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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you ever ask your parents to lend you money?

68 replies

Shesobsessedwithgrinch · 12/12/2022 10:24

I live abroad and have mainly done everything myself my whole life.
Parents have given money in the past for birthdays, Christmas etc
We have a huge electricity bill and the washing machine has decided to die. Would you ask your parents for a loan, I’m easily able to pay them some back each month. I just feel so ashamed and awful asking to lend it. I know plenty of people who have money from their parents fairly regularly, I just find it so hard, would I be being unreasonable to ask them for some as a loan?

OP posts:
Callieviolet · 12/12/2022 10:26

Not at all unreasonable to ask. Or if you don’t want to ask outright, you could mention in a conversation that you are really struggling at the moment. Just as you’ve said it here, and see if they offer?

Original poster
Shesobsessedwithgrinch · 12/12/2022 10:26

@Callieviolet Do you parents lend you money if you need it?

OP posts:
Backtoreality1 · 12/12/2022 10:29

My parents have loaned me money on occasion, but only if they can afford it. It was in my immediate post Uni days when it was difficult getting myself set up in life. Its a bit different now, and I wouldn't ask anymore....my father passed away and my mum is retired and she needs her money far more than I do.

Dotjones · 12/12/2022 10:30

There's no problem in asking parents for a loan unless you know that they can't afford to help you. If a parent can afford to help their child they should, regardless of their child's age.

chipsandpeas · 12/12/2022 10:30

i would have if i had no other option and chances are they would have given it to me

Callieviolet · 12/12/2022 10:30

Shesobsessedwithgrinch · 12/12/2022 10:26

@Callieviolet Do you parents lend you money if you need it?

They did in the past, when I have needed it. I was probably early twenties, and had got into some financial difficulties.
I haven’t had to ask since then, but if I had exhausted any other options and needed it, I would ask.
I am close to my parents and know their financial situation though as well, so I know
that they could (and know that they would rather that then see me and their DC struggle, or see us taking us huge loans)

Oysterbabe · 12/12/2022 10:30

If I needed it I would ask and they would be more than happy to help. I would hope that my own children would ask me if they needed help. I would always help.

Valid8me · 12/12/2022 10:31

I would buy new washing machine on credit before asking my parents for a loan. Is that an option or do you need money for the electricity bill as well?

WhaleInAManger · 12/12/2022 10:31

My Dad would - but it would then trigger A Conversation about my finances and why I don't have back up etc. So I never would. Some years ago I was between jobs and waiting on a large tax refund of circa £18k. I pre-asked him if he would loan me some money if the tax refund didn't come through quickly. We then had to have a long chat about how I was not putting enough focus on getting a job: all with a (patronising) concerned face. I swore then I'd never ask again. He doesn't mean to be patronising and I am sure he would describe himself as sensible and caring, but it put me off asking for anything other than simple favours.

My Mum never has money but, if she had, she'd loan me any amount whenever I liked for whatever reason. No questions, no judgement. But maybe that's why she never has any money Grin

However, there is noting wrong with asking loving parents for some help and most would rather be asked than think of their children struggling needlessly.

StickyCricket · 12/12/2022 10:32

No, I would hate owing people I know money. I’d use my overdraft or credit card or try and get a bank loan or go without first, before I’d ask family or friends for a loan.

I also hate people owing us money. I think that’s the hangover of being taken for a ride by a family member. We don’t loan anyone money now.

Original poster
Shesobsessedwithgrinch · 12/12/2022 10:37

Would you rather ask your boss/partners boss? Is that wrong/weird? It’s my preference but probably won’t be for Dh (his boss)

OP posts:
Sidking · 12/12/2022 10:43

My mum has lent me a good amount of money here and there over the years, to buy heating oil, to fix my car, unexpected vet bill etc etc. I had a standing order set up to pay her back each month which I finished in August (though I know she just wrote some of it off).

I could also call on my gran where needed, each time I visit family (we live the other side of the country) she fills my car before I drive home, and also bought us heating oil last month, gifted with no need to repay.

I wouldn't ask a boss, maybe if it was an advance on the month's pay

Zippea · 12/12/2022 10:44

Once. My husband was out of work for a year. I am disabled and work PT and can’t take on any more hours without compromising my health. My salary kept a roof over our heads and fed the children because we were entitled to no gov help. In the 12th month we ran out of money and places we could go to. I asked my parents and it was in my account in 5 minutes. It took dad longer to get into his banking.

They were only too pleased to help me, they knew what it took to ask (it was the worst day ever for me) and would far rather have lost the interest on the sum than see me and the children struggle or lose our home. Please ask - at least you will know either way. Good luck

Zippea · 12/12/2022 10:44

He got a job the following week and we paid it back 4 weeks later

BornIn78 · 12/12/2022 10:45

Do you have no savings you can use?

You should do, since you’ve said you could afford to make monthly repayments on a loan.

monsteronahill · 12/12/2022 10:45

I would ask family before boss - I wouldn't ask my boss at all! I haven't had to use help from family, but one of my siblings has, my mum was happy to help and they paid it all back (early 20s and relocating after university).

Hoppinggreen · 12/12/2022 10:46

Not recently but if I was stuck I would and I know she would help.
If my DC needed help I would hope that they would come to me

Hoppinggreen · 12/12/2022 10:47

Shesobsessedwithgrinch · 12/12/2022 10:37

Would you rather ask your boss/partners boss? Is that wrong/weird? It’s my preference but probably won’t be for Dh (his boss)

Last person I would ask and my boss is lovely and loaded so he probably would lend/give me some
I prefer to keep it professional

Coffeaddict · 12/12/2022 10:50

My mum lent me the 15000 we were short to buy our house. I'm paying it back at £500 a month. My mum's thought was she had the money to lend us it got us on the ladder and we could afford to repay at what we would have been saving.
You can ask worse case they say no

Sugarplumfairy65 · 12/12/2022 10:52

I would go without myself to make sure that my adult children were ok for money. The eldest is child free, married and quite well off but the other 2 have had times when they've needed short term help which I've always done without question or judgement.

ggbbnn1 · 12/12/2022 10:53

I would never ask my boss, even though we're really close friends, but then I don't work in a sector where this would be ok. I ask my parents quite often, they've asked me 1/2 before. If you need it, you need it

Firkinhavinalaugh · 12/12/2022 11:04

We’ve borrowed money from the inlaws before and set it up to repay it religiously. The last year of the payment he wrote off 🎉 <disclaimer - only because he “lent” more money to sil who has never paid him back so he felt bad for us >
We have recently found ourselves in need of being lent money (both in industries that were impacted by covid, were furloughed and a paycut) but they weren’t in a position - sil got in there first and as we hadn’t talked to them about our financial situation they thought we were ok!

(worked out way out of it with a second job and car sale - was tricky so perhaps ask them and judge their response x)

2020nymph · 12/12/2022 11:10

I haven't but my sister has. My parents have always told us they would help us if we needed it. They don't have a huge amount of savings but they do have an emergency fund we could borrow from.

xogossipgirlxo · 12/12/2022 11:13

No, I would never ask my parents. I would have to listen to my mum going on about it for the rest of my life, moaning that I'm poor or don't manage. FIL borrowed us money though,but he's very discrete man, unlike my mother. My sister borrowed money from my parents recently, I already feel sorry for her.

Oakbeam · 12/12/2022 11:15

Yes, and vice versa.

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