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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit pissed off with 20 year old stepson and his girlfriend?

45 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2008 18:54

To start Dstepson and I get on very well. He is a great kid, very easy going, kind, funny and I love him to bits.

He is a veggie (me, dp and dd eat meat) which is cool, is no problem cooking him veggie versions of chilli, cottage pie etc, always cook for him at the same time as the rest of us. Make separate cheese sauces because I know he can't eat parmesan etc. And keep a stock of loads of Linda Mccartney veggie crap in the freezer for his snacks.

Now, his girlfriend came round for dinner. I cooked them portobello mushrooms and the rest of us chicken breasts. They had the same side dishes as us.

Dstepson and girlfriend wanted to eat upstairs (so they could be all lovey dovey probably ) Collected their dinner went upstairs, then dstepson came back and asked if the mushrooms were cooked at the same time as the chicken. Which it was; same shelf of the oven, in different dishes obviously. His girlfriend then refused to eat the dinner because it was cooked in the same oven as meat.

Now am I being completely clueless about this - I thought it would be fine (especially has dstepson has never mentioned it before). But I think it's nonsense and she was rude to refuse to eat on this basis. Also a bit pissed off with dstepson. What do other veggies do? AIBU?

OP posts:

crokky · 01/02/2008 20:38

Have only read OP, but think:

-don't be p'ed off with DSS as he was just stuck in the middle and asked a question that his GF was stressed about

-very rude of GF to actually let you know she's not eating it - she should have got DSS to eat her mushrooms and presented you with 2 finished plates and thanked you for the dinner, without saying anything about the perceived "unsuitableness" of the cooking methods. YANBU to be p'ed off with her.

-yes, OCD on the part of the GF to think that the chicken is flying onto the mushrooms or something, but if it is some sort of OCD, then perhaps being p'ed off with her won't help her OCD

-maybe it was because of her OCD that they had to eat in the bedroom anyway? perhaps it wasn't in order to get privacy etc?

-perhaps she isn't aware of the effort involved in preparing a meal

ravenAK · 01/02/2008 20:44

I'm a veggie & this wouldn't bother me.

Thoroughly rude - if she's going to be that precious she should've disposed of it quietly & nipped out for chips later...

I wouldn't be pissed off with dss especially, but next time he brings gf round I might just say 'I'll be finished cooking tea for the rest of the family by x o'clock, you can cook for the two of you then.'

Divastrop · 01/02/2008 21:00

she sounds like i was when i was 15,although i was a vegan then,and would refuse to drink coffee(with soya milk)if my mum had stirred it with the spoon she'd used for hers(with cows milk).

i had alot of problems with my mental health back then,and my veganism was a form of OCD rather than anything to do with beliefs

i can only assume she never eats out,then?

Divastrop · 01/02/2008 21:01

'Thoroughly rude - if she's going to be that precious she should've disposed of it quietly & nipped out for chips later...'

she cant have chippy chips,they may be cooked in the same oil as the fish!

ravenAK · 01/02/2008 21:04

D'you know, I thought that the minute I hit post!

She'd be OK round here. Lots of students & Muslim families so all the chippies have big signs up saying that they use a SEPARATE FRYER (with veg oil) for chips...

Judy1234 · 01/02/2008 21:25

I think they were just checking rather than being rude. I don't cook for my daughter and her boyfriend (they are the same age) when they are here back from university - they cook for themselves (and are big meat eaters) but if you're cooking anyway it's good of you to do it. More to the point why is his father not doing the cooking or is it a sexist household where women serve and men sit back and eat.

blueshoes · 01/02/2008 21:39

My aupair is a veggie and she eats food that I cook, just without the meat. For example, if we cook a lamb curry, she will happily eat the curry just without the lamb. But of course, there will be lamb juices, fat in the curry. Is this normal [ignorant emoticon]

I thought great that she was so relaxed. I was terrified that she would not even eat things cooked with chicken stock. That would make my life really difficult. If she insisted on food being cooked in separate ovens, she will be making all her own meals, lol!

