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AIBU?

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Original poster

For those of you for whom porn is a dealbreaker in relationships..

57 replies

Tuilpmouse · 10/12/2022 20:06

... does that apply to all porn?... even softcore topless or nude photos (the type that used to be in lads mags)? Or is it reserved for hardcore stuff.

OP posts:
Underanothersky · 11/12/2022 06:41

nalabae · 11/12/2022 04:44

Not all sex workers are trafficking this is some weird rumour feminist make when they have never worked in the sex industry.
anyway I’m okay with porn as long as it isn’t everyday but ideally I would prefer a man who didn’t

Who said they were?

mintdaisy · 11/12/2022 06:50

All

OLP2019 · 11/12/2022 06:53

This is a very odd post that assumes no women enjoy porn which is a very mumsnet position

OLP2019 · 11/12/2022 06:56

Kissmybaubles · 11/12/2022 00:54

Every man watches porn 🙄 … Mens minds work differently to women’s minds. Men are very visual and like visual stimulation sexually, that’s enough for a man to get his kicks, that’s why porn is part of masterbation for them, I don’t see this as cheating…

Women are much more complicated sexually, we need emotions, complex fantasies, connection and physical touch to turn us on as well as visual.

The issue becomes when porn becomes an addiction. If it’s something he does everyday then that’s too much, if it’s once a week or less I would say that’s the norm.

Also the thing that annoys me about porn is how it’s such bad education on how women actually gain pleasure from sex. I think men watch it and then think this is how sex should be done. Do these men even know what a clit is? 🤔

@Kissmybaubles do you really believe that porn is only for men?

GoAgainstNicki · 11/12/2022 07:03

Do people know that a lot of women also enjoy porn or does that not fit with some of you guys’ narrative?

CyanCyan · 11/12/2022 10:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

CyanCyan · 11/12/2022 11:24

Oh bloody hell, just realised I posted the above here accidentally when it was actually meant for the handmaid’s tale thread Blush I’ll ask MN to delete.

LlynTegid · 11/12/2022 11:47

Yes all porn, and this would apply equally to be were I attracted and/or in a same sex relationship.

knittingaddict · 11/12/2022 11:59

GoAgainstNicki · 11/12/2022 07:03

Do people know that a lot of women also enjoy porn or does that not fit with some of you guys’ narrative?

And your point is? I'm not married to a woman who likes porn, so that's completely irrelevant.

knittingaddict · 11/12/2022 12:00

The "some women like porn too" is not the gotcha that some people on here think it is.

eelieza · 11/12/2022 12:09

Ask the men if they agree with their girlfriends looking at photos of naked modelz in magazines then 🙄

otherwayup · 11/12/2022 12:12

knittingaddict · 11/12/2022 03:17

All.

After almost 40 years married I'm confident that I don't have to worry about this.

For all those who will say I'm naive, I think I know my husband better than you and some men don't use porn. (I know how these discussions go)

Quite.

I find it hilarious/tragic that people on here feel confident that they know the porn preferences of every single male on the planet.

I wonder what their other superpowers might be?! 😂

GoAgainstNicki · 11/12/2022 12:15

knittingaddict · 11/12/2022 11:59

And your point is? I'm not married to a woman who likes porn, so that's completely irrelevant.

Show quote history

My point regarding women watching porn is in relation to the comments when people say that they don’t like the fact that men will watch something that degrade woman. I’m simply wondering what people then think of women that watch porn. Are the thoughts the same or are the thoughts different?

I never thought mentioning women who watch porn was a ‘gotcha’ moment either. I’m simply asking

LoopyLoo1991 · 11/12/2022 12:17

I'm still going to watch porn whether my boyfriend or a future partner doesn't want me to or not!

Been watching 'em since my mid teens, it gets you excited and gives you ideas for new stuff like vibro pads on other erogenous zones.
BF is actually more old skool in his tastes and like more romantic loving couples type scenes. He was starved of affection in his childhood and teen years.
So long as it's not violent or stuff with poo or animals, I say get over yourself and either ignore it or be neutral if you don't want to see him watch it. Men's brains work differently - what if he he objected to you fapping to steamy romance novels? Would you stop? Or ask you never to use a vibrator as it 'bruises his fragile ego' ?
It works both ways.

LoopyLoo1991 · 11/12/2022 12:20

StillWeRise · 10/12/2022 20:25

any man who uses porn is pathetic
if it's confined to what you describe as softcore, I'd add to that a bit immature or thoughtless and think there was a chance they might grow up
Any man of normal intelligence who uses anything else, has no excuse for not knowing the harm that arises to women, both directly and indirectly, in addition to which by all accounts he is likely to be crap in bed.

So on flip side is a woman who uses a sex toy immature and pathetic? 🙄

KatyClair · 11/12/2022 12:21

Aintnosupermum · 11/12/2022 03:56

I think the only time porn can work in a relationship if it’s something you do together as a couple.

Agree! My DH and I enjoy watching it together sometimes. Not every time we have sex but sometimes. We don’t see it as cheating as we both enjoy it and watching other people having sex for us is arousing.

Lockheart · 11/12/2022 12:23

Porn can be written, drawn, animated, spoken, roleplayed, photographed, and filmed. Porn is anything that is designed to arouse. Within these varied media there also infinite numbers of pornographic scenarios ranging from the hardcore, extreme and bizarre to the softcore and "vanilla".

To say all porn is this or that is naive in the extreme.

LoopyLoo1991 · 11/12/2022 12:26

Lockheart · 11/12/2022 12:23

Porn can be written, drawn, animated, spoken, roleplayed, photographed, and filmed. Porn is anything that is designed to arouse. Within these varied media there also infinite numbers of pornographic scenarios ranging from the hardcore, extreme and bizarre to the softcore and "vanilla".

To say all porn is this or that is naive in the extreme.

Thank You! Some common bloody sense!

CyanCyan · 11/12/2022 12:26

LoopyLoo1991 · 11/12/2022 12:17

I'm still going to watch porn whether my boyfriend or a future partner doesn't want me to or not!

Been watching 'em since my mid teens, it gets you excited and gives you ideas for new stuff like vibro pads on other erogenous zones.
BF is actually more old skool in his tastes and like more romantic loving couples type scenes. He was starved of affection in his childhood and teen years.
So long as it's not violent or stuff with poo or animals, I say get over yourself and either ignore it or be neutral if you don't want to see him watch it. Men's brains work differently - what if he he objected to you fapping to steamy romance novels? Would you stop? Or ask you never to use a vibrator as it 'bruises his fragile ego' ?
It works both ways.

Men’s brains don’t work differently, this is just a myth perpetuated to excuse certain male behaviours

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0149763421000804

CyanCyan · 11/12/2022 12:29

Dump the “dimorphism”: Comprehensive synthesis of human brain studies reveals few male-female differences beyond size

Highlights
• Meta-synthesis of 3 decades of human brain sex difference findings.

• Few male/female differences survive correction for brain size.

• When present, sex accounts for about 1% of variance in structure or laterality.

• Male and female brains are monomorphic, not dimorphic, in structure and function.

WinterBlanket2022 · 11/12/2022 12:39

Porn = harm, usually to a woman

It really is that simple. So, the question is, would I be comfortable with my husband harming others? To masturbate over? Er… no.

And the idea that porn is people reading steamy novels or just the odd topless woman is ridiculous. It’s pornhub and the internet which is a cesspit of harm.

LoopyLoo1991 · 11/12/2022 12:45

WinterBlanket2022 · 11/12/2022 12:39

Porn = harm, usually to a woman

It really is that simple. So, the question is, would I be comfortable with my husband harming others? To masturbate over? Er… no.

And the idea that porn is people reading steamy novels or just the odd topless woman is ridiculous. It’s pornhub and the internet which is a cesspit of harm.

What about hardcore porn made from women by woman?
Taught my BF how to do oral better and gave me ideas if I sleep with a girl again.
Do you feel the same about explicit anime too?

MaryBeardsShoes · 11/12/2022 12:48

All varieties of porn promote the porn industry in general, which in turn promotes abuse of vulnerable people. I could not be with anyone who felt their sexual arousal/desires were more important than the well-being of 100s and 100s of vulnerable people.

Pumperthepumper · 11/12/2022 12:49

LoopyLoo1991 · 11/12/2022 12:45

What about hardcore porn made from women by woman?
Taught my BF how to do oral better and gave me ideas if I sleep with a girl again.
Do you feel the same about explicit anime too?

Show quote history

How do you know none of the people you’re watching are being exploited though?

AdamRyan · 11/12/2022 13:44

LoopyLoo1991 · 11/12/2022 12:20

So on flip side is a woman who uses a sex toy immature and pathetic? 🙄

Show quote history

A sex toy is an inanimate object.
Porn features real human beings.

I think anyone who had issues with sex toys was immature and probably had issues with women wanking generally.

Anyone who has issues with porn (filmed/photographed) humans is completely reasonable as 1) you can't rule out the humans have been harmed making the porn and 2) it's a standard human reaction to feel jealous/threatened by your partner being sexually attracted to someone else.

Written/anime porn is also different as it is fiction, and doesn't feature actual humans.

What is the issue with some women not wanting to be involved with a man who watches porn? Porn isn't a harmless activity. Pro porn posters know that which is why we are getting this bullshit false equivalence with vibrators and erotic fiction

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