Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I say something or do you think she knows?

32 replies

PleaseTakeItOff · 12/12/2022 12:51

A woman I used to work with has a daughter of about 3 and has been in a relationship with a man for about 18 months (not the daughter’s father). I’m not particularly close to this woman, we stopped working together a couple of years ago and I’ve been out with her as part of a group 3/4 times since then but she’s probably not someone that I’d meet up with just us and we exchange maybe half a dozen WhatsApp messages a year just as quick catch ups.

Anyway she’s a lovely, friendly lady although perhaps not the best judge of character. She’s been in a series of abusive relationships over the past decade including her dd’s father who is no longer allowed to contact her or her daughter due to violence towards both of them. The latest boyfriend seems friendly enough, I kind of already knew him (small town) and never heard anything bad about him.

About 6 months into their relationship new boyfriend quit his job as a taxi driver to be a full time photographer, something which he’d always done as a hobby on the side. He started off doing wedding photography but that didn’t really take off so has been doing lots of portraits, boudoir shoots and stuff. Not properly sexy stuff but shoots of good looking couples in their underwear doing sort of Mills and Boon cover style stuff. But what makes me (and a couple of mutual friends I’ve chatted to a bit uncomfortable) is the fact that sometimes included in these shoots or as individual photos dumped in the middle of a collection of a dozen or so photos of a couple snogging in front of a sunset will be my friend’s little girl. One particular photo is of a woman leaning back being supported by the man who is leaning over her and giving her a passionate kiss, little girl is holding onto woman’s leg (adults only in underwear) and looking directly at the camera. Another set of photos are of a couple kissing on a bed, man pinning woman down by her wrists but bedroom door seemingly deliberately ajar and little girl on the sofa in the background playing on a tablet.

This is deeply weird, right? A couple of people have posted comments such as “is that X in the background? 😱” on Facebook and comments have simply been deleted. I know friend helps out with the management of his social media accounts but I don’t know if it was him or her who deleted the comments. The most recent photos posted were, I think, the worst. All of little girl dressed in one of those sort of Japanese school uniforms, like a little sailor type outfit, if that makes sense? But she’s licking a lollipop and appears to have red make up on her knees (she could have just bumped them but it looks like make up). These photos are getting hundreds of likes and I find them chilling. I know they’re just photos and they’re not graphic in themselves but they do not sit right with me.

Should I speak to the mother about it? I know which nursery she goes to so possibly someone there instead? Or even NSPCC? Could they do anything about something that is so open to interpretation? I don’t know if I’m just pearl clutching or not. Other friends have said it makes them uncomfortable too though.

OP posts:
Farradaymange · 12/12/2022 13:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

deliciouschilli · 12/12/2022 13:20

NSPCC and nursery who will be able to refer to SS.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 12/12/2022 13:20

I wouldn't say anything to the mum, but I would definitely email SS/ the nursery/ nspcc and attach the photos.

The mum clearly needs support with boundries around guys, especially guys around her kids. I doubt she would take it well coming from you, and then you'll be blocked and be unable to see if this gets worse.

It sounds like this man is staying just on the right side of legal, enough to get attention from the wrong sorts but not enough to be arrested.

Justcallmebebes · 12/12/2022 13:22

I don't think you're pearl clutching at all

WednesdayFridayAddams · 12/12/2022 13:25

WTH?!

No don’t tell the mum (can she not see fb?)
Screen shot and report to SS/nursery & police in case they’d like to take an interest in his computer.
Vile.

growgrowinggrown · 12/12/2022 13:28

Clearly the mother thinks there is nothing wrong with them so I doubt raising it with her will make a blind bit of difference.
It sounds grim, why on earth would couples who want sexy photos of themselves be happy to partake in having this little girl present, and also captured in the images. Sounds utterly bizarre to me.

I would go down the route of nursery and safeguarding issue. Not sure I would be comfortable with screengrabbing the images but might be useful incase they are removed.

It's good that you and your friends are concerned and taking an interest, but without acting on those concerns it just becomes a thing to gossip about.

Newuser82 · 12/12/2022 13:34

I'd definitely contact the nursery. That's so strange and disturbing!

Reindeersnooker · 12/12/2022 13:37

Yes contact the nursery and SS with copies.

creamwitheverything · 12/12/2022 13:54

Your instincts appear right OP, Very disturbing indeed, Certainly not normal,

Newwardrobe · 12/12/2022 14:01

Vile , I'd be reporting to every agency I could think of.

GreenManalishi · 12/12/2022 14:12

So to be clear, he's photographing couples in sexy underwear shots with his girlfriends little girl is in the photos? As part of the shoot? Sucking a lollipop in a sailor dress? So they're getting a sexy photo with a strangers little girl in the image?

This is beyond weird, if it's true, and you're not pearl clutching at all. I would involve someone for assistance with this, definitely.

TabithaTittlemouse · 12/12/2022 14:16

Surely the mum knows? She must see them? So what would be the point in telling her.
contact nspcc

Merryoldgoat · 12/12/2022 14:22

Sorry - is the girl actually IN the photos or photoshopped in?

SeenAndNot · 12/12/2022 14:23

There’s a young child in the sexy photos setup? Grim. Report.

Backstreetsbackalrightdadada · 12/12/2022 14:24

Oh my god… completely unacceptable and so worrying :( that poor child!!! Call SS immediately, maybe the police?

Backstreetsbackalrightdadada · 12/12/2022 14:25

Photoshopped in or not - clear disrespect of boundaries and incredibly worrying

girlmom21 · 12/12/2022 14:26

That's horrific. That child's not safe. Nursery is the best bet.

Merryoldgoat · 12/12/2022 14:27

Backstreetsbackalrightdadada · 12/12/2022 14:25

Photoshopped in or not - clear disrespect of boundaries and incredibly worrying

Absolutely but I ask because I cannot imagine any scenario where strangers doing a boudoir shoot would allow a stranger’s child be included.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 12/12/2022 14:27

Merryoldgoat · 12/12/2022 14:22

Sorry - is the girl actually IN the photos or photoshopped in?

Either way it’s weird!!
if she’s actually there then the poor child but can’t imagine why anyone would be happy a child was there when having sexy couples pictures same goes if they are photoshopped.
I don’t know what goes on in peoples heads .

Comedycook · 12/12/2022 14:30

I wouldn't talk to the mother. I'd go straight to social services and whatever nursery/pre school the child is in.

Floydthebarber · 12/12/2022 14:31

The nursery would be a good place to start but so would the police. If it is just seriously misjudged photo composition a lesson will be learned and it will stop but also possible child abuse will be stopped.

Lkydfju · 12/12/2022 14:34

Call NSPCC or social services; that’s really worrying

Choconut · 12/12/2022 14:35

I know it's not the point but why would people have someone's random child playing on a tablet in the background of their photoshoot??

Farradaymange · 12/12/2022 14:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Merryoldgoat · 12/12/2022 14:38

@Farradaymange

not sure what the Balanciaga means but otherwise I agree