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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I say something or do you think she knows?

32 replies

PleaseTakeItOff · 12/12/2022 12:51

A woman I used to work with has a daughter of about 3 and has been in a relationship with a man for about 18 months (not the daughter’s father). I’m not particularly close to this woman, we stopped working together a couple of years ago and I’ve been out with her as part of a group 3/4 times since then but she’s probably not someone that I’d meet up with just us and we exchange maybe half a dozen WhatsApp messages a year just as quick catch ups.

Anyway she’s a lovely, friendly lady although perhaps not the best judge of character. She’s been in a series of abusive relationships over the past decade including her dd’s father who is no longer allowed to contact her or her daughter due to violence towards both of them. The latest boyfriend seems friendly enough, I kind of already knew him (small town) and never heard anything bad about him.

About 6 months into their relationship new boyfriend quit his job as a taxi driver to be a full time photographer, something which he’d always done as a hobby on the side. He started off doing wedding photography but that didn’t really take off so has been doing lots of portraits, boudoir shoots and stuff. Not properly sexy stuff but shoots of good looking couples in their underwear doing sort of Mills and Boon cover style stuff. But what makes me (and a couple of mutual friends I’ve chatted to a bit uncomfortable) is the fact that sometimes included in these shoots or as individual photos dumped in the middle of a collection of a dozen or so photos of a couple snogging in front of a sunset will be my friend’s little girl. One particular photo is of a woman leaning back being supported by the man who is leaning over her and giving her a passionate kiss, little girl is holding onto woman’s leg (adults only in underwear) and looking directly at the camera. Another set of photos are of a couple kissing on a bed, man pinning woman down by her wrists but bedroom door seemingly deliberately ajar and little girl on the sofa in the background playing on a tablet.

This is deeply weird, right? A couple of people have posted comments such as “is that X in the background? 😱” on Facebook and comments have simply been deleted. I know friend helps out with the management of his social media accounts but I don’t know if it was him or her who deleted the comments. The most recent photos posted were, I think, the worst. All of little girl dressed in one of those sort of Japanese school uniforms, like a little sailor type outfit, if that makes sense? But she’s licking a lollipop and appears to have red make up on her knees (she could have just bumped them but it looks like make up). These photos are getting hundreds of likes and I find them chilling. I know they’re just photos and they’re not graphic in themselves but they do not sit right with me.

Should I speak to the mother about it? I know which nursery she goes to so possibly someone there instead? Or even NSPCC? Could they do anything about something that is so open to interpretation? I don’t know if I’m just pearl clutching or not. Other friends have said it makes them uncomfortable too though.

OP posts:
Adultchildofelderlyparents · 12/12/2022 14:40

He's a professional photographer, so people are paying him for these photoshoots. I find it very hard to believe the people paying for the photos are allowing a random child to appear in them.
A couple kissing in a photo, allowing a random child to hang off the woman's leg?
Be serious.
If you are genuine I suggest you let the mother know and report him yourself.
But I suspect you are trolling!

PleaseTakeItOff · 12/12/2022 19:30

I don’t know if the girl is photoshopped in or not. She could be in the photos where she’s sort of in the room in the background but the one where she’s holding the woman’s leg it certainly looks as though she posed for it. I’ve no idea how good he is with photoshop though.

I’m not sure that these shoots have actually been commissioned by anyone. He seems to use the same couple as models in all his shoots and uses the photos he posts as adverts for couples “boudoir” style photo shoots that he does. I guess he’s just trying to drum up business.

I think I’ll give the nursery a heads up. I know one of the ladies that work there so hopefully she’ll know the correct procedure, if there is one.

OP posts:
Cosmos123 · 12/12/2022 19:52

Social services
police
ASAP

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 12/12/2022 21:09

OP if you are being genuine then you need to report this to the police. He's using a child in pornographic style photos. You know that is wrong. You went into great detail to describe the Japanese school uniform/red knees photo, you know exactly the implication of that. Report to the police and let them deal with it.

MumoftwoGranofone · 12/12/2022 21:17

This is a safeguarding issue and it needs to be reported asap to social services. Then the professionals can assess the situation.

PleaseTakeItOff · 12/12/2022 21:21

@Adultchildofelderlyparents I’m absolutely being genuine. The red knees thing was the thing that tipped it over the edge for me from being inappropriate but possibly innocent to very clearly dodgy.

OP posts:
FurElsie · 12/12/2022 21:28

If this is genuine phone social services and then tell the nursery, the more reports the better

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