To ask how you cope with 2 (or more)under 5's?

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I have a just turned 4 year old and a 16 month old and I feel they are running circles around me.
Currently every dining chair and bench I have , all bar stalls etc. have had to be lifted on to the tables/sides as 1 year old is constantly climbing onto worktops and table , I have had to lock the door to the room with their toys because I just can't keep up with the mess they are making and older child has toys with small pieces and won't keep them out of reach of 1 year old , they are constantly (every second of the day) asking for snacks and smearing food and crumbs everywhere, I feel like I can never get my head up long enough from the chaos to take a breath and that results in long frustrating days of me verging on tears or clenching my jaw to try prevent myself from shouting in anger/frustration.

If you have 2 or more of a similar age how do your days look/feel ? Do you have quite a strict routine? I have so much guilt that I'm not enjoying them a lot of the time

Are you completely by yourself with them op or do you have a partner?

3 under 5 and yep bloody tough. Lots door gates on doors. Room divider so bigger ones could play with toys without baby eating them.

I had couple travel cots downstairs that used as playpen so pop the baby into them with some toys while I needed to do things - like go to the bathroom.

Outside is your friend. Inside is not your friend. Mine are slightly younger than yours but similar age gap. I pack the hell out of the pram and head out. If they're hungry, snack and walk, who cares about crumbs in the street? Hold onto your toy car because we're running running running running. "Look, a squirrel", "Look, a bird". Sit in a cafe/pack bench/library, "let's do flashcards", I'll hold them so no mess. "Let's sit on a park bench and practice X" (what can't they do? Tie laces, zipping coat, wiping nose...).

At the very least, if you're outside and completely overwhelmed you could just Hansel and Gretal them.

@Notimeforaname yes I have a partner but he is working a lot currently , most weeks it's every day and for 4 or 5 of those days we may just seem him briefly before he goes to bed.

Don't worry if you arent enjoying spending time with them at the mo, some days can be spent just stopping them injuring themselves (more the little one) or trashing the house and those days are not enjoyable.

As pps have said, get some room dividers or gates for doors so you can fence off areas they can play/cause chaos and it won't feel like your whole house is over taken....
Buy things than can be easily given as snacks that you can give them easily.
And get into a strict bedtime routine so you know when you will be having some time to yourself.
It will get easier as they get older and the play they do is less dangerous and chaotic

3 under 3 here! Another vote for baby gates and getting outside!

I have a nearly two year old and a four year old. This time of year is hardest as we are in the house the longest.

We have a lovely large traffic free garden near us called wisley (not sure if you are in the area). We spend hours there and have a picnic and snacks there. So less tidying up at home as we eat outside.

Also my 4 year old hasn't been allowed Lego yet as I can't cope with the stress.

I had 4 under 5 for a short while - much relief when my eldest started school! Baby gates, playpen, and going out as far as I remember. Also playgroup

I'm near you! Wisley is lovely.

I have 2 under 2 (7m and 19m) and I really struggled. It’s only now that I’m on anti depressants that I can enjoy the kids. We also have a strict routine. Play groups at Children’s centre on certain days, out for walks on other days. It’s currently -1 and I’m out with both of the kids as my toddler goes crazy if she doesn’t go outside. It’s mad but you’ll get through it, you just need a routine which keeps the kids occupied

Thanks for all the responses, I definitely do need to section off the house more perhaps, they do have free rein most of the time and easy access to a lot of toys so their main activity becomes just pulling it all out and distributing it over the downstairs .

I definitely feel I should get out more, we did have a period a few weeks back where we were getting out everyday and I would put my everything into parenting we would get home and they would tear about the house still and for some reason I would feel quite distressed about the fact I could never do enough for them or entertain them enough or burn their energy off - as silly as it sounds.

I am less than 30 mins from Wisley so will have a look at that!

I don't have a great routine with them either - no evening to myself , one year old won't be put down to sleep at night so I stress trying to sort everything during their waking hours .

Ah OP mine are a lot older now but I have three and at one point they were all under 4! (not for long tho). Anyway can I send sympathy as I recall this well.

As others say, the key is 1) routine and 2) outside. Yes it's cold but a frosty walk to the park can be fun and excite conversation.

We had a heavy schedule of activity, mainly to stop us all losing it, looking back. The older ones were in playgroup or pre-school or nursery, so walking them there and back would give us a reason to go out.

While I was on a year's mat leave with DS2 (the youngest) we used to do toddler groups on various days, pre-school gym class on another day, swimming another day... nothing too expensive (pool was free for under 5s).

Also take the time while the toddler naps to have a quick tidy up of whatever is the worst element - whether that is the kitchen counter or the toy-filled living room. This time will pass and things will get easier.

