up taking 6 months unpaid leave after being signed off with stress. I just went back under the agreement that I would be part time with less responsibility. Unfortunately at the same time my work announced mass redundancies and a restructure which has somehow left me with even more work to do in less hours, and no leverage. Having been a SAHM though, I have had my eyes opened as to how vulnerable you are if you give up working. Going back after 4 years was really tough and being completely reliant on DH made me feel very uncomfortable. My advice having been through all this: do not give up your job. Fight for a more flexible role, if you can find something be grateful you will be able to keep some security and hopefully still improve your work life balance. If you do decide to resign, don't underestimate how hard it could be to go back to work after time out. And if you go back, don't accept any sort of scenario where you're working less days/hours for essentially the same role - you will essentially just be paid less for doing the same thing you always were

Thanks again everyone for the replies. It's interesting to see everyone's view point and lots of useful valid points.

To be honest, not being as financially independent does worry me. Not in the sense that I expect DH to bugger off but I've always been independent. I would still have my own income from the partnership but it's not the same.

@CheekyGirl123 I am ATT, CTA qualified and am a VAT specialist. I did work in a mixed tax role years ago but it was mostly compliance. For the past 7 years I've solely worked in VAT consultancy and am even more pigeon holed into one single area of VAT. Small firms won't have room for me in what I do now and I'm so far removed from mixed tax (and don't enjoy it at all). I actually signed up for a bookkeeping course to do at home (AAT) so that I could offer bookkeeping services from home (once I learn how to properly bookkeep!).

I think I want to explore changing role. I'm really not afraid to walk away from my specialism as I never really enjoyed it anyways. I just kind of fell into it and it suited when it did but it doesn't anymore. I also think I wanted to prove to myself that I could reach SM level at Big 4 and I've done that now. I certainly have no desire to go any further that's for sure.

Isn't the alternative to that view that this is saying:

I know I can't so the job I want to for the business or my child on X days a week when this job is 7 days a week. I would much rather do myself, my child and the business justice by taking a role where I have greater control on the demands over my time and therefore am able to do a better job.

I don't think taking a sideway step is inherently to a lesser role - it's a different role rather than lesser.

I’m ex big4. Best place to start your career but pay is awful for the hours you work and it’s not sustainable with family. I did it because I didn’t really have a choice. As soon as I had the right opportunity come up with a client I left (and didn’t look back).

Talk with your Partner/coach and you might find they have private practice opportunities they can put you forward for. Big 4 is a lonely place for those over 40 because it’s a strong culture of up or out.

Given your specialism you have lots of opportunities to work either independently or as employee. There is more than enough work for you.

@zingboom Unfortunately I am in a toxic team - one that thrives on being seen as the most fast paced and where you have to juggle lots of projects under very tight deadlines. It doesn't help that there is simply no way to control when the projects land, or what the turnaround time is. I often get sent documents that need to be reviewed and updated late in the evening. I've raised previously my worries about part time working on this team to the partner and a director and been given the advice to offer meetings late in the evening so that I can leave to pick up baby at a certain time. I didn't join on an apprenticeship scheme. I worked in a small firm prior and put myself through professional qualifications in my "spare" time and then just worked my way up. Thank you for the well wishes ☺️

@LadyAstor - I receive a benefit amount that I can either cash in or choose a car. The monthly payment for the car is deducted pre tax as salary sacrifice so I only pay income tax and NIC on the reduced salary income. The car then goes on P11D and I pay tax on the benefit but it's not too bad if you choose your car wisely and it was always extra money over and above salary anyways in my eyes.

@TerraNostra - Yes, I always did the stuff for the business whilst working. I would do it at weekends mostly. It's gotten to be more over the past few months due to the new contract so is more involved now but I feel that it does fly take me long as I'm experienced in those tasks that I do. Thanks for the advice 😊

@JustMarriedBecca @Reachforthestars00 I initially considered requesting an unpaid career break to give myself more time to make the right decision. I could probably get that approved but I really don't think that I want to return to that role in that team at all in the future.

@SquishyGloopyBum - I agree with your point. DH's trade is one that is always needed so even if he lost this contract, he would always be busy. Having the contract work just makes his life easier as he isn't having to spend lots of time pricing jobs and travelling all over for them. It's better paid but if it fell away tomorrow, we would still be secure financially. It's just more of a pain in the arse!

@Lemonyfuckit - my firm promote heavily on the flexibility, etc but in reality it's just fake news. I firmly believe that I'd be working similar hours on 3/5th pay.

@ShowsLikeThese - I agree completely and good advice, thanks. We do have an internal careers service. I was hoping to leverage on the relationship I have with this particular senior leader as the careers service isn't that great. I am highly valued and always receive excellent feedback and get graded at the highest grade each year under our performance reviews.

@weirdstuffhappenig - I appreciate what you've said but I don't see it like that. Bit of a back story, but I struggled through with little to no support throughout our fertility struggles, a miscarriage that almost broke me and even my recent pregnancy. When I say little to no support, it was literally "just get on with it". My "team" only care about the work being done. Having said that, I know others in other roles and teams that have great support. I want to be in one of those teams/roles.

@Quveas - Thanks for your advice. I think because of how unsupportive my team have been previously, and knowing that if we try for another baby again soon (and will enter the fertility treatment world again) my career is at the bottom of my important list. I've dreamt of having a family for so long and my career was always just something else to keep me busy but now that I have a baby, I just want a decent paid job that I can disconnect from everyday. I really can't see that changing in the future now.

@namechange0998776554432 - Thanks for your advice and for taking the time to tell me your experience. Sounds like you've had a hard time and are superwoman ☺️ I agree completely and fully expect that if I stayed where I am I'd be getting paid 3/5 of my salary for the same effort and stress.

Ah, of course. You mentioned salary sacrifice earlier. I bet works out well if you have a 'green' car like a Tesla or similar.

@LadyAstor Yes! If you choose an electric car there is a very nominal benefit in kind tax charge (less than £100 a year) so very tax efficient. I could have chosen an Audi E-Tron worth £60k that would have been cheaper than a petrol car worth £25k!