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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit pissed off with 20 year old stepson and his girlfriend?

45 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 18:54

To start Dstepson and I get on very well. He is a great kid, very easy going, kind, funny and I love him to bits.

He is a veggie (me, dp and dd eat meat) which is cool, is no problem cooking him veggie versions of chilli, cottage pie etc, always cook for him at the same time as the rest of us. Make separate cheese sauces because I know he can't eat parmesan etc. And keep a stock of loads of Linda Mccartney veggie crap in the freezer for his snacks.

Now, his girlfriend came round for dinner. I cooked them portobello mushrooms and the rest of us chicken breasts. They had the same side dishes as us.

Dstepson and girlfriend wanted to eat upstairs (so they could be all lovey dovey probably ) Collected their dinner went upstairs, then dstepson came back and asked if the mushrooms were cooked at the same time as the chicken. Which it was; same shelf of the oven, in different dishes obviously. His girlfriend then refused to eat the dinner because it was cooked in the same oven as meat.

Now am I being completely clueless about this - I thought it would be fine (especially has dstepson has never mentioned it before). But I think it's nonsense and she was rude to refuse to eat on this basis. Also a bit pissed off with dstepson. What do other veggies do? AIBU?

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 01/02/2008 18:56

Does sound a tad over the top but maybe she is concerned that chicken juices might have splashed on to the mushrooms?

geordiemacminx · 01/02/2008 18:58

She sounds a bit crazy to me..... I mean you would never eat out would you cos you would be worried that your food had been in the same oven/board/pan/kitchen as meat!!!

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 01/02/2008 18:59

My dh won't eat anything thats been cooked in the oven at the same time as meat unless either meat or veg dish is covered over with foil - he's concerned about meat juices splashing.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 19:00

Hmm that's what I thought, but the oven wasn't that hot really, not red hot oven with chicken juices splattering everywhere.

Have cooked dstepson's dinners alongside our meat dishes for christ knows how long, he has never complained before (just sticking up for the new love of his life lol)

OP posts:
Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 19:01

thanks stripey - so it's not completely unreasonable from a veggie standpoint

OP posts:
AngharadGoldenhand · 01/02/2008 19:01

It's not a problem in our house to cook both at the same time.

spicemonster · 01/02/2008 19:02

If she's going to be that fussy, suggest they cook their own food. Frankly, I'm amazed that you bother to cook them a separate meal which they don't even have the manners to eat at the table with the rest of the family and then have the audacity to complain, but I'm rather old-fashioned I expect

CrushWithEyeliner · 01/02/2008 19:02

She sounds like a real madam - out of politeness for you she should have eaten it - or at least had the character to come down to you herself and politely ask. I would have a word in his ear that she will be HIGH maintanance for him in years to come lol

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 01/02/2008 19:02

god, (im not a veggie btw) but that would piss me off too. How bloody ungrateful. Even if she were worried chicken juice has splashed on her mushrooms (which sounds like veggie OCD) you would just say to the boyf 'oh i dont want to make a fuss, you eat them for me'

yanbu

Twiglett · 01/02/2008 19:03

sounds like a typical 20 year old to be honest

don't sweat it

janeite · 01/02/2008 19:03

She is being unreasonable - if she comes again, I'd be tempted to just give her a bag of salad leaves and a lemon and say "there's your meal; I didn't want to corrupt it". And poor stepson is stuck in the middle so I think you are being unreasonable to be pissed off with him.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 19:05

spicey - am tempted to say I won't cook for her if she comes round again

DP was highly unamused, said not to cook for him again either (ungrateful sod, that kind of thing) and thought I was mad letting them eat in their room.

OP posts:
dittany · 01/02/2008 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 19:08

lol dittany

Sure they wouldn't have been up to anything whilst eating food, but there would have been lots of whispering and giggling I expect!

OP posts:
seeker · 01/02/2008 19:12

I wouldn't cook a meal for anyone of any age who wouldn't eat it at the table!

janeite · 01/02/2008 19:14

Aha - I was being slow and understand why you're cross with him now. But then again, if it was an issue you could perhaps have insisted they eat at the table - in a stage whisper to stepson!!!

I think you're right to not cook for her again until she's ingratiated herself with you a bit (which she ought to).

LadyVictorianSqualor · 01/02/2008 19:16

I'd expect them to eat at the table too tbh, but DP's mum has no problem cooking for her son (19) and his gf(17) and they heat it up and eat it when they want so I suppose not everyones bothered.

I woudlnt worry about her not eatign the mushrooms tbh, just dont cook for ehr again, tell DSS he can cook for them both.

kayzr · 01/02/2008 19:17

My nan is a veggie and has been for about 50 years. She always cooks her food at the same time as my grandads. Someone said to her about her not being a true veggie cos of this and she just said its a waste of time and she wouldn't be ale to have dinner with my grandad

jumpyjan · 01/02/2008 19:19

I think it is very rude of her to behave like that. Even if she couldn't bear to eat it she does not have to make such a big deal out of it.

Also think its v rude that they do not eat at the table with you - they are old enough to know better.

Don't blame you for being pissed off.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 19:31

kayzr that's right, it would be quite difficult to cook everything so separately. And I like us all to eat together (we normally do).

Anyway I think his girlfriend is a bit bossy and takes the micky out of stepson, didn't like her that much (ooh, the real reason for this whole thread is coming out )

Thanks everyone for all your posts - nice to know I am not an old cow (well, I am, just not in this case!)

OP posts:
monkeytrousers · 01/02/2008 19:42

I'm a veggie and no you aren't being unreasonable.

She has an overactive imagination. Tell her that all the plates and cutlery are washed in the same dishwasher with ones which had meat on too. sheesh

TheFallenMadonna · 01/02/2008 19:43

I think mentioning before coming for dinner might have been a good way to go....

monkeytrousers · 01/02/2008 19:44

lol at veggie obessive complusive disorder

mumzyof2 · 01/02/2008 20:04

Im 22, and have been a veggie since I was nine years old, and have NEVER been so rude to anybody that has had the decency to cook a separate meal for me! My family have always been respectful of me not eating meat, and use different utensils etc, but it has never, and probabnly WOUlD never cross my mind to ask for food to be cooked in a separate oven. Is it the meat air she doesnt want around her food?? . In that case, does she never step foot in a supermarket because there is meat there? You didnt HAVE to cook them separate food.
Tell her that next time she wants to eat at your house, bring her own Linda McCartney ready meal, and they can use the oven/microwave, when you have finished with it. Point her to the cupboard where your oven cleaner is too.
Am mad for you!

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 20:08

thanks mumzy! wish you had come round for tea instead!

Is a bit hard with stepkids - don't want to come over as wicked stepmother, but then again don't want to be doormat.

Funny story - poor dstepson had to have his Christmas dinner without roast spuds because I cooked them in goose fat. Just didn't think.

Mind you on the flipside I was bashing up nuts on Christmas eve like a twat, in order to make his nut roast!

OP posts:
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