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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep the refund from the energy company?

26 replies

Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 22:44

We've been refunded £180 from the energy company.

My DP doesn't know as I sort the bills, as well as everything else in our lives.

I'm bit hacked off because he's so untidy and messy. I am majorly stressed and anxious all the time.

He is aware of my stress but doesn't do that much to help. I've accepted that as on the whole he is great, makes me laugh and is a good person.

Anyway he has gone to work today and left the kitchen an absolute tip. I've txt him and he's replied laughing.

I've changed our direct debit details so the money is paid into my account. I'm feeling really guilty about it. But want a bit of revenge and to treat myself.

I never have time for myself and my appearance has gone downhill. Feeling really tired and unappreciated.

My mums told me off though.....

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 12/12/2022 22:55

Eh fuck it, sounds like a shit life and shit marriage so I don’t think you keeping the £180 is going to be a big deal on the grand scheme of things.

UsingChangeofName · 12/12/2022 22:59

Well, if you are paying the gas and electricity bills from your account, then you're fine.
If you are paying them from a joint account, then you know darn well YABVVVU.

BabyOnBoard90 · 12/12/2022 22:59

Put it aside and use it to cover the next energy bill

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:07

UsingChangeofName · 12/12/2022 22:59

Well, if you are paying the gas and electricity bills from your account, then you're fine.
If you are paying them from a joint account, then you know darn well YABVVVU.

Usually the bill comes from our joint account so effectively we both pay it. But the bills are all in my name.

OP posts:
allboysherebutme · 12/12/2022 23:15

Go get pampered. X

Testina · 12/12/2022 23:22

Revenge?
You want to take revenge on your boyfriend by stealing money from him.
Just split up already 🙄

dolor · 12/12/2022 23:26

Bin the manchild.

quietnightmare · 12/12/2022 23:28

Couldn't handle the guilt and I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut because of it but you do you. The main issue here though isn't the money it's the man child's behaviour

UsingChangeofName · 12/12/2022 23:28

Usually the bill comes from our joint account so effectively we both pay it. But the bills are all in my name.

Irrelevant whose name is on the bill. The money has been given to each household to reduce each household bills, so goes into the account the bills come out of.

If you are stealing money from your partner, you've got bigger problems than this particular amount of money.

RagzRebooted · 12/12/2022 23:32

This isn't about the £180, is it? You know you came on here so we can all say you should split up with him.
You probably should.

MichelleScarn · 12/12/2022 23:34

What's stressing you out? Work? Him?

HereComeTheGrannies · 12/12/2022 23:35

£180 won’t buy the respect you deserve from a partner.

CookieDoughKid · 12/12/2022 23:37

blow the money! Make yourself feel better why not!

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:40

RagzRebooted · 12/12/2022 23:32

This isn't about the £180, is it? You know you came on here so we can all say you should split up with him.
You probably should.

It is about the £180. I don't want to split up with him just because he's messy and untidy. It's really annoying and at times does get me down yes, but I'm more assertive these days.

OP posts:
Pumpmonkey · 12/12/2022 23:41

Why not use it to get a cleaner a couple of hours a week until it runs out? House will be cleaner, you’ll be happier and have a but of time to look after yourself as someone else will have cleaned, and you wont have spent joint money on just you?

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:41

MichelleScarn · 12/12/2022 23:34

What's stressing you out? Work? Him?

Mixture of both really. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:43

Pumpmonkey · 12/12/2022 23:41

Why not use it to get a cleaner a couple of hours a week until it runs out? House will be cleaner, you’ll be happier and have a but of time to look after yourself as someone else will have cleaned, and you wont have spent joint money on just you?

Ridiculous as this sounds he won't let me. He moans about people like workmen coming to the house. He also works very unsocial hours too

OP posts:
pimlicoanna · 12/12/2022 23:43

Oh I got over £300 back this month and I didn't even think to mention it to my partner!

pimlicoanna · 12/12/2022 23:43

I sort all the bills

SomeBeings · 12/12/2022 23:44

I wouldn't. It's a weird and sneaky thing to do. Try dealing with his messiness in another way.

(I wonder what the replies would be if the OP was male?)

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:45

pimlicoanna · 12/12/2022 23:43

Oh I got over £300 back this month and I didn't even think to mention it to my partner!

I honestly pay for pretty much all homeward, furnishings, pet care, house renovations out of my own pocket. To point I'm broke.

He pays mortgage. We split all bills and food.

I just wanted to get my hair done and have bit of time for me. I don't stop work and round the house from 7 am to 8pm most nights.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:50

SomeBeings · 12/12/2022 23:44

I wouldn't. It's a weird and sneaky thing to do. Try dealing with his messiness in another way.

(I wonder what the replies would be if the OP was male?)

I know I wonder that too.

In the last 12 months I've spent roughly 5k on house renovations and vet bills for our cat out my own wages. I'm broke.

I just wanted to enjoy myself for a change

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 12/12/2022 23:51

Then deal with all that OP.
Sit down and work out a proper budget.
Sit down and split the jobs out if he needs to work at that sort of level.
It sounds like quite a lot needs sorting out, but, don't start stealing the bills money.
As a pp said, imagine how much support a male poster would have got if he had proposed doing the same thing. There would be all sorts of accusations of financial abuse.

Original poster
Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:52

UsingChangeofName · 12/12/2022 23:51

Then deal with all that OP.
Sit down and work out a proper budget.
Sit down and split the jobs out if he needs to work at that sort of level.
It sounds like quite a lot needs sorting out, but, don't start stealing the bills money.
As a pp said, imagine how much support a male poster would have got if he had proposed doing the same thing. There would be all sorts of accusations of financial abuse.

Didn't think of it like that to be honest.

OP posts:
Pumpmonkey · 12/12/2022 23:55

Nymeria6 · 12/12/2022 23:43

Ridiculous as this sounds he won't let me. He moans about people like workmen coming to the house. He also works very unsocial hours too

Show quote history

Hmmm. Not cleaning up after himself and leaving. It all for you do it is bad enough..and I’d say a reason to seriously consider how much mutual respect there is in your relationship. Not ‘letting’ you have someone else in to pick up what is partially HIS.responsibility would have me questioning if I wanted to stay tbh. You're his wife, not his housekeeper.