NoBiggy · 01/02/2008 21:47

Blueshoes, that's a bit too far on the lax side for most veggies.

While most veggies are able to chill a bit in order to not be a total PITA (instead of just a bit of one, as usual.) She won't always be like that, I daresay. She'll either give it up, or settle down a bit!

CheeseToastie · 01/02/2008 22:02

Being unable to eat in the same room as other people, and making up silly reasons to not eat food were the sort of things I got up to as a teenager with an eating disorder!

My dh is veggie and has been known to get upset by meat sizzing in frying pans when he is cooking his chickpea curry or whatever, on the next gas ring. But he's never been worried by oven 'contamination'.

moogbean · 01/02/2008 22:22

lol on the "I was bashing up nuts on Christmas eve like a twat,"

hifi · 01/02/2008 22:30

shes being very controlling, your son needs to stand up to her, all veggies i have cooked for are so gratefull i have made the effort they have never been as dissrespectful as this woman.

hes trying to turn him against you

chenin · 01/02/2008 22:35

gawd... this is giving vegetarians a bad name! I'm sorry but if it were me, I would have smiled sweetly and said 'yes of course dear, your meal was cooked in a seperate oven!' What cheek!

mumzyof2 · 01/02/2008 22:37

lol - "Yes of course dear, didnt you see the multiple ovens in our kitchen?"

Ubergeekian · 01/02/2008 22:54

When Chelsea Clinton the vegetarian daughter of a recent US president was at Oxford, she demanded that a separate set of plates and cutlery be kept for her exclusive use in hall, so she could be sure they were never used by other people for meat. She was told to sod off.

Elasticwoman · 01/02/2008 22:57

I would not invite the gf ever again. Also think it v rude of them to sod off upstairs to eat their meal. Food is not to be consumed upstairs in our house.

hoxtonchick · 01/02/2008 23:01

er, chicken stock isn't veggie blueshoes.... dp is veggie, the children & i eat meat. he often cooks for himself, & although i find it a bit irritating sometimes to cook veggie versions of things i would never use any meat stuff in anything i cooked for him. it's about respecting others i guess.

i would have been steaming in your situation op, i think you were very restrained!

WigWamBam · 01/02/2008 23:15

I'm veggie, and won't cook anything for me on the same shelf or same tray as meat. I won't put the veggie stuff on the shelf below either, because I don't want the fat from someone else's spitting onto mine. Sorry if anyone thinks that sounds precious or OCD-ish; it's not really. It's simply that I choose not to eat meat products, I am careful not to get meat on my own food, and I really don't want meat juices spitting from dh's food onto mine whilst they are cooking. Eating meat fat would be the same to me as eating chicken stock or the curry from around the meat (sorry, blueshoes!) - it renders my meal unsuitable for a vegetarian.

That said, though, I am only like this where I am in control of the cooking. I wouldn't dream of asking someone else whether they have cooked the stuff together; it's easier in that case just not to know. I am just grateful when someone else cooks something for me ... I usually have to make it myself because a lot of people don't like to (or don't know how to) to cater for veggies.

hellymelly · 02/02/2008 00:01

she is rude rude rude! in twenty odd years of eating out as a veggie I have never dreamed of asking such a ridiculous question.In the same dish i could understand....but the oven? bloody hell what a prima donna.I am sure I must have eaten roasties done in lard or whatnot or stock in things,all by accident,but if you choose to take up other peoples hospitality then there will be some risks along the line.If you can't be polite then eat at home alone with your splash free mushrooms.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 02/02/2008 08:45

She sounds a fab GF if she takes the mickey out of her BF.

blueshoes · 02/02/2008 12:05

Thanks Hoxtonchick, Nobiggy and WWB for clarifying that. I thought that logically what you described would have to follow.

My aupair did say she will eat meat 'out of politeness' so guess she is not a true veggie as such. Her grounds for not eating meat is out of kindness to animals, but if the family (us) is going to be eating the meat anyway, a bit of by-product does not hurt her so long as she does not add to the numbers of animals being slaughtered for food. I think that is her rationale.

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