I had 4 u see 4 for a while and it was hard, hard work. They are a little older now (oldest is 8), and it’s lovely most of the time. As others have posted, routine and fresh air/exercise. School holidays and weekends I insist on some sort of exercise, and the house is much happier and calmer.

I had 4 under 4 at one point and DH worked 6 days a week, 12 hours a day.

I struggled a lot. I had to let some stuff slide - didn't always get the housework done, didn't get out as much as I'd liked to have, sometimes we had freezer surprise for tea instead of wholesome home-cooked food. They didn't get baths every day and they might have reworn cleanish clothes a couple of days in a row.

Baby gates, playpens, different areas to play in, staggered bedtimes all helped. They all learned how to tidy up after themselves from an early age - if they got something out, they put it away and your 4 year old should be more than capable of that.

It gets easier, it really does. Some days will be awful, others will be great. Mine are all teenagers now and sometimes I look back and thing those 4 under 4 days were much easier! Don't put pressure on yourself to be perfect, just do what you need to do to get through.

We went out a lot but mostly I accepted the chaos. My youngest (currently 4) is a climber and has been since her big brother helpfully taught her how to escape her cot at around 14 months so lots of deflection but I've never moved the furniture. If they make a mess they help clean up, they want a snack..they help prepare it.

During lockdown when mine were similar ages, I broke the day up into roughly structured zones. So breakfast in the kitchen, tidy up and then a craft or playdough (basically messy stuff). Snack, tidy up, go for a walk/Park. Come home, make lunch, tidy lunch. Playroom, supervised. Tidy afterwards. Maybe some tv. Make tea. I need structure too and certainly my kids prefer knowing that we'll do a, b, c etc.

I'd be wary of stairgates with a climber. I make snack trays with the kids help on the days we're home and have since they were small. Oranges, bananas, babybels, raw carrots/Cucumber/peppers in water, maybe a sweet or a chocolate. One tub each and when it's empty, no more snacking. Knowing what's available and that they can access whenever took the stress out of it for me. Also cuts down on crumbs. Water bottles filled at breakfast and then refilled when empty. Make a game of the tidying, set a 5 min timer and see how much you get done.

It does get better.

I had 3 under 5 and didn’t find it that bad, I was a single parent and it was ok no family help either, I found them easier when they was younger I find it harder now they are older (I have another child now as well though so that changes things)

I've a 3 year old, two year old and a one year old and I completely understand, just reading what you said I was like that is me and you just made me feel a lot better because I feel the same!

Nursery. And you at work.

3 under 4. I had a teenage girl helper. She was about 16. Came and helped at tea and bath.

she’s a mum now

Go outside

Play dates with mums with similar aged children

Nursery

Definitely a resounding answer of get outside then, I always know I should do this but then get dragged down looking at all the chores that need doing and forget how much better we would all feel for some fresh air.

Thank you for all the good tips , I'm definitely going to working on getting a better routine , @Lara151 It does feel better when you know your not alone doesn't it and wow a 3,2, and 1 year old!

I actually do have another child, a teenager - the parenting is a lot different to the younger ones but obviously still required and a huge source of guilt as I feel she doesn't get the quality time from me she needs.

I had a just turned 4yo and 15mo twins. It was crazy times.

However: I never put chairs on the table or sectioned off rooms. I really think you have to be super firm and react immediately to naughty behaviour. Climbing on table was immediate lift down, firm no, we sit on chairs, no climbing. Repeat behaviour, take down, say no. Repeat until they get it. NEVER allow it, ever, not even for a minute. Older kid plays with Lego/ unsafe toys in bedroom or on the table where the littles can't reach. Toys in big clear plastic boxes, 1 each open at a time.

Nursery is fantastic as well for respite and teaching small ones to behave/ listen!

My 2 are 2yr2m apart and one thing I always did was make them sit down at the table to eat. One had a booster and the younger one would be in the highchair. Good for when you take them out to restaurants and it should alleviate the food smearing and crumbs.

I think it is important to have routine in the best way you can and yes eating melas at table and outside, parks are great also we have playgroup which the oldest goes to for three hours everyday except weekends, also clubs again the oldest goes to gymnastics and I will do the same when the others turn 3, it's very hard to give ideas and parenting tips to people and always remember even the people you think have it all under control even have bad days, I bet your amazing your an amazing mum we just have to take it in our stride!

I had 3 under 4 as a lone parent (no contact with df) we survived- their all teens now. I worked part time and those were often the easiest days!
I had a very strict routine and also strict rules.
All food eaten at the table and at set times, dressed before coming downstairs, bath alternate nights, all clothes out the night before. Eldest had a baracaded area to play with older toys and wasn't to bring them out of the area. Toys came out in rotation so there wasn't lots of toys everywhere. Every night everything was put away before bed, dc helped. Bag to leave the house always packed. Strict bedtime routine. It was the only way I got through it.
It does get easier from a physical point of view (just more emotionally draining as they get older!)