I feel left out and taken for granted. Need to get a grip!

[TizerorFizz]

We wanted to see close friends (3 couples) before Christmas as we have presents for them. We found out they were seeing each other at a restaurant (over 2 hours drive away) but we were not invited. We would have gone as driving isn’t a big deal for us. I phoned one friend to say we were sorry not to be joining them as it was Christmas snd we could have brought the presents. He said not to worry. When were we free after Christmas? They would all come and stay with us.

i always have them! I always do the New Year dinner! I always put them up! Whenever they come to this area we put them up and I cook! We do have space but I now feel taken for granted and excluded. DH isn’t happy either. We want to stay friends with people we have known for 45 years but it just seems that we are expected to entertain them but they book a restaurant without asking us to join them. Not sure there’s an answer but should I continue to welcome them when they want to stay? Or be a bit more unavailable?

I may be wrong but I wonder if the OP is from North America or Australia where many people think nothing of driving long distances to events.
I think you are right to take a more measured approach going forward. Your friends have got too comfortable with your kindness and hospitality and now just take it for granted. Time for a few changes so that you keep the friendships but do not feel taken advantage of.

But surely they'll just be going out together because one couple is visiting in their area. It's theyre inviting the other couple to do a 2hr drive and not you.

You are not overreacting. I'd be stepping back, too. Let them pursue you for a change. If not, you know where you stand.

I wouldn't think to invite someone who is two hours away, I'd assume it was too far.

"We would love to see all of you but, to be honest, although we enjoy having you, hosting everyone overnight and providing dinner for 8, really takes it out of us and we're not up to it this year. Local Friend couple B, any chance you would like to take a few turns doing the overnight hosting for couples C and D so we can all get together? If you also find it's too much for you, then maybe next time you all get together in [town 2 hours away] you could let Bob and me know. We'd be more than happy to drive out to meet all of you somewhere for lunch, and we don't even need a place to stay for the night as we'll just drive back afterward. Hope to see you soon! love, TizerorFizz."

I imagine your friends assume that you wouldn't want to drive 2 hours away, but the fact that you are the only ones cooking (and therefore paying for) meals for the entire group (I assume when they all go out to dinner together without you, they likely go Dutch?) seems like they are taking advantage. It's not right for them to expect to be wined and dined at your expense with no reciprocation.

Now personally I hate traveling so I would prefer to host. But that's just me. And I don't do fancy, so the rooms will be clean and appropriately provided, but when I cook for others then I pick something easy and reasonably affordable.

I would give them the benefit of the doubt this time but be honest with them. tell everyone you’re having a rest from hoasting but you’re happy to drive to any meet ups. Then see what happens. Not everyone likes hoasting and this is ok.

OP, you just need to tell them. I’d be gutted if I’d upset my friend so much and they didn’t tell me their feelings. If they have been your mates for 45 years you must have a relationship where you can be honest? It absolutely sounds like they thought two hours would be too long a drive, and they assume you enjoy having everyone to stay. If that’s not the case, just (graciously) let them know you would have really liked to come see them and you love to have people to stay but it isn’t a walk in the park to you and a two hour drive would actually have been easier. It’s not a big deal to be honest with them, but it would be completely unreasonable of you to just stop being available and not explain your feelings. That would be a “bad friend” thing to do!

I think some of these responses come across as a bit aggressive or passive-aggressive.
People make assumptions on all sorts of bases. On their own experience, on seeing others reactions, on repetitive events. If you don't tell people how you want to be treated, it's a bit harsh if you then judge them for misinterpreting actions and treating you wrongly. I'm not sure it's worth jeopardising 45 years of friendship. Just have a chat with one of the six other people and see what they have to say. It all just sounds like an honest mistake to me.