Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids in bed

38 replies

Brightun · 11/12/2022 07:10

My DC are 5, 3 and 3. Every night at least one of them, sometimes 2, occasionally 3 come into my bed between 0200-0400. There’s enough room in a superking and once they’re in with me we all get back to sleep until 0600 which is when we have to get up during the week anyway. During the week I’m on my own because DH works away and I don’t really mind but when he’s back at weekends he absolutely hates it but isn’t willing to put any children back to bed.

my AIBU is whose job is it? I don’t mind having them in with me during the week and think they will probably grow out of it. DH wants me to start putting them back to their own beds every time they come in during the week so he doesn’t have to do it on the 2 nights a week he’s here.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 11/12/2022 07:12

It’s his job, or he could sleep elsewhere.
You need sleep when you’re the only parent available.

FleasNavidad · 11/12/2022 07:15

He wants you to get less sleep all week so that he can sleep better for 2 out of 7 nights?

Nah.

ChristmasCrackler · 11/12/2022 07:29

My children used to do this. Bed was a normal king size and became a bit of a squash so we'd end up playing 'musical beds' and just shift ourselves! The trick is for everyone to have a bed big enough for an adult. DH drew the line at sleeping in the top bunk though. It was a lottery who'd be sleeping where come morning!

Maray1967 · 11/12/2022 07:32

FleasNavidad · 11/12/2022 07:15

He wants you to get less sleep all week so that he can sleep better for 2 out of 7 nights?

Nah.

Exactly this. If he has a problem with it, he needs to get up and put them back. I made this clear to DH when he moaned about DS (2) coming in where he was 3-4.

SherbetDips · 11/12/2022 07:34

@ChristmasCrackler that is so daft! Make the kids sleep in their bed.

Pictograph · 11/12/2022 07:36

He's being unreasonable here. If you're happy with the situation and he's not there most nights, it's up to him to find a solution when he's there.

Squamata · 11/12/2022 07:37

The thing he can't be bothered with two nights a week, he wants you to do 5 (or 7?) nights a week. Right.

I don't really like having kids in bed and return them if they come in pre 5am ish, but your DH is trying to have his cake and eat it.

ChristmasCrackler · 11/12/2022 07:37

SherbetDips · 11/12/2022 07:34

@ChristmasCrackler that is so daft! Make the kids sleep in their bed.

Too late! They're adults now 😂 Perfectly well rounded ones at that. It worked for us, and we enjoyed having a pile of children in with us. Maybe it was a bit more like 'ten in a bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over, so they all rolled over and one fell out...'

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/12/2022 07:39

I think you either both reenforce the message or don’t bother. I don’t want the kids in my bed, Mai my because no one sleeps, them included. So I’m a bit harsher in the return to your bed thing.

RedHelenB · 11/12/2022 07:42

You've encouraged them into your bed so I think either he sleeps elsewhere or you put them back to bed.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/12/2022 07:42

ChristmasCrackler · 11/12/2022 07:29

My children used to do this. Bed was a normal king size and became a bit of a squash so we'd end up playing 'musical beds' and just shift ourselves! The trick is for everyone to have a bed big enough for an adult. DH drew the line at sleeping in the top bunk though. It was a lottery who'd be sleeping where come morning!

Same here. It was musical beds most nights until they were 7 or 8! They're 16 and 18 now and sleep in their own beds with no long term damage 😉

If you're happy with them sleeping in with you OP then it's his problem and he can return them to their beds when he's home

whiteroseredrose · 11/12/2022 07:42

He moves to the DC bed if he doesn't like it.

He gets a good night's sleep 5 nights a week.

autienotnaughty · 11/12/2022 07:46

If he was at home full time you would need to work out a compromise. But given he has 5 nights to himself and you have none I'd give him the option of put up or go in one of kids beds.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 11/12/2022 08:14

FleasNavidad · 11/12/2022 07:15

He wants you to get less sleep all week so that he can sleep better for 2 out of 7 nights?

Nah.

My thoughts exactly
Your the main parent dealing with it the majority of the time he just needs to either sleep somewhere else or stop moaning
You can't have Monday to Friday rules then weekend rules it's not fair on your children
You either allow them in or not - my kids come in to our bed, they are 7 and nearly 4 it's just part of it

Whatsshecalled · 11/12/2022 08:16

Aww but they're little and they'll stop doing it, I was actually quite sad when i realised mine didn't get in with us anymore (you never know the last time is actually the last time when it's happening) so I side with you and as a poster above mentioned, both our kids had full sized adult beds so we could move there if we wanted space.

MurderSheTyped · 11/12/2022 08:21

This is why my children have double beds so one of us can get into the kids bed if they get in with us.

Blocked · 11/12/2022 08:22

This is normal child behavior. He can sleep in another bed if he doesn't like it.

girlmom21 · 11/12/2022 08:23

You've replaced him with your children so I think it's your responsibility to encourage them back to their own beds to allow him to sleep in his own bed.

Sunnyjac · 11/12/2022 08:28

He wants you to get less sleep all week
so that he can sleep better for 2 out of
7 nights?
Nah.

Exactly this

Rosebel · 11/12/2022 08:36

I don't like children in my bed because no one sleeps well. But it obviously works for you.
Tell him as he's the one who has the problem with it he can put them back to bed. If he does decide to actually get up and do this I think you will have to carry it on in the week though. It'll probably take longer than two nights to break the habit.
If he can't be bothered carry on.

Talipesmum · 11/12/2022 08:38

You’re not unreasonable for not minding about the kids coming into your bed - some people are fine with it, some aren’t - but you are unreasonable for saying that a potential fix at weekends is for your DH to take them back. There’s no way this would work if they’re allowed to come into your bed all week - it’d be too inconsistent. So he is kind of right saying that for a child free bed at the weekend, you have to do it during the week as well. You probably get more say over it since you’re dealing with nights 7 days. But talk with him about it - how much of an issue is it for him? And they might just grow out of it - but maybe when they’re much much older? What would you both be happy with?

Goldbar · 11/12/2022 08:43

Can't he just go sleep in the kids' room if he minds so much? I'd just tell him too tired, not doing.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 11/12/2022 08:43

ChristmasCrackler · 11/12/2022 07:37

Too late! They're adults now 😂 Perfectly well rounded ones at that. It worked for us, and we enjoyed having a pile of children in with us. Maybe it was a bit more like 'ten in a bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over, so they all rolled over and one fell out...'

Show quote history

Same here and like most people in those days we had a normal double bed. How did we survive?

Ihavekids · 11/12/2022 08:49

He's not unreasonable for wanting a kid free bed. And he's right there's no point in him taking them back on the nights he's there if you're letting them stay on nights when he's away. Normal mumsnet default to woman always right here.
If he's absolutely insistent that they don't come in your bed, and you're absolutely insistent they can, then that's what you both need to figure out. No ones opinion is more valid than anyone else's.

Talipesmum · 11/12/2022 08:53

Just to add - we didn’t ever have kids in with us apart from very occasionally, one offs if they were really poorly or major upset or something. We did spend a lot of time getting them to sleep in their beds, and it was v hard for a while. I really didn’t want to have them in with us on a regular basis and nor did DH - it would have made it easier to some extent in the short run but I knew quite a few people who ended up with kids in their beds for absolutely years and I have bad enough sleep as it is. So no, it wasn’t normal for us, it was hard until they were about 1.5- 3, spending lots of time on floors in their rooms. Very much worth it in the end. BUT we both “helped” with nights 7 days a week. All the time. I might have made different choices if I was on my own with them for 5 days/week. And we only had 2.

Swipe left for the next trending thread