Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this irritate you?

40 replies

HopingSomeoneIsAwake · 12/12/2022 17:41

If you messaged someone saying ‘I’m a bit busy today, I will message you later on when I’m finished’ and then the other person kept on messaging you even after you don’t reply (because you’re busy) would this irritate you?

In my context it’s someone I’m casually getting to know/dating at the moment but every time they do it I just feel suffocated and it makes them come across as being very needy IMO.

Is it normal to feel this way or am I just over-reacting?

OP posts:
Beachbodyready · 12/12/2022 17:42

Run for the hills. This really pisses me off and doesn’t get any better

Original poster
HopingSomeoneIsAwake · 12/12/2022 17:45

Beachbodyready · 12/12/2022 17:42

Run for the hills. This really pisses me off and doesn’t get any better

It’s the same with them with phone calls, they want to stay on the phone for hours at a time often late at night because of their working pattern/shifts and even though I have told them I won’t be doing it on x day because I have a lot on the next day they will still keep hinting at it all day long…

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2022 17:47

What are they messaging?

So just messaging stuff as they think of it or being needy?

Oh I saw a show we can see next Sunday
Remind me to tell you u saw Matt le Blanc last week
That stuff doesn't stick in my head so I see a logic in messaging it but not expecting a reply

Are you busy now?
What are you doing?
I miss you.
Are you talking to other men?
Am I hot?
Is my dick too small?
I bet you're on a date
Can't believe you're ignoring me

  • run
KateBalesCardi · 12/12/2022 17:48

They're already failing to listen when you say 'no' OP, that's beyond irritating, it's a massive red flag and I wouldn't be taking this any further.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 17:49

They’re already practising being in control.

”She’s busy, but I want to speak to her and my say is final.”

Atmywitsend29 · 12/12/2022 17:50

This really fucks me off. Some people need to learn some boundaries.

Triffid1 · 12/12/2022 17:50

Agree with @sleepingstandingup . Depends what's been said. I don't mind people texting me at their convenience as long as they accept I will respond at mine.

But constant messages that seem to require an immediate answer would annoy me.

Mrsjayy · 12/12/2022 17:54

Yeah run very fast, they are needy and don't respect boundaries 🙄

Original poster
HopingSomeoneIsAwake · 12/12/2022 17:58

It’s messages like what are you up to? What you having for lunch and dinner tonight? (Not planning on meeting them for either of those, don’t live together, no reason for them to ask or know that) what do you have to do today then? Like questions to continue on the conversation if though I told them I was busy and couldn’t message at that time…

OP posts:
WellIsntThatAshame · 12/12/2022 17:58

It would annoy me if, after you've said you're busy, he asks why you've not replied. If he's just messaging random stuff that doesn't require an answer, then I think that would be ok?

BlusteryLake · 12/12/2022 18:02

I would be really annoyed by that. It's so attention seeking. You have already said you have other priorities that day and he seems unable to cope with that.

LlynTegid · 12/12/2022 18:05

Time to end the relationship and be relieved you found out before too long.

Monr0e · 12/12/2022 18:17

It would massively irritate me. He's basically saying he doesn't care if you are busy or tired or any other reason you might not be able to speak to him because he thinks he is more important than you.

WonderingWanda · 12/12/2022 18:30

Yes it would and I would ignore them for a couple of days to see how they react to no contact. If the are needy and persistent then I would run away.

Remona · 12/12/2022 19:06

Yes, this would irritate the hell out of me.

I’ve had similar experiences with friends over the years where they just bombard you with messages if you don’t respond. It’s fucking suffocating.

He’s not respecting your boundaries. You’ve told him you’re busy but he doesn’t care. Whatever you do, don’t respond. The second you do it’s like giving them the green light and then you can’t shut them up. Keep ignoring him.

Give it a few more days and see if he gets the message. I suspect he’ll up the ante when you’re not giving him the attention he feels he deserves and you’ll have your answer.

Covetthee · 12/12/2022 19:10

Could you mute and archive (if you’re on iphone) his messages and then reply at your convenience and see if he takes the hint? or if he gets pissy about that, that tells you even more what a twat he is.

FallopianTubeTrain · 12/12/2022 19:12

That'd drive me round the bend.

Probablymagrat · 12/12/2022 19:13

Yes this would irritate me. I turn off notifications and sound once I've sent the 'I will get back to you' message. The talking on the phone saying fuck all is also very irritating, but the culprit is usually my own dear mother, so I can't really just tell her that this conversation is over.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 12/12/2022 19:16

I would be pissed off and would ignore. I would be snappy later too.
My ex was like this and as soon as you answered once he would then ring to chat!!

FawnDrench · 12/12/2022 19:33

He's completely overriding your hinted request to lessen the intensity and frequency of his contacts.
He is not taking any notice of your feelings or showing any empathy.
It's all about him and his needs and wants.
What a nob.

Time to say goodbye. Definitely.

LimeTwists · 12/12/2022 21:32

Needy and irritating. Bin him. Your boundaries and busyness do not need repeatedly explaining to a man who refuses to listen. ‘I’m busy - speak later’ is his cue to find something else to do.

carefulcalculator · 12/12/2022 21:38

I ditch someone casual if they did this, for sure.

Anothernamechange1010 · 12/12/2022 21:41

Needy / controlling - the latter I say this because you've said you're busy but they want to control the narrative, doesn't matter to them you said 'busy' they can't accept that and just want to push you.

Hills. Run.

GreenManalishi · 12/12/2022 21:46

He's letting you know that he doesn't listen to you, and is very happy to override even your very reasonable easy to respect boundaries.

He is showing you that he wants is more important than what you want

This is a bad sign.

C1N1C · 12/12/2022 21:54

Man here... OK he could be needy and controlling as the others say...

OR

He does genuinely like you and is constantly thinking about you.... (I don't see these questions above as intrusive or controlling, just curious and chatty).

OR

He's a bit insecure. At the start of a relationship it's so touch and go... for all he knows you have a dozen men still after you (as is usual with OLD), and he's trying to mark his territory. He could simply be worried that if he doesn't message, you might just forget him and move on... those five minutes of silence are five minutes a Casanova might swoop in!

It might be off-putting but from what you've said, I don't think his intentions are bad... maybe just a little "lost puppy